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Old 10-10-2020, 03:58 PM   #1
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Trig Please help. I don't know what to do about my intrusive thoughts.

I don't want to diagnose, but I think I might have OCD - specifically pure-O. I was abused as a kid. I've always known this would affect me and I've always been pretty obsessive when I worry. But in the past year, especially this month, it's been awful.

In September of last year I started to worry repeatedly that I would hurt a child, even though those worries were extremely irrational and have no basis in reality. It got to the point where I would feel guilty for even noticing a child and couldn't watch shows featuring loads of kids on tv. It was awful, but came and went in waves.

About a month ago, I started to wonder if I might be asexual. I've questioned my sexuality before but have never come to any real conclusions. The first time I said it, I felt great. And then my brain started firing all sorts of thoughts about my orientation at me and I was so afraid for some reason that my orientation was actually different to how I identified. I looked at every single person and questioned if I was attracted to them, and it was horrific. I tried to figure out if I was aroused by anyone, and that was also awful. The first day I had these thoughts there was a physical pit in my stomach, my legs hurt like hell and my heart was beating like crazy. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't take my mind off it - I was physically having to count things around me to try and think about something else.

It's been almost 6 weeks. The anxiety is fading but it's still not gone and I don't know what to do or how to explain it to anyone. It hurts. Does anyone have any advice? I'm getting by alright but I'd be so thankful for any insights you might have.

Last edited by bluekoi; 10-11-2020 at 01:27 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon.
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Old 10-11-2020, 03:40 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Please help. I don't know what to do about my intrusive thoughts.

Hello backtogiality: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

With regard to your concerns about hurting children, there's an article in Psych Central's archives you might take a look at. Here's a link:

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

You mentioned thinking you might be asexual. There is an asexuality forum website you might check out:

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network |

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

Is It Anxiety or OCD?

Coping with Obsessive Thoughts

What to Do with Intrusive Thoughts?

At the end of your post you asked if anyone had any advice or insights as to what you might have. I think the best advice I could offer would be to see a psychologist or mental health therapist regarding what you're experiencing. The majority of us, here on PC, are consumers of mental health services not mental health professionals. So any insights we might have regarding what's going on with you would be nothing more than a guess based on limited information. Seeking the services of a mental health professional is the way to really begin to understand what you're struggling with. Nevertheless... there is a lot of support that can be available here. So I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 10-12-2020, 07:22 AM   #3
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Default Re: Please help. I don't know what to do about my intrusive thoughts.

Seeing a therapist could be very helpful.
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Old 10-13-2020, 06:14 AM   #4
Albertina Geller
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Default Re: Please help. I don't know what to do about my intrusive thoughts.

I am not sure which type of OCD you are suffering from as your thoughts are changing. As you are counting things so it can be counting OCD.

Counting Numbers OCD: Symptoms and Treatment | NOCD
Counting & Checking | Peace of Mind Foundation, Inc

I feel you should visit an OCD therapist they will better understand your thoughts and which type of OCD is it.
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