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I hate myself
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Member Since: Dec 2019
Location: United States
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Trig Apr 19, 2020 at 08:11 PM
  #1
Hi;

I am a teenager dealing with constant homicidal thoughts, they are intrusive and I don't want them. Though, I cannot tell whether I enjoy them or not. They are mainly about my pets. I love animals, and I don't want to hurt them. Yet I get these awful homicidal thoughts.

They just started popping up in my head randomly and just stay there constantly making me feel awful and ruining me. I cannot tell if I enjoy them or not, but all I know is I want them gone so I don't EVER hurt anyone! I want them gone for good! I don't want to become like a serial killer or animal killer. It is scary to think that.

The problem is... I cannot tell as to whether I enjoy them or not, I don't know if I geniunely a threat to animals safety or not. I am scared to get help, but I desperately need it. A few weeks or months at a hospital or living away from the subject of my thoughts might help some. But I hate the fact i'm too young to move out or get help without my mom finding out.

What can I do?

Are these thoughts permanent, or can I get rid of them FOREVER?

What would happen if I called 911 about them?

I am scared I might hurt others, as I want to help animal rights and am a nice person. I have a temper, but don't take it out on my pets. I am very affectionate with my pets and the fact I have these thoughts is disturbing and stressful?

I wish they never popped up. They popped up as soon as I got over my pedophilia OCD thoughts. But this is different, I feel I might hurt someone, but I don't one too. I don't want to bear the wrong of ending another life.

The thoughts mess up my breathing, I cannot enjoy anything, and I just wish I could live on my own with my brother or stay in a psychiatric hospital with my computer and 3DS for awhile.

I need help and advice on what I can do to get rid of these thoughts so I don't ever hurt anyone. Please, it is awful and I hate it. I cannot tell what I am anymore, I don't want to be cursed and become a psychopath or serial killer. I got nightmares from animal abusers and serial killers before.

Please help me ASAP
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OCD Girl
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Default Apr 20, 2020 at 05:40 AM
  #2
This is OCD. You are not going to hurt anyone. The fact that the thoughts are so upsetting and unwanted is proof that it’s not you; it’s your brain playing tricks on you. You need to talk to your parents about this. They can help you find a psychiatrist and maybe also a counselor. Hugs!
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Thanks for this!
bluekoi
I hate myself
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Default Apr 20, 2020 at 04:24 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by OCD Girl View Post
This is OCD. You are not going to hurt anyone. The fact that the thoughts are so upsetting and unwanted is proof that it’s not you; it’s your brain playing tricks on you. You need to talk to your parents about this. They can help you find a psychiatrist and maybe also a counselor. Hugs!

I know... but how can I enjoy myself despite having these thoughts? I don't want them anymore!
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OCD Girl
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Default Apr 25, 2020 at 01:50 PM
  #4
Oh, you dear person! How I feel for you! I am so, so sorry. I know exactly how you feel and more than anything, I want the thoughts to go away too. You need to seek medication for OCD. And if you can, find a therapist for OCD so you can understand what’s happening. My counselor recommended Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts by David Clark. Go through that book using the exercises they show you. It will have you doing Exposure-Response Prevention therapy, and that coupled with medication for OCD is what is helping people with OCD the most. All the hugs for you.
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