Identity confusion - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-24-2019, 05:30 PM #1
CluckyBear CluckyBear is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 30
CluckyBear CluckyBear is offline
Member
CluckyBear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: England
Posts: 30

1 yr Member
10 hugs
given
Default Identity confusion

Iím having trouble trying to articulate these sensations that I get, all I can describe it as is that I feel like Iím wrong and that I have to go the extra mile to reach everybody elseís level.

I donít remember much from my childhood but I do know that I was extremely quiet and never used to talk to anyone, and grew up to become quite shy and introverted. I eventually learnt to become confident, but felt like there was still a void inside of me.

It feels like I donít really have a Ďmeí, I feel like Iím kind of imitating and constantly thinking about how to project myself and just trying to be as perfect as I can. Iím not completely emotionally empty - I find things funny and I find things sad, but I overall feel robotic... like Iím carrying around my body like a shell, kind of like a Groundhog Day feeling?

Sometimes I get jealous when people are having a laugh with each other, itís like Iíll try to develop myself to be more like them because I want to be the best person... I think? But then I feel like Iím draining myself, I feel like who I am is a daily construct. Sometimes this makes me feel panicky and sad because I just feel like Iím wrong inside.

Iím not really sure how to accurately put these feelings into words 🙈 I just feel like my mind is constantly pervasive day in and day out, thereís always just something getting to me and that I feel cut off.

There are times where Iíll act clownish and care free because sometimes I want that Ďfree spirití image and itís strange because when someone comments on my actions or tries to compliment me, in my head itís just like, yeah thatís just my actions, just a construct, itís not me (whatever Ďmeí is)

Yeah I have interests and things I enjoy, but no way in hell does that make me feel like Iím emotionally connected to people. I often get paranoid about people and feel like they are just fake and pretending. I guess I just have a lot of different thoughts and feeling of a lot of things so Iím not even sure how to write about random feelings that I get.

Quite a long post there!

Does anyone recognise this? Is this some form of disorder in itself...? If itís worth noting my uncle had suffered from schizophrenia and I get scared about what route my thoughts are taking me down, but because Iíve felt everything and nothing all of my life I donít really know what to do but to live in the void...
CluckyBear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 01-25-2019, 03:51 AM #2
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Magnate
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,139
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Magnate
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,139 (SuperPoster!)

107 hugs
given
Default Re: Identity confusion

Did you have a rough childhood?
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-25-2019, 05:12 AM #3
seeker33's Avatar
seeker33 seeker33 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,083
seeker33 seeker33 is offline
Poohbah
seeker33's Avatar
seeker33 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,083

1 yr Member
1,271 hugs
given
Default Re: Identity confusion

I can absolutely relate to your description! In fact, just yesterday I began a similar topic in General social chat (it's called How to be less boring)
I just constantly feel like I must play a role, I constantly think about what's considered normal and expected of me. I can be funny too, and I can get creative and do silly things which I enjoy. However exactly the same as you, I still think it's a mask, a role I'm playing.
I hear people constantly saying just be yourself! However for me there's no self. I don't have any deeper desires or anything that is unique to me. I'm just constantly playing roles but otherwise I have no idea who I am.
I had a difficult childhood where I had to suppress my own desires and likes /dislikes so I constantly did everything in order not to cause trouble and to fit in.
I remember how I bought a sticker album of backstreet boys, although I couldn't care less. I only did it because other girls in my class had it. This is just one example but I did and still do similar "fake" things even now as an adult. Because I'm unable to choose my own hobbies, clothing style or anything, unless I copy it from someone else or unless I have clear instructions about how to do something. At the same time I'm not really depressed, I'm usually in a normal mood with natural ups and downs, but it's not clinical depression. It's just like I simply have no idea what to do unless I can copy from someone. Or unless I have instructions for something, or I can see certain patterns which I can copy or base my role playing on.
I'm absolutely not trying to be fake or pretend, it's simply I have very little inner motivation.
Is that similar to you?
I'm very sorry I can't give you any advice, just tried to say you're not alone. I think it's either related to trauma or mild aspergers.
__________________
Complex trauma
Highly sensitive person

I love nature, simplicity and minimalism
seeker33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-25-2019, 05:33 AM #4
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,625
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is online now
Wise Elder
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,625 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
32.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Identity confusion

I'm so sorry, CluckyBear That sounds like a lot to deal with. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn more about yourself and your own identity. This is something a lot of people are struggling with, so trust me when I say that you're not alone in this. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I hope one day you'll be able to find yourself and what truly matters. If it can help, you sound like a kind, smart, sensitive person to me. So perhaps you could start from there? Try to hang on. Things can and will get better. Just seek out the help you need. Are there any friend or family members that could help you right now? Do you have a support system IRL? You can do this! You're strong, I'm sure of that. I hope writing here helps a bit. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you
MickeyCheeky is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-28-2019, 10:01 PM #5
Dnester's Avatar
Dnester Dnester is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,537
Dnester Dnester is offline
Grand Poohbah
Dnester's Avatar
Dnester has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,537 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
74 hugs
given
Default Re: Identity confusion

Did you have over critical parents?
Dnester is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-11-2019, 07:41 PM #6
mwaxy mwaxy is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2018
Location: n/a
Posts: 90
mwaxy mwaxy is offline
Member
mwaxy ...how other's want me to?
 
Member Since: Aug 2018
Location: n/a
Posts: 90

70 hugs
given
Default Re: Identity confusion

I can relate OP and I also think Dnester poses a good question, even just for a seconds thought - I'd take that question a step further....has any key person in your life been over critical. That being said, you are the Master of you so you are the expert on you and probably have a few ideas of your own you have been pondering for a long time.
mwaxy is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:11 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.