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Fearishere
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Member Since: May 2020
Location: Germany
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Default May 05, 2020 at 10:36 AM
  #1
Hello I realy need Help. I got these thoughts for like 4 to 5 months. I never had a crush on a woman (i am a female) I only felt into boys and never questioned my sexuality. When Chrismas started , i started to have groinal responses about womans. They werent nice. On New Year, i watched youtube, and then my thoughts drived me mad. THEN BOOOOM and i had many more intusive thoughts.I started with the fear of being Lesbian or Bi. I started to think about the time around christmas, my past and Everything. I started Porn in a very young age. I had so many thoughts specialy about memories and thoughts in general. I have all the Hocd symptoms.i check ,reasure ,question, avoid, review events , and have extreme anxiety. I worried about being in denial and other things like that. Now i dont feel myself anymore I can be happy and straight and then sad and doubting. My doubt is going so far, that i dont fear anymore. I just feel Bi. Many people said to accept the thoughts . So i tried to accept that i could be Bi. It kinda stops my thoughts but makes me feel the same every 5 minutes after. I DONT WANT TO BE BI. Today i woke up and it felt like i competely turned Bi. All my thoughts, memories, samesex stuff i watched and time at christmas must be the proof that i am. Many people also say: ohh its just puberty, you will know what you like, ohh this is just because you are bi. But these answers give me a lot of anxiety. I stopped fighting the thoughts because im tired of it. But the more they feel real. In the beginning of hocd i knew i was straight but know i dont. In my case so many things feel different then from the others : i am still young and blabla. It feels like i could crush on a girl the next days or years and i dont want that, but it feels like i want it. Is this hocd? Is it normal for heterosexuals, to be aroused by samesexporn? Or is it just a dumb stage of knowing myself? (Hopeful not)sorry for bad english
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Raindropvampire
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Default May 05, 2020 at 11:47 PM
  #2
Welcome to Psych Central I'm sorry I'm unfamiliar with Hocd. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable comes along to help you.

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SunriseCoco
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Default May 14, 2020 at 02:25 PM
  #3
Lesbian porn is the most watched category among women, so you're not unusual for watching that.
Most of the girls watching that still claim to be perfectly straight, though personally I don't see how that's making any sense.

Does it mean you want to have sex with women in real life? No.
I also think it could just be the anxiety that turns you on, if you feel any. I know sometimes anxiety can trigger arousal.
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