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Default May 29, 2019 at 01:01 PM
  #1
I am still on disability and really wish there was somewhere to go during the work week (daytime hours) where I could meet new people to make new friends. Yes, I know there is volunteering, but I'm not quite in a work type mode yet. I've tried it and failed a number of times. I know there are daytime classes, but I take a one hour class once per week already, and it's expensive. Everything else seems to cost a lot of money. Many things "out" maybe expose me to people, but not in a socializing sense.

Getting back into socializing more will help prepare me to succeed at future volunteering and eventually a job. But I need to take baby steps.

Pretty much every social gathering (support groups, meetups, book clubs) are in the evenings and/or on the weekends. That's not when I need the extra social interactions. Plus, evenings are hard for me.

I have seen a couple meetups during the daytime hours weekdays, but they seem to be stay at home moms or retirees. I'm neither. I not even a mother and will not be.

Is there anything out there to do? I almost wonder if I should try to start a special daytime workday meetup, but that seems like an overwhelming thing for me to do right now. If I did, the most I'd want to spend is the cost of a coffee at a cafe or maybe a movie or occasional lunch a couple times per month. I am open about the people I'd meet. They need not have a mental illness, but I would want a variety enough to not feel like an odd-woman out (i.e. the only woman not a stay at home mom or retiree).

Unfortunately, I only really feel confident driving 20 miles or less, each way (preferably not all on major highways), from my home. That's another barrier I have to deal with.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 01:10 PM
  #2
I imagine they would let us post on here something like “Phoenix monthly coffees for women”.,or for everyone. I dont want to be sexist!! Ive wondered about this myself. As far as I know, the Meetups website actually charges for setting up a group.

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Default May 29, 2019 at 01:19 PM
  #3
Just do what you can.
When I got on disability all I did was get fat and surf the web.
Now I travel the world and act in tv and film.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 01:30 PM
  #4
luvyrself, I didn't know they charged for setting up Meet Ups. I didn't get far enough into inquiring about that at meetup.com to learn such a thing. That's a bummer! I'm not sure how many people that visit here live in my neck of the woods. I do live in a rather densely populated part of the US. I live in central NJ. Getting to even more populated places (i.e. NYC and Philly) is extremely stressful for me, even going with my husband. I used to do it a lot (especially to NYC because there is a convenient train to there), but it costs a lot. I can't drive there. Only my husband will. The train ticket would be about $30 RT and then in NYC it's expensive between taxi/subway and food or whatever else you'd do. There are also parking fees at my local train station, if you can even find a spot.

wonderluster, that's great that you got back into higher functioning. It sounds exciting that you are an actor and again traveling the world. I used to be an avid traveler, but it's become harder as I aged and my illness worsened. Traveling abroad has become especially difficult, especially since 9-11.

Last edited by Anonymous46341; May 29, 2019 at 01:49 PM..
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Default May 29, 2019 at 01:46 PM
  #5
It's a delima for sure cause now you have time but not money. Unfortunately I'm not one to talk because I do nothing but watch tv and read. I stopped at the QuickTrip for a drink and this lady kept trying to talk to me, ahhhh, don't talk to me. I'm not much for socializing. I do wonder about trying to join a book club, I'm sure there are some around. the library is very busy all the time and my home town though small does support an independent bookstore. I'm sure I read in the paper that there is a game store here with table top games where people can go and join others just playing games, maybe there's something like that near you?

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Default May 29, 2019 at 02:03 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
It's a delima for sure cause now you have time but not money. Unfortunately I'm not one to talk because I do nothing but watch tv and read. I stopped at the QuickTrip for a drink and this lady kept trying to talk to me, ahhhh, don't talk to me. I'm not much for socializing. I do wonder about trying to join a book club, I'm sure there are some around. the library is very busy all the time and my home town though small does support an independent bookstore. I'm sure I read in the paper that there is a game store here with table top games where people can go and join others just playing games, maybe there's something like that near you?
My town has a lot of shops, movie theaters, restaurants, and more, but so many of those places have people who are coming and going quickly. Not so many regulars. I have tried to go to the pizzeria once per week. It's not that expensive to buy one slice. The people that work there are friendly, but they have to work. I stay only 30 mins max.

We have libraries nearby. My local library does have events. Occasionally there is one during the day, but so many are geared towards kids. Once there was a daytime health recovery "class". I really liked that. It's just a shame they are few and far between. It's not easy to make new friends at these places, though.

There is an IOP within walking-distance of me, but that's not what I need right now. It's not like four weeks there would make me ready to return to work. People not on long-term disability may not understand. Plus, an IOP is super expensive. Even just the copay alone! There are DBSA and NAMI meetings and social gatherings, but they are always in the late evenings and/or on weekends. There is nothing in between.

The only social groups I know of that are low cost and meet during the day/week are AA meetings and a couple Al-Anon meetings. They are actually fine, but...you have to be wanting to go to them for alcohol-related issues. I can't go and say "I am an alcoholic" or go and say "I'm not an alcoholic, but I like hanging out with all of you." Plus, I'm not fond of 12 Step programs.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 03:18 PM
  #7
Update: I just signed up for a Meet Up group. I found one that mostly meets in the town of my alma mater (about 25 mins drive from my house). They even have one event in my town. Unfortunately, both events (in June) are full. I'm on the waiting lists. I did sign up for one that had spaces further in the future in early July. They have a few far away events that I wouldn't be able to drive to, but most are in my vicinity.

I don't plan on talking about my MI at the above-mentioned group. At least not right away or not unless I make a really good friend. I have many more things to talk about.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 03:28 PM
  #8
YAY!! Good for you! May I ask what topic the group is? If you prefer not to answer, I will respect your choice.

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Default May 29, 2019 at 05:49 PM
  #9
Often cities will have drop in centres for people with mental illness. They run groups during the day and are also just a place to hang out and sociallize.


But, you have to be a bit careful about what ones you to. Some cater to a clientele that is on the lower function edge of the spectrum. There are others where you'll find a lot of homeless people, which generally creates difficulties.

Your best option is to see if you have a mental health clubhouse in your city. They tend to be geared towards higher functioning people. During the day, during work hours, your expected to be volunteering doing the work necessary to keep the place running, with supervision and support from staff. Then in the evenings they have social activities.

I go to one here, and love it. I volunteer in the clerical section, and always wind up helping with accounting tasks, which is great because I'm an accountant and it helps me keep my skills current.

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Those on disability or unemployed - What to do during the day (socializing)?
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Default May 29, 2019 at 05:58 PM
  #10
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YAY!! Good for you! May I ask what topic the group is? If you prefer not to answer, I will respect your choice.
Actually, I ended up signing up for two. One is called a "Morning Write-In". That's basically people meeting up at a local cafe to dedicate the time to serious (or somewhat serious) writing projects. At the beginning, you briefly discuss your project, but then everyone mostly just focuses on their writing.

The second is something I don't want you/others to take the wrong way. It's called "Childfree Women of X". It's NOT a group of people who hate children. Not at all. We are simply a group of women who never had children for one reason or another, and wish to meet up with other women in the same situation for fun chat (likely not about children). Obviously, most women do have children, and their children (and later grandchildren) often become major focuses in their lives, understandably. But as a woman without any children, it can be slightly isolating. The name "Childfree" sounds negative, unfortunately. But "Childless" implies regret, where there may not be.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 06:35 PM
  #11
i took time to get my health somewhat stabilized, got a part time job for a while...then took my dogs to a dog park, made friends, started my own business (doggie day care) went exploring the area around me..county parks etc.....

i wrote a book, did photography, did what ever i found interesting. activities were scaled upon what i could manage physically or mentally.

i made many long term friends at the dog park.

get a part time job if you can or volunteer ..national parks love volunteers.

my feeling is if you are on a mission to make friends you are working to hard at it. don't let that be your sole purpose in life. enjoy things. friendships will happen if you are happy and out there doing stuff
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Default May 29, 2019 at 06:57 PM
  #12
@BirdDancer

It's nice to meet people you have something in common with! And I hear you on the not having children part.

I would love to hear about your writing project, if you want to share about it. Please, feel free to PM me, if you like. I LOVE writing!

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Default May 29, 2019 at 09:01 PM
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I know there are day programs for people with mental illness. I looked into them once but didn't qualify since I also have a developmental disability. Also, adult schools, at least the ones by me, offer daytime weekday classes. I think they offer them thinking it will give seniors something to do but being a senior citizen isn't a requirement.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 09:28 PM
  #14
I joined a monday morning craft group. They are a friendly lot. I tried a couple before this. Only costs $2 for attending. It did take persistence on my part to continue to go but i now enjoy it.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 09:37 PM
  #15
look for programs for people without mental illness as well..it's a wide world out there. do not limit yourself. i think that is part of the problem even with the forums here...get out, explore the world, the area around you...if you limit yourself to those who have the same illness just rehash the same stuff ...while that is good for a little bit, i believe it's not all the time.

i thin k after a while if all you do is dwell on your illness, your life becomes that illness. it's your focus..your dr appt's, your meds, your symptoms etc.

mingle with others. discuss other things..dare to talk about something other then your bipolar, or depression...it will take the focus off that and redirect you. use a different part of your brain..volunteer..learn new information, hike or walk, help out at an animal shelter...whatever....insert something new & exciting in your life. try new things. maybe just maybe...with the emphasis shifted you might find the severity of the illness shifting because you are devoting 100% of your attention to it.

disability gives you time. granted not always will you be able to be able do things. you will be ill at tiles, but other times..you will feel well enough to get out and try stuff. I've been out on disability for over 20 years..some physical and other mental issues. i didn't want to spend my time just waiting for death.
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Default May 29, 2019 at 10:17 PM
  #16
I think the child free group sounds lovely. I wouldn't quality but I think it's a great idea and doesn't sound like it means you hate children.

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Default May 30, 2019 at 05:05 AM
  #17
Really interesting, wise and positive responses by everybody here.

BirdDancer: It is obvious to me that you are a social person and very bright and kind.
You are a Star and you will be fine.

* (everybody is a Star, but most don't know it!)
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Default May 30, 2019 at 01:53 PM
  #18
Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions and encouragement here!

I know a NAMI office has a drop in center, but having very very briefly volunteered there in the past, no one really drops in during the day. It's sort of either volunteer during the day or wait for evening events. Perhaps my state's capital has a busier place like that, but it's a long drive and I think maybe it would attract homeless.

I scheduled a private French lesson for next Friday after a break from it. It's with an elderly man. I'm not super comfortable with him, though. I do have the Meet Ups on my calendar. The first is the Tuesday Write-In. @HappyCrafter, thanks for your interest in my writing. I have worked on a memoir in the past, but only briefly. I like writing various reflections, stories, and prose poems. What do you enjoy writing about?
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Default May 30, 2019 at 02:59 PM
  #19
@BirdDancer

I write about what I know the most about, LOL I have self-published an ebook plus I blog. My blog addresses are in my signature. The chapters of my eBook are in Creative Corner on here. I just looked and the three most recently updated versions are on page 3. I just self-published the newest edition of it with the hashtags I created. Those are also in my signature for here.

Daily, on this forum, I post fun pictures for Good Morning, Good Evening, Coffee, Dogs and Kitties. Those are under General Social Chat, Coffee and Our Pets. Those are a LOT of fun and several of us contribute. I look forward to doing that every morning. Have you seen them? If not, please, check them out, some are hilarious!!

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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 12:40 PM
  #20
I actually experienced the opposite. Volunteering came first and from that the increased confidence to socialize followed.
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