advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Ladylullaby
Junior Member
 
Ladylullaby's Avatar
Ladylullaby has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 15
15 yr Member
Default Jun 25, 2019 at 10:30 AM
  #1
I am new to this site. i am so happy i found it, i didnt know it existed. I finally get to see other people's post about their mental health issues. Now i dont feel so alone. A little over a year ago i started therapy for this stupid childhood trauma. I now find out i have ptsd and borderline personality disorder. So there is a name for my behavior and uncontrollable mood swings. .now what? My therapist wanted to me go to DBT therapy, but i dont want to. I have enough to do. so i bought the book. its like first grade level stuff. i feel so dumb.
I am having a hard time coping with these labels. Im ashamed of my behavior yet i cant control it when im triggered. I get so depressed. I go to work, then i go home and sleep on the sofa until its time to go to bed. then i wake up and do it all over again. I feel like my life has no meaning. No purpose.

any advice? anyone else go through this?

thanks
Ladylullaby is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous43949, Fuzzybear, Leannebug, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky

advertisement
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 25, 2019 at 11:44 AM
  #2
((Ladylullaby))),

First of all, welcome to Psych Central as I noticed you are a new member. First of all, you are already devaluing the childhood trauma you experienced when it clearly had an affect on you that caused you to function in an unstable way and feeling vulnerable and lost.

Years ago I found a link that talks about "complex ptsd" and when I read it I began to see things in it that actually described things I struggled with and could not articulate and it really helped me a great deal. It may take me a bit to find the right link again as it's been changed.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder (complex ptsd, pdsd, shell shock, nervous shock, combat fatigue), symptoms and the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury explained

Last edited by Open Eyes; Jun 25, 2019 at 01:06 PM..
Open Eyes is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 25, 2019 at 12:21 PM
  #3
Welcome, Ladylullaby! The wise Open Eyes has already gave you some WONDERFUL advice and suggestions! I'd encourage you to try DBT Therapy or ANY kind of therapy that you feel like may be helpful to you, really. Just try to take GREAT care of yourself and I hope you'll like this forum! You'll certainly meet many people who can relate to you! Either way stay safe and try to get as much help as you possibly can. You are IMPORTANT and you MATTER! PLEASE DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! Let us know how it goes for you. Keep us updated on your situation if you can and want! We ALL do care about you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and ALL the people you love and who love you, Ladylullaby!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 25, 2019 at 12:48 PM
  #4
Ok, found the right link so you can click on it as it represents a lot of time and research done by an individual who has since passed yet his work remains and has proven to be extremely helpful.

While reading this information you will come across this statement:

Quote:
Note: there has recently been a trend amongst some psychiatric professionals to label people suffering Complex PTSD as a exhibiting a personality disorder, especially Borderline Personality Disorder. This is not the case - PTSD, Complex or otherwise, is apsychiatric injury and nothing to do with personality disorders. If there is an overlap, then Borderline Personality Disorder should be regarded as a psychiatric injury, not a personality disorder. If you encounter a psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professional who wants to label your Complex PTSD as a personality disorder, change to another, more competent professional.
The information goes on to explain further why an assumption is made unfairly and instead the person's true challenge is more a sign of struggling with complex ptsd instead.

There are different therapy's offered that have proven helpful, one of those therapies is DBT, and another is CBT and a newer one that has proven to reduce the symptoms from "unprocessed traumas" is called Accelerated Resoulution Therapy. If you have a diagnoses of ptsd, then I strongly recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in "trauma therapy" otherwise you may end up misdiagnosed and not finding therapy all that helpful.

For myself, I am now seeing a "trauma therapist" and he has tried using different therapies and has found the Accelerated Resolution Therapy to work the best with his PTSD patients. I have not been in this therapy all that long, however, what I have noticed about it is how much my body itself has been weighed down by the traumas I have experienced in my own life.

It sounds to me from what you have shared is that you drag your body out of bed, lug through the day of work, come home exhausted and can't wait until you can finally climb back into bed. When I finally did an ART session I felt exhausted and actually wanted to sleep most of the next day. After the session I had literally felt like I had been relieved of a heavy suit I had not even realized I had been wearing. Truth is, without realizing it I had grown used to living with how the trauma affected me physically where my muscles were constantly pumped up with "cortizol" because PTSD is an anxiety disorder and the individual who is suffering with it is much more sensitive and is often stuck in a "hyper vigilant" state of mind, as though they have their foot out ready to run and escape, yet their body is experiencing that as well which makes it harder to function and handle things in a more normal relaxed state.

What you are describing as uncontrollable mood swings is coming from how the trauma or traumas affected your emotional mind and often this is due to one's inablity to process their own emotional challenges that present from experiencing a trauma or traumas. Most of the time a trauma leaves a person with feeling "powerless" and the person simply had "no control" when something happened that caused that person to suffer and feel so powerless.

The reason why this particular link is helpful is because it covers how a person can at some point experience a very toxic presence that bullies them, constantly tries to control them, and they find themselves "trapped" and having to constantly work around this "toxic" controlling presence. It is especially difficult for a child in that children simply do not have the life experience to understand how to handle a toxic presence and often have to figure out how to work around that kind of presence which may very well be a parent that has problems and is to controlling and unbalanced and incapable of allowing that child the freedom to develop their OWN identity. Instead, often that child faces constant criticisms and experiences what is now called "childhood emotional neglect".

It's important to pay attention to the symptoms of ptsd because one of the symptoms that tends to be consistent is "shame and self blaming" which is why when it comes to abuse or trauma one of the constant messages presented is "it's not your fault".

At this point you are just beginning to learn about what ptsd is and how it affects you in ways you may not realize. What you have said "it's just a stupid childhood trauma" means you are not really aware of how that trauma really did affect you, and there most likely is a lot more involved than you actually realize. You are clearly struggling so it's time to finally figure out why and it will require patience on your part with this learning and finally looking to identify what's behind your challenge and to finally HEAL and manage these challenges that continually affect you.
Open Eyes is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
 
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, Leannebug
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 25, 2019 at 01:18 PM
  #5
Welcome Ladylullaby

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 25, 2019 at 01:24 PM
  #6
Good post OE, thanks for this

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Ok, found the right link so you can click on it as it represents a lot of time and research done by an individual who has since passed yet his work remains and has proven to be extremely helpful.

While reading this information you will come across this statement:


The information goes on to explain further why an assumption is made unfairly and instead the person's true challenge is more a sign of struggling with complex ptsd instead.

There are different therapy's offered that have proven helpful, one of those therapies is DBT, and another is CBT and a newer one that has proven to reduce the symptoms from "unprocessed traumas" is called Accelerated Resoulution Therapy. If you have a diagnoses of ptsd, then I strongly recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in "trauma therapy" otherwise you may end up misdiagnosed and not finding therapy all that helpful.

For myself, I am now seeing a "trauma therapist" and he has tried using different therapies and has found the Accelerated Resolution Therapy to work the best with his PTSD patients. I have not been in this therapy all that long, however, what I have noticed about it is how much my body itself has been weighed down by the traumas I have experienced in my own life.

It sounds to me from what you have shared is that you drag your body out of bed, lug through the day of work, come home exhausted and can't wait until you can finally climb back into bed. When I finally did an ART session I felt exhausted and actually wanted to sleep most of the next day. After the session I had literally felt like I had been relieved of a heavy suit I had not even realized I had been wearing. Truth is, without realizing it I had grown used to living with how the trauma affected me physically where my muscles were constantly pumped up with "cortizol" because PTSD is an anxiety disorder and the individual who is suffering with it is much more sensitive and is often stuck in a "hyper vigilant" state of mind, as though they have their foot out ready to run and escape, yet their body is experiencing that as well which makes it harder to function and handle things in a more normal relaxed state.

What you are describing as uncontrollable mood swings is coming from how the trauma or traumas affected your emotional mind and often this is due to one's inablity to process their own emotional challenges that present from experiencing a trauma or traumas. Most of the time a trauma leaves a person with feeling "powerless" and the person simply had "no control" when something happened that caused that person to suffer and feel so powerless.

The reason why this particular link is helpful is because it covers how a person can at some point experience a very toxic presence that bullies them, constantly tries to control them, and they find themselves "trapped" and having to constantly work around this "toxic" controlling presence. It is especially difficult for a child in that children simply do not have the life experience to understand how to handle a toxic presence and often have to figure out how to work around that kind of presence which may very well be a parent that has problems and is to controlling and unbalanced and incapable of allowing that child the freedom to develop their OWN identity. Instead, often that child faces constant criticisms and experiences what is now called "childhood emotional neglect".

It's important to pay attention to the symptoms of ptsd because one of the symptoms that tends to be consistent is "shame and self blaming" which is why when it comes to abuse or trauma one of the constant messages presented is "it's not your fault".

At this point you are just beginning to learn about what ptsd is and how it affects you in ways you may not realize. What you have said "it's just a stupid childhood trauma" means you are not really aware of how that trauma really did affect you, and there most likely is a lot more involved than you actually realize. You are clearly struggling so it's time to finally figure out why and it will require patience on your part with this learning and finally looking to identify what's behind your challenge and to finally HEAL and manage these challenges that continually affect you.

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Ladylullaby
Junior Member
 
Ladylullaby's Avatar
Ladylullaby has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 15
15 yr Member
Default Jun 26, 2019 at 09:02 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
Welcome, Ladylullaby! The wise Open Eyes has already gave you some WONDERFUL advice and suggestions! I'd encourage you to try DBT Therapy or ANY kind of therapy that you feel like may be helpful to you, really. Just try to take GREAT care of yourself and I hope you'll like this forum! You'll certainly meet many people who can relate to you! Either way stay safe and try to get as much help as you possibly can. You are IMPORTANT and you MATTER! PLEASE DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! Let us know how it goes for you. Keep us updated on your situation if you can and want! We ALL do care about you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and ALL the people you love and who love you, Ladylullaby!


WOW that was so nice of you to say all that. Thank you.
Ladylullaby is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Ladylullaby
Junior Member
 
Ladylullaby's Avatar
Ladylullaby has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 15
15 yr Member
Attention Jun 26, 2019 at 09:23 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Ok, found the right link so you can click on it as it represents a lot of time and research done by an individual who has since passed yet his work remains and has proven to be extremely helpful.

While reading this information you will come across this statement:


The information goes on to explain further why an assumption is made unfairly and instead the person's true challenge is more a sign of struggling with complex ptsd instead.

There are different therapy's offered that have proven helpful, one of those therapies is DBT, and another is CBT and a newer one that has proven to reduce the symptoms from "unprocessed traumas" is called Accelerated Resoulution Therapy. If you have a diagnoses of ptsd, then I strongly recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in "trauma therapy" otherwise you may end up misdiagnosed and not finding therapy all that helpful.

For myself, I am now seeing a "trauma therapist" and he has tried using different therapies and has found the Accelerated Resolution Therapy to work the best with his PTSD patients. I have not been in this therapy all that long, however, what I have noticed about it is how much my body itself has been weighed down by the traumas I have experienced in my own life.

It sounds to me from what you have shared is that you drag your body out of bed, lug through the day of work, come home exhausted and can't wait until you can finally climb back into bed. When I finally did an ART session I felt exhausted and actually wanted to sleep most of the next day. After the session I had literally felt like I had been relieved of a heavy suit I had not even realized I had been wearing. Truth is, without realizing it I had grown used to living with how the trauma affected me physically where my muscles were constantly pumped up with "cortizol" because PTSD is an anxiety disorder and the individual who is suffering with it is much more sensitive and is often stuck in a "hyper vigilant" state of mind, as though they have their foot out ready to run and escape, yet their body is experiencing that as well which makes it harder to function and handle things in a more normal relaxed state.

What you are describing as uncontrollable mood swings is coming from how the trauma or traumas affected your emotional mind and often this is due to one's inablity to process their own emotional challenges that present from experiencing a trauma or traumas. Most of the time a trauma leaves a person with feeling "powerless" and the person simply had "no control" when something happened that caused that person to suffer and feel so powerless.

The reason why this particular link is helpful is because it covers how a person can at some point experience a very toxic presence that bullies them, constantly tries to control them, and they find themselves "trapped" and having to constantly work around this "toxic" controlling presence. It is especially difficult for a child in that children simply do not have the life experience to understand how to handle a toxic presence and often have to figure out how to work around that kind of presence which may very well be a parent that has problems and is to controlling and unbalanced and incapable of allowing that child the freedom to develop their OWN identity. Instead, often that child faces constant criticisms and experiences what is now called "childhood emotional neglect".

It's important to pay attention to the symptoms of ptsd because one of the symptoms that tends to be consistent is "shame and self blaming" which is why when it comes to abuse or trauma one of the constant messages presented is "it's not your fault".

At this point you are just beginning to learn about what ptsd is and how it affects you in ways you may not realize. What you have said "it's just a stupid childhood trauma" means you are not really aware of how that trauma really did affect you, and there most likely is a lot more involved than you actually realize. You are clearly struggling so it's time to finally figure out why and it will require patience on your part with this learning and finally looking to identify what's behind your challenge and to finally HEAL and manage these challenges that continually affect you.

Thank you for that Open Eyes. I want to keep my eyes shut! I am having a very difficult time dealing with the trauma. I looked into DBT at the request of my therapist. As it turns out it isn't covered under my insurance. I go to therapy twice a week. I have been going for over a year now. I still cant verbally speak about the abuse, I have to write it down. She reads my letters and responds accordingly. I have even started to read them to her if it isn't of a sexual nature. I am too embarrassed. Yes you would be correct, shame and self blaming are an innate thing for me after having spent all these years not addressing the trauma. I am 52. I think its too late. I actually find comfort in it. I know it sounds wrong, but its been this way for a long long time. I will never have a partner and I don't care. So what does it matter? I have a dog. I play my piano and I do what I have to do to wake up another day. But don't think for 1 minute I look forward to that morning where I don't wake up. I do.
As far as self blaming? I resent that term! My therapist constantly tells me, "it is NOT your fault". It may not be my fault but it sure feels like it. DYFS didn't do anything to my uncle. They didn't even tell my aunt because they were afraid she would have a heart attack. Can you imagine my emotions? My father yelled at me because my uncle let him use his garage to fix his boat, Once again I imagine how I felt at that very moment. Rage!!!!!!!!! But little did my father know that my uncle used that garage for touching me in ways I don't care to mention! Dear old Dad doesn't have a warm spot in my heart. My Mother died along time ago and she wasn't a good Mother either. Yes I did suffer from neglect from her, that's probably why she's dead! she was an awful Mother, I don't even know why I am here truth be told. I don't think I have the strength to see this through. I just don't think I can do it. I will keep going to therapy. I don't know if its enough.
Ladylullaby is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Leannebug, Open Eyes, unaluna
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 26, 2019 at 09:32 AM
  #9
I really don't think we should automatically re-diagnose someone over the internet who has been seen by a psychiatrist and diagnosed. It's not for us to tell a person if they have one disorder or another or to automatically start questioning someone's Dx because we happen to not like the Dx. Telling someone where their mood swings come from when we know nothing about them is dangerous. We are not professionals and should not be acting as such.

@Ladylullaby, I know the DBT seems remedial but it can be very helpful to go through the process of the workbooks, etc., and slowing down and really examining your emotions and reactions. It feels like first grade bc the rest of the world learns to handle their emotions at about that age.

I know that the diagnosis can seem like a label but it's really just a grouping of symptoms for them to be able to assess a treatment method. Just remember that.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
unaluna
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 26, 2019 at 01:17 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladylullaby View Post
Thank you for that Open Eyes. I want to keep my eyes shut! I am having a very difficult time dealing with the trauma. I looked into DBT at the request of my therapist. As it turns out it isn't covered under my insurance. I go to therapy twice a week. I have been going for over a year now. I still cant verbally speak about the abuse, I have to write it down. She reads my letters and responds accordingly. I have even started to read them to her if it isn't of a sexual nature. I am too embarrassed. Yes you would be correct, shame and self blaming are an innate thing for me after having spent all these years not addressing the trauma. I am 52. I think its too late. I actually find comfort in it. I know it sounds wrong, but its been this way for a long long time. I will never have a partner and I don't care. So what does it matter? I have a dog. I play my piano and I do what I have to do to wake up another day. But don't think for 1 minute I look forward to that morning where I don't wake up. I do.
As far as self blaming? I resent that term! My therapist constantly tells me, "it is NOT your fault". It may not be my fault but it sure feels like it. DYFS didn't do anything to my uncle. They didn't even tell my aunt because they were afraid she would have a heart attack. Can you imagine my emotions? My father yelled at me because my uncle let him use his garage to fix his boat, Once again I imagine how I felt at that very moment. Rage!!!!!!!!! But little did my father know that my uncle used that garage for touching me in ways I don't care to mention! Dear old Dad doesn't have a warm spot in my heart. My Mother died along time ago and she wasn't a good Mother either. Yes I did suffer from neglect from her, that's probably why she's dead! she was an awful Mother, I don't even know why I am here truth be told. I don't think I have the strength to see this through. I just don't think I can do it. I will keep going to therapy. I don't know if its enough.
I am sorry you are struggling with all of this and have these feelings about things, especially having no desire to talk about the trauma in your past. I just want to say that in my effort to provide that link to you, it doesn't mean I am diagnosing you or even making an effort to say that anyone who diagnosed you that is a professional was wrong. Instead I think the information provided in the link talks about how that CAN happen and I even do know this because I myself was misdiagnosed until I did see a professional that corrected that for me and explained to me how that does happen and why.

Quote:
I don't even know why I am here truth be told. I don't think I have the strength to see this through. I just don't think I can do it. I will keep going to therapy. I don't know if its enough.
This is actually a very common complaint that someone struggling with ptsd talks about feeling. I know that I can say I have also felt like this myself. I had expressed this with a "trauma therapist" and the reaction I get is how this is what most if not all of his ptsd patients say to him. The therapist I am seeing now only works with trauma patients, it's all he has been doing for the last 15 years and he has come across patients that during his practice that have personality disorders and has explained the difference.

The reason I provided this link is because it does a very good job at covering the symptoms and the difference between phobia and hyper vigilance as well.
The therapy I am having now has been explained to me where the trauma's I have experienced myself never got processed. My therapist has explained to me what has been learned from the effort to study the brain and where trauma memories are stored that when a person is called to remember a trauma they have pinpointed the area of the brain that is most active and have done this therapy and been able to see a reduction of activity in that part of the brain once the Accelerated Resolution Therapy has been provided.

All I do is share what I have learned myself. If you feel DBT is not helping you then you may find the Accelerated Resolution Therapy helpful. The therapist I am seeing now has told me that he has tried several therapies and has found this therapy to be the most helpful and I was actually referred to him by another trauma therapist that had no room for any new patients and she did say that this therapist is well known in the field and is highly respected. It may be helpful for you to look up this therapy and see if there is someone near you that does it so you can try it for yourself.

Different members have their different opinons and share what has helped them. No one here is a professional or can diagnose you. However, that being said, I have learned that someone can be misdiagnosed so it's always best to get more than one opinion. The first time I even saw the label Borderline Personality Disorder was in this forum and had interacted with someone that had this challenge. I asked the therapist I was seeing at the time that explained it to me. It was never anything I had been labelled myself with but I did notice it discussed in the link I found. I wanted to know about it because the individual I met seemed very nice and I just wanted to learn about it so I could respect that challenge and understand it better when I came across it on this site.
Open Eyes is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous43949
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 27, 2019 at 04:26 PM
  #11
Just checking back with you, hope your thread getting moved to this forum did not trigger you. You did not do anything wrong it's more that your thread title and discussion fit more into this Abuse forum but could very well also fit well into the PTSD forum as well.
Open Eyes is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous43949
Ladylullaby
Junior Member
 
Ladylullaby's Avatar
Ladylullaby has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 15
15 yr Member
Default Jul 02, 2019 at 08:09 AM
  #12
i am not concerned with anyone sharing their opinions about BPD. My therapist actually said i exhibit symptoms of BPD. I definitely have ptsd or complex ptsd. I am doing the DBT therapy workbook and it is really good training. knowing how to balance my emotions is probably key. It has been a long road. I didnt realize my behavior was so out of wack. My family just always judges me and criticizes me. I dont see them very often for that reason. They were never supportive. My Mother was a cold mean person and she died when i was 30. Nothing happened to my uncle when i finally reported him when i turned 16. My entire family swept it under the carpet. Nothing was done to him. Sometimes i wished i had gotten pregnant so then they would have found out. Isnt that sick? Its sad because he was my god father and i loved him. Even through all those years of the abuse. I even went back and had sex because i needed the money. he had a stroke while he was having sex with me and no one but my therapist and now whoever reads this knows that happened. My Mother and Step Father kicked me out of our house when i turned 18 because he found a letter in my drawer that i was gay. He said i was an embarrassment to the family. So i moved out and got an apartment with my girlfriend and worked 3 jobs. Never looked back, been on my own since that day. I now live in a condo alone. I was a lesbian until i went to college, then fell in love with my teacher and he left his wife and got divorced. I dated him for 20 years but we couldnt live together because i am nuts he tells me. He said he loves me but i have too many issues. So thats always a comfort!!!!!!!!!!!! Only not!! anyway, its nice to be able to anonymously write my feelings without being judged or criticized. have a great day.
Ladylullaby is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, seesaw
 
Thanks for this!
seesaw
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:37 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.