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Member Since Nov 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 123
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#1
So I'm pretty sure I've been having delusions since I was around 14-15 where I was convinced someone was levitating outside my window waiting to kill me and if I didn't close the curtains they would (idk how closing curtains helped but it did) and its kinda just been downhill since then.
I have many fears around ghosts and shadow people (especially the fear that they're trying to hurt me in some way), I have fears that people are monitoring me and telling my boss about it (this was especially common at my old job) or that people are just monitoring me in general. I remember at my old job I liked to have my music playing as I took out the trash so that the people watching me could hear it. I also feel as if nothing is real, that its a simulation that's catering to me yet somehow hates me. Like I talk to people online but I sometimes think they aren't real and only serve to make me happy. Like I know it could be coincidental and there's a lot of evidence against it but I cant shake that feeling that this is all lines and code. Heck I like to say I exist but a bit to the left sometimes with how my body feels (if that makes sense) Ever so often I get a spike in a weird belief that I'm somehow 'more important' than others and that I'm being monitored cause of that. Problem is that I can tell this are all really weird to believe in. I know, on some level, these aren't real but I still do stuff and change how I behave to stop the anxiety surrounding these issues. Like I sleep certain ways and do certain things just to make myself feel safe. Can this happen? Can you be utterly convinced by something yet know its not real? |
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beauflow, Pygmalion
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beauflow
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 125
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#2
I believe so.
A lot of what you say resonantes with me, only at a lower level. Paranoia and elf-importance with weird ideas attached - that you know are weird but still kinda 'feel'. I honestly think most people get at least some of that at times to some limited degree. But I think you're describing something more acute and more persistent. I have no advice to offer, but if it is impacting your life or you want them to stop, I suggest seeing some professional. __________________ male hetero (GNC/CD phases) inorganic psychesexual (objectum spectrum) |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 123
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#3
Quote:
Also how would I bring up the topic without feeling weird about it? |
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
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#4
No you would not be wasting anyone's time with this. I don't wish to sound hurtful but as you have asked, it is not normal - and you are aware of this.
As a bipolar person prone to bouts of mania my own delusions experienced are primary those of grandeur. I once actually thought I was a world class outdoor adventurer - even though I knew that was unlikely. But I imagined it all the same. I did some pretty stupid things and took some pretty extreme risks and chances owing to this belief. I was damn lucky I never hurt myself or worse. The thing was, in the back of my head I just knew this couldn't be real. I should have acted on that gut feeling and gotten help not continue to behave according to the wild belief I was some National Geographic Calibre adventurer. What a disaster it could have been. Listen then to your own gut feeling and find someone to talk to about this. A good start is your family doctor. He/she will help find you some referrals and resources from there. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: N/A
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#5
Hi NotDeadYet,
This is a good question. Generally (from my understanding) people who experience delusions do not know they are experiencing delusions, but that does not mean they cannot become aware of it. Nothing in Psychology is black and white; everyone is unique and different even if and when they meet the same diagnostic criteria for so called delusions. MANY people who suffer from delusions will admit they have had delusions, but that doesn't mean they are always aware of them when they are, 'in it.' While I have never experienced delusions myself, I know several people who have. Perhaps their first experience sideswiped them; meaning that their full-blown psychotic episode temporarily incapacitated self-awareness and ability to discern real from unreal. However, after the first incident, their self-awareness was increased once they were given proper treatment and thus, made aware of their delusions, and or their delusions subsided (as a result of decreased stressors and or balancing of chemicals in the brain). I hope this helps. Thanks, HD7970ghz __________________ "stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget" "roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles" "the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy" "don't put all your eggs - in one basket" "promote pleasure - prevent pain" "with change - comes loss" |
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Rive1976
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#6
I might be struggling with a delusion this week. It's also been a stressful week, even more so than all the other stressful weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy trying to figure out if I'm experiencing a delusion. I'm pretty sure I am, but not positive.
I hate being crazy. __________________ |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,740
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#7
Yes you can be aware of your delusions. Example, I was watching the scary movie Carrie. She began to move objects. I was afraid I was going to gain that ability and because my faith teaches against such things I was scared. I knew I was not being rational and that I was not going to gain telekinesis. So what I did was instead of debating in my head and freaking out about if I could or couldnt gain telekinesis by watching that show. Is I just said I am not going to entertain this anymore and the fear faded and it is no longer a delusion of mine.
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Anonymous40258
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#8
I think it is completely normal to question your perceptions. Every once in a while our judgment may be blinded by something out of our control and that may cause cloudy judgment. Being uncomfortable about something does not mean you are delusional. Finding ways to discern fact from fiction and what is rational from what is irrational can sometimes take practice. Again and again, I remind myself of the facts. I think fear is the most common cause of delusion. If I am uncomfortable about something, I make a small adjustments to work towards a better understanding of my fear. Also, I think it is not a waste of time to talk these questions over with your therapist, and that is exactly why most people see a therapist. Fear is probably the most common cause of irrational thinking.
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#9
AB2371, I believe it's true about fear. I was afraid of something last week and my mind went from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds (seriously, it went that fast)...along about 40 my thoughts entered from "possibly real" into the realm of delusional. At the time, however, I was fairly sure I was not perceiving delusionally. I was fairly sure my perception was real. I was a mess.
It took a med increase, some charting, and some time with my therapist for me to understand thatI had been experiencing a delusion that escalating from a pin dropping to a nuclear explosion because my fear went haywire. (btw, I'm sorry this post is underlined...I can't get the underlining to go away.) __________________ |
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