Does this help you? - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-28-2019, 12:53 PM #11
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,157
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey remove
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,157 (SuperPoster!)

873 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Does this help you?

This question of yours has sparked quite a discussion, Fuzzy.

Reading through the carefully thought-out responses - and being clearly in the minority! - I'm feeling the need to clarify my original post.

No way am I advocating that anyone live a lie or go around being phony. Personally I've spent a lifetime trying to work my way into authenticity, to find a way to be OK with it.

No, what I was talking about originally was achieving more social ease in situations where you pretty much have to be social. I hate to be uncomfortable with people, and I prefer that people not be uncomfortable with me. So what I try to achieve is being real without being hurtful. If being "real" means being rude or mean to people, then I don't want to do it.

I guess what I'm advocating is known as good manners, and that attitude has worked for me.

That it may not work for other people is their business, absolutely.
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 03-28-2019, 01:10 PM #12
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,450
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,450 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
30.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Does this help you?

Thank you so much for making this thread, Fuzzybear! I feel like this is something that it's worth discussing! I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. I don't really like faking it and I'm not very good at it either, so I usually don't even try it at all. I totally understand what people mean with that phrase, though! I do believe it's important in social situations. I just can't make it. I don't really like it a lot but it seems like it's necessary. Thank you so much for asking this question and for sparking all of this discussion! Sending many hugs to you, Fuzzybear, and to everyone else, including all of you here on PC
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-28-2019, 02:06 PM #13
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 80,300
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 80,300 (SuperPoster!)

15 yr Member
52.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Does this help you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
Thank you so much for making this thread, Fuzzybear! I feel like this is something that it's worth discussing! I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. I don't really like faking it and I'm not very good at it either, so I usually don't even try it at all. I totally understand what people mean with that phrase, though! I do believe it's important in social situations. I just can't make it. I don't really like it a lot but it seems like it's necessary. Thank you so much for asking this question and for sparking all of this discussion! Sending many hugs to you, Fuzzybear, and to everyone else, including all of you here on PC
(((((((( Mickey ))))))))
I think I know what you mean. I donít like faking it and Iím not very good at it either. If I try to fake it in social situations I often donít make it.. my anxiety often is judged. Many hugs to all who have replied and to everyone on pc
__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-28-2019, 02:09 PM #14
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 80,300
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 80,300 (SuperPoster!)

15 yr Member
52.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Does this help you?

Thanks to everyone who has replied for the thoughtful posts
__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-28-2019, 03:21 PM #15
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover eskielover is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 21,434
eskielover eskielover is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 21,434 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
11.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Does this help you?

Looking a little deeper at what I was doing based on what I learned in DBT.....was mindfulness & a lot if self-analysis.

I remember all my life I never knew what really connecting with anyone felt like. Leo (my dog I just lost a few months ago) actually taught me what love & connecting felt like. From there I realized I was feeling that same safe, caring feeling with my friends (the more I got to know them) I was afraid it would only be a fleeting feeling but it grew. I was able to correlate the 2 feelings & realized that was what TRULY connecting with others who were capable of emotionally connecting felt like. It was also a feeling of truly being accepted. I realized that the feeling required the 2 way connection for it to grow.

I spent so much of my time analzing what I was NOW experiencing & enjoying the growth experience. Yes, I kept at it while growing. I didn't really fake it because I was able to share some if what I was actually experiencing. I guess maybe my interpretation of "faking it" was too narrow. It just that is not like a switch where you fake it then you are ok.....it is a total growth process that we just keep making our way through. Then one day I looked back & realized what had happened. I wasn't sure even at the time what was actually going on.
__________________
Does this help you?



Leo's favorite place was riding shot gun in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-28-2019, 04:03 PM #16
saidso's Avatar
saidso saidso is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 508
saidso saidso is offline
Veteran Member
saidso's Avatar
saidso has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 508 (SuperPoster!)

150 hugs
given
Default Re: Does this help you?

I don't do good manners much, but I do generosity. If I can give something, even at a stretch, then I will give it without strings. It helps my world go round. I do being hospitable and co-operative also, but good manners freak me out. Each to their own comfort and discomfort zones.

It would be nice if - as Eskielover writes - socialising could be more about genuine warmth and connection. I get frustrated at the lack of connectedness around me.

I do have arguments with myself about biting my tongue in certain situation where someone is holding forth and taking up all the space without saying anything. That's when I would like to be a little more skilled at expressing disagreement without starting an all-out conflict. Expressing disagreement subtly by degrees, at the same time as staying grounded in my own self. I tend to just go quiet and leave, and I do agree with Mopey that there are social situations that demand a little skill. I get irritated when people are all talk and no listen, and that's too reactive to be constructive.

At work I think faking is ok. For example, going round saying a cheery "good morning" even if you're fussed that your best friend got drunk and dumped you last night. Being at work was more about working with strangers to get something done, than about deep connection.
__________________
*"Fierce <-> Reality"*

oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human!

remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
saidso is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-28-2019, 04:17 PM #17
Murderface's Avatar
Murderface Murderface is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 207
Murderface Murderface is offline
Member
Murderface's Avatar
Murderface just wants this semester to end.
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 207

1 yr Member
24 hugs
given
Default Re: Does this help you?

No, I find that it actually makes me feel worse. To me, that's like putting a bandage on an open wound that you haven't washed. It will still fester underneath the bandage.
__________________
Does this help you?
Does this help you?
23 // Nothing a little coffee and Jesus can't fix
Murderface is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-29-2019, 12:23 AM #18
Calla lily12's Avatar
Calla lily12 Calla lily12 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: Boston
Posts: 604
Calla lily12 Calla lily12 is offline
Veteran Member
Calla lily12's Avatar
Calla lily12 Calla is very , very sad
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: Boston
Posts: 604

643 hugs
given
Default Re: Does this help you?

I just lost my whole post!
"Fake it till you make it" isn't helpful. It takes a toll on you to pretend everything is all right.
__________________
I'd rather be a unicorn
Calla lily12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-31-2019, 03:24 PM #19
Veritastar Veritastar is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 7
Veritastar Veritastar is offline
New Member
Veritastar has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 7

1 yr Member
Default Re: Does this help you?

In my personal experience, faking it just seems to have created more mental problems for me. I know that ďFake it til you make it.Ē Works for some other people. For me though it is best to openly acknowledge that I have a lot of problems and naming those problems makes me feel at least a little better. I donít usually like labeling myself, but in my personal case I prefer openly wearing whatever diagnosis labels I may have.
__________________
I am a signature, hello!
Veritastar is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:11 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.