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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: N/A
Posts: 1,776
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#1
Hi Community,
There is something I have been struggling with for years. It has presented a very difficult set of obstacles for me in life and I am trying SO hard to work through it. In short, I could use some advice, however, please be gentle in your opinions as this is part of my identity and always will be. I should note, I am not looking to rid myself of my little side completely, I am only looking for advice about how to strategically transition from spending TOO much time being little - to becoming more of an adult. ----------------------------- Problem is, I have two parts that are conflicting with one another: BIG part (Adult side) ----- Versus ----- LITTLE part (child side). Each part has its own needs, wants and desires. Think of it like having two different identities. I have to learn to live with both and I have to learn to BALANCE the two, so that neither part is neglected or suppressed. This in turn will lead to happiness and growth rather than stagnation. Because of my trauma, I have had to resort to regression to be safe in the world. I love it, but I MUST learn to balance the two. I struggle everyday with transitioning from being little to being an adult, and it is causing a lot of conflict within. Ambivalence to make decisions as simple as doing dishes and exercising / socializing. I would rather live in a safe place than risk going out into the world and being harmed. The answer to this is to be little. While this is effective for dealing with trauma, it is also enticing and has led me to become dependent on it for comfort, nurture, safety, etc. I recently purchased 300 - 400 diapers, pacifiers, onesies, baby bottles, etc. I told my therapist about this and she and I both concluded that I must learn to nurture my little side as a parent would. (Internal Family Systems therapy). She also suggested learning self-compassion, as well as watching TED talk videos on vulnerability and shame. She is highly educated about this particular issue. The plan is to slowly become more of an adult, while at the same time NOT abolishing the little side, but rather, accept, nurture and accept it with unconditional love, compassion and minimizing shame. How can I make this transition? Any suggestions? Please be gentle. I am deeply ashamed of this and it is very hard to be vulnerable. Thanks, HD7970ghz __________________ "stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget" "roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles" "the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy" "don't put all your eggs - in one basket" "promote pleasure - prevent pain" "with change - comes loss" |
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atisketatasket, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
Thank you so much for sharing this. I don't know if I really have anything useful to offer here. But I noticed you had not yet received replies to this post. So I thought I would at least offer a suggestion. I'm not sure if I clearly understand what you're asking for here though. So if I miss the mark with my comment please forgive me.
I wonder if you could develop a list of attributes you would consider to be adult... things you might do or ways you might live your day-to-day life that you would view as being adult. And then, also, figure out how much time you're currently spending on average day-in & day-out as a "little" as well as how much time you're spending as an adult. Then develop a "schedule", so to speak, where you gradually increase the amount of time you spend doing things from your "adult list" while decreasing the amount of time you spend being little. It would be sort-of like titrating off of one medication while gradually increasing another. Your therapist could, no doubt, help you with this. I presume this needs to be a gradual process. And you could be flexible with your schedule. If you reach a point where you feel you need to put things on hold for a period of time you could do that. But having a "schedule" such as this would give you a way of measuring how far you've come. You could even plan some rewards into the schedule periodically for having achieved certain percentages of progress. This would be kind-of a behavior modification approach to what you are trying to achieve. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,142
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#3
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IFS is a very structured specialized program where you have to do things in an organized structured way set down by ones own treatment providers. its like going to college you dont jump to the back of the algebra work with out first doing the beginning part of the class. anything that we may suggest could very well either sabotage the treatment or lead you wrong, or cause you major harm. My suggestion is talk with your treatment provider and let them know you would like something that you can also work on at home. Something that doesnt go against your IFS therapy program but also gives you the extra "boost" and freedom that you need to handle things on your own when you are not in therapy... example books, workbooks and videos, treatment provider supplied worksheets, on IFS therapy and how to work the program on your own when you are not in therapy. There is a whole lot of resources that your treatment provider will be able to point you in the right direction that matches where you are in the program and what "Trailheads" you are working on, ... treatment providers are a wealth of information and help when working on a specialized treatment plan like this. given that you are doing IFS it really is best to reach out to your treatment providers on something like this...just like someone who was on the DBT program their best option is their treatment provider and staying on their specialized structured sessions. |
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