The double nature/personality of a given person (didn't find this topic elsewhere)

Hi, my name is Amadeusz. I am from Europe, Poland.

First of all, I am not the native speaker of the English language, so there may be occasional grammar mistakes.

I didn't find this topic elsewhere, on blogs, forums etc. I hope that maybe You Guys will have similar views on this matter. I will try to be as clear as possible. This issue has been preoccupying my head since a very long time.

According to Your behavior, people are constantly judging You, they have a specific picture about You.
This is a well-known fact - nothing mysterious, revelatory or spectacular up to this point.

Nonetheless of your personality You have the right to join the parties, have a good time and be yourself - that's also a well-known fact - be yourself and have a good time with fewer friends or larger, or in a club or whatever place You want to. If you are an introvert, date introverts, basically people within your league - OK, again, everything is clear so far.

So what is the important issue I want to tell You about?
Let me explain it by using the general (based on my friend's true story) description firstly, and, secondly, my own experiences:

My friend's story: You are an introvert, a bit shy but relatively popular among your pals/female colleagues. Everything is sweet and dandy so far. They invited you over to a party. You agreed to give it a go. They are meeting in a club, a bit dancing, a bit loudly there. You don't like those places, You are an introvert a rather shy guy but again, everybody will be there.

You visited the place with your girlfriend with a wish to got drank and have a good time - and this is where the fun begins. They were constantly humiliating You, making fun of your girlfriend - sending her rubberneck looks etc. This is like You couldn't have fun because they only know your calm side.
This is what they were saying toward you and your girlfriend:
- I didn't know you drink alcohol!
- Do you two have sex sometimes?
- Whooah!! Run because somebody will **** your girlfriend!
- Why are You with him? He is so calm and he doesn't go out?

Somebody would say: Change friends!. However, changing friends won't solve the problem. Look, first impression matters. If You, from the first day, would made an impression that You are a party-goer, extrovert and a lady man, NO ONE would bat an eye about You and Your girlfriend, You two could even dance on the tables and no one would care.
It seems that You HAVE to pretend to be a extrovert and a lady men - in order for You to no be bully?
Even If You change the colleagues, they would still make fun of You - however, only on the inside.

My true story: In high school I met a very shy girl. I was a shy guy, but I had a friendly attitude towards everybody in my class. I was shy, she was shy and we were glad that we met each other - we liked to keep it that way. We didn't go out too much very often. There was a big party at her school. Everybody was coming with his or her crush or boyfriend or girlfriend. In her class, she was considered to be a shy and reticent person. I came to this party. It was so terrible to her. Everybody was humiliating her, the girls from her class were laughing their asses off. There were saying:
- Whoaah! You came there with your boyfriend, whooahh! We didn't know you had one!
- Give him a blowjob because you two look pale!
- When are you going to get married?
- Look at her, it's her boyfriend!

She was affected by this situation in a great way. She could barely handle it emotionally.

I invited her over to my graduation ball and the situation was even worse. People were approaching her and asking such questions:
- you know he is a weirdo? You are with a weirdo.
- What do you talk with him when you two are alone?
- Did you see his penis yet?
- Does he take you out sometimes or he locks you in his apartment?
The more 'calm' part of my school and class were giving us abased glazes/looks.

Shortly after it, she couldn't handle the humiliation and we had broken with each other.
The only times when we could be truly ourselves and have fun were at those festivals like Opener, where nobody knew us and we were just random people in the ocean of thousands of people.

Her close friends were also looking at her with some kind of humiliation.
To sum up, I think she was not afraid what other people would think of me but how they would judge her - so shyy and have a boyfriend? Whooa Did you see his penis yet - kind of stuff.

I am working in a corporation. On my first day I gave 30 people Durex condoms as an entry/invitation gift,It was a bold move however, I had to gave the first impression that I am a partygoer. So after a few months when the first in-company party was organised no one was laughing at me and I was kissing with random girls - no one was interested.
It cost me much. I am an introvert, but I am obliged to constantly giving the impression that I am an easy-going extrovert - so no one would humiliate me or my girlfriend in front of everybody's at an in-company party.

What do you think? I am a shy guy in general, i like reading books, hiking in the forest and I have only one best friend and a few 'friends'.

See you!!!

Hello kazimierzowie: Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm sorry I don't think there are any comments I can offer with regard to the experiences you describe. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Welcome to PC. I think your English is much better than you believe it to be

Welcome @kazimierzowie! Thank you so much for sharing your story! Yes, I can relate to what you're saying. Unfortunately many people have this kind of prejudices. My advice would be to ignore this kind of comments because they don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I understand it's an hard thing to do, but really, they're just jerks. They don't deserve ANY attention in my opinion. Perhaps you may decide to pick and choose the groups of people to go out with. Surely there are some parties and events that do NOT feature this kind of people or people who already know you like you've already wisely and wonderfullu suggested. Please don't let some jerks dictate your Life. You may get along with them but in the end I think it's important to ask yourself whether you REALLY want their friendships or not. It doesn't seem like they'll ever accept you for who you TRULY are. So yes, definitely avoid this kind of people when you meet them. Ignore any comments they may make towards you and your girlfriend if you have to. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm sure plenty of others will gladly help you out as well. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You and Your Girlfriend! I hope you'll be able to get back together with her as that honestly seems like a WONDERFUL, LOVING Relationship! Tell her that those people don't matter and that Love DOES matter abpve EVERYTHING ELSE and above ANY OTHER ISSUES you may meet in your future TOGETHER! YOU BOTH ROCK VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH

Just ignore the bullies, it’s not worth it to go out of your way to impress people. Maybe as a professional it is helpful sometimes to go out of your comfort zone and make a presentation or introduce yourself to new people, but not being who you are to look “cool” isn’t really cool.

It sounds like bullying behavior. It is more prominent among younger generations unfortunately. But at the same time, it's not completely reserved for young adults and there are good people who are teens and college age as well. Can you find other people to hang out with?

I hang out with people who are like minded & have the same values as I do. I interface with others but they are NOT who I socialize with.

Making yourself look like something you aren't just to impress people doesn't make you at peace with yourself. I have standards & values I hold with & no amount of peer pressure is going to change that. I just don't waste my time associating with people like that. I am who I am & yes, their first impression is usually very correct because I live my values in my everyday life. I have NO DESIRE to change those values & no amount of outside pressure will make me change either.