Anyone else watch stuff they knows triggers paranoia?

So I'm a big fan of the supernatural and scary stories, I love learning about mysteries, arg's, scary stories, ect. Heck I've recently been on a heavy binge from this one channel that posts nothing but this but there's only one problem: This can often trigger some pretty heavy episodes of paranoia.

Im not talking about being scared for a night, I mean going a month where I could barely take a shower since I thought I would get killed if I did. Like I just sat curled up in a ball whenever I bathed since I didn't want to risk getting killed but couldn't explain it to my mom so she forced me to take showers anyway (which is a good thing)

Like I knows its dumb and I know I'm more likely to get paranoid about this sort of stuff or dip into a long *** paranoid episode but they're honestly captivating. But I'm also the person that had a fear that someone was levitating outside my window waiting to kill me in my sleep (this spanned about a year or two? idk) And that happened before I started binging scary stories in my free time so this is next level dumb for me.

Does anyone else do this? Or am I just a masochist?

My hallucinations are demons, and I'm obsessed with paranormal shows, mostly Ghost Adventures, which deals with demons quite a bit. I also play world of Warcraft, which the expansion before the current one was all about demons and the Legion trying to take over. I guess I'm a masochist too.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Like they're really fun to watch. The fear that may come with them isn't all that fun but whatever. And usually with youtube videos their voices can be very calming and quite pleasant to listen too. I mainly fear dipping into an extreme paranoid episode like the ones I had in highschool but I guess thats the risk Im choosing to take lol

Ya, with my recent psychotic episode, I wouldn't stop playing WoW or watching Ghost Adventures, knowing it wasn't helping me at all. I had nights I couldn't sleep at all, because it stirred up the hallucinations to epic proportions and I was terrified to go to bed. I guess it's just something we have to know about ourselves and if we're okay with the consequences, then we keep doing it. If we're not okay with it, then we need to change the behavior.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Do I do it. No. My alter ego is chicken little. It's up to you to decide if you want to be triggered.

I don't believe you're a masochist, NotDeadYet, since you wrote that you don't actually enjoy feeling paranoid. It seems like you DO enjoy the shows themselves and that's quite normal in my opinion. They're MADE for being entertaining after all. However if you don't like your triggers perhaps it would be wise to stop watching them and try to watch something else instead. If you want to of course! The final decision is up to you. Just think about your decision, ok? Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, NotDeadYet, and to ALL the people you love and who love you!