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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 02:13 PM
  #1
I initially thought about posting this on a pregnancy forum, but none of them felt right, so I ended up here. Also, I do believe this is more of a mental health issue rather than a pregnancy issue. It just has to be. I can’t find a reason for feeling this way outside of a mental health as no mother-to-be should feel this way.

We found out our first child is a boy and we’re devastated.

My husband and I wished for a family of 2 girls since we started dating. We had 2 perfect names picked out since day one and all we could think about was dresses and toys and pink rooms. Flash forward to 4 years later, we’re married and expecting our first child. We got pregnant after 1 month of trying and I was never sick a single day of pregnancy. I’m 17 weeks along and haven’t experienced ANY problems and feel as I always have. I’m not showing and I can fit into all of my old clothes. The pregnancy itself has been pure bliss. I already loved the baby so much and was so excited to go through the experience of growing another life. I know some women never have that chance and I was so grateful to have that blessing.

Well week 12 comes and we were anxiously awaiting the NIPT test to find out the gender early. We were praying for the results to say girl. We sat nervously with our finger hovering over the results button and together we pressed it… Boy. We were devastated to say the least. There wasn't a single genetic problem with the baby and he is completely healthy, yet all we could focus on was... "boy". Instead of proclaiming it to our family and friends with excitement, we sat there in silence and cried for 2 hours. After that time, my husband seemed to have come to terms with it. I, on the other hand, hated the baby and resented it for ruining our family. I hated losing our family that we have been imaging for nearly 5 years now. There won’t be 2 girls. We’ll never have our family of 2 girls. That sat on me for a long while. He tried everything to make me feel better about the situation, but the loss was killing me. I couldn’t get excited for the pregnancy milestones and even thinking about the baby was causing me sadness.

While I was so extremely happy and excited to be pregnant, after learning the sex of the baby, even that is tainted now. I think “yay I get to grow another life…. But it’s a boy.” And I immediately become disappointed again. I was able to mask the sadness a little by looking at all the fun baby shower theming they have for boys (the hubs and I are huge Jurassic park fans so making everything dinosaur themed is much easier for a boy). I was able to get lost in the dinosaur shower invitations, color schemes, and even baby dinosaur nursery theming, but even then, I know it’s only a temporary fix and I know it's excitement for all the wrong reasons. However, in the end, I always remember “but wait, at the end of this, I’ll have a boy.” Then I’m immediately disappointed again.

Hoping it would help, I looked up an article that listed 25 reasons it’s better to have a boy, and every single reason broke my heart because it counteracts every single reason my heart wanted a girl.

Nearly a month later after finding out the results, I’m still coping. I look up other posts of women who were disappointed after finding the gender, but even they said they quickly got over it. I want to get over it. I want to stop mourning, but I can’t shake the loss. Even now when we go through the stores to add things to our registry, I can’t help but cry looking at the dresses and pink strollers and pink bottles. I look at the boy section and feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

My husband and I only want 2 children so our dreams of having 2 girls (and even a girl baby shower) are long dead. However, for our second child we plan to invest in one of the “family balance” programs that helps you secure the gender through PGD. Even with the almost guarantee that we will be getting our girl sooner or later… it only helps with the sting as I still have to get through this pregnancy, get through the boy themed shower, finish the boy nursery, have to take care of a newborn boy, go through a few years of “boy” before we can finally work towards our girl. This seems like an eternity away and this “boy” pregnancy is just something I have to “get through”.

I WISH I could feel different. I really WISH I could. Even now at 17 weeks, all I can think of is “yay baby… but it’s a boy.” Then any happiness instantly fades. It’s now nearly a month after finding out the gender and all I can do is look forward to the next one. I can’t find love for this boy, just indifference.

I’m not sure what I’m expecting or hoping for in any replies… but I had to share my thoughts. I know I sound heartless and cruel. Why can’t I just love a boy and be happy with a boy? I don’t know. I’m asking myself that question every day. Thanks for taking the time to read.
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Heart Nov 07, 2019 at 04:10 PM
  #2
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this @mom2be2020

I don't really know how you feel, as I've never experienced that before, to be honest.

But I did find some articles online that might help:

The Boy-Girl Blues: Dealing with Gender Disappointment | Parents

It's a Boy, and It's Okay to Be Disappointed - The New York Times

Gender disappointment: Expectant mothers confess secret regrets

Why Am I So Sad About Having a Boy?

How do I deal with my disappointment that I'm having a boy? | Mom Answers | BabyCenter

https://www.familyeducation.com/preg...-i-got-over-it

I wasn't able to find anything on PsychCentral when looking up the phrase "gender disappointment," but I did my best to look for articles offered through a google search. I picked the first few that I found. I'm sure you must have seen those, but just in case, I thought I'd share them with you above.

Have you sought the help of a therapist? In such cases, you may need to find a therapist who has been trained in this particular area.

It's important for you to understand why you felt so adamantly about having a girl over a boy (I've heard the reverse, too, sometimes), and why your expectations were so high (as opposed to realistically weighing the odds and preparing in advance for a different outcome). It's also important for you to consider why a girl over a boy, for both you and your husband, and how you will be the best parent for your son so that your son doesn't feel unwanted, etc., if your feelings linger on in the future. It's important to find *professional* help when dealing with these things now, before the baby is born, so that you can enjoy the experience of pregnancy, birth, and many wonderful years with your son and your family as a whole.

It's good that you're being honest about your feelings, instead of trying to hide them. If you can share your honesty with a trustworthy therapist, then you may be able to receive better advice than what us laymen can offer, especially people like me who care enough to respond but do not have any experience with what you're going through.

I can speak from the perspective of being born a girl and feeling like my parents wanted a son instead, which was not directly told to me, but indirectly appropriated/perceived by me when my father insisted I called him "sir," etc. Such subtle hints affected my esteem and my childhood, not to mention my relationship with my parents. It hurt for me to think that, regardless of whether my parents intended that or not. My parents didn't believe in psychotherapy or weren't able to afford it, which I think hindered them from seeking the help that they needed for themselves and as parents. This isn't to say that you'll do the same, but it is just a thought about your and your husband's happiness throughout your pregnancy, your childbirth, and your lifetime as parents to your beautiful son, when he arrives.

I posted elsewhere about childhood versus adulthood dreams that we've had, and whether or not our dreams remained the same or differed. Many things in life affect our initial goals and dreams, and a wise PC member reminded me that there are more things in life than fulfilling dreams and goals; that being able to enjoy life and enjoy where we are at in life - given any and all circumstances that life throws at us - is more important that meeting a goal, making dreams come true, etc. It's great when we are able to have our dreams fulfilled, but it's also great to find a new purpose in life when our dreams, for whatever reason, don't come true. Health and being alive and maintaining important relationships are important, probably moreso than dreams and dream fulfillments.

You had an awesome dream, and I'm sorry that your ideal dream didn't come true. But I'm hopeful that you will seek the help you need in order to grieve over your lost dream while finding healthy ways to approach a new dream or a new way of living life to the fullest. --This is the best way that I can interpret all this, as I don't understand what you're going through, but I cared enough to respond with an opened mind.

(((safe hugs)))

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2be2020 View Post
I initially thought about posting this on a pregnancy forum, but none of them felt right, so I ended up here. Also, I do believe this is more of a mental health issue rather than a pregnancy issue. It just has to be. I can’t find a reason for feeling this way outside of a mental health as no mother-to-be should feel this way.

We found out our first child is a boy and we’re devastated.

My husband and I wished for a family of 2 girls since we started dating. We had 2 perfect names picked out since day one and all we could think about was dresses and toys and pink rooms. Flash forward to 4 years later, we’re married and expecting our first child. We got pregnant after 1 month of trying and I was never sick a single day of pregnancy. I’m 17 weeks along and haven’t experienced ANY problems and feel as I always have. I’m not showing and I can fit into all of my old clothes. The pregnancy itself has been pure bliss. I already loved the baby so much and was so excited to go through the experience of growing another life. I know some women never have that chance and I was so grateful to have that blessing.

Well week 12 comes and we were anxiously awaiting the NIPT test to find out the gender early. We were praying for the results to say girl. We sat nervously with our finger hovering over the results button and together we pressed it… Boy. We were devastated to say the least. There wasn't a single genetic problem with the baby and he is completely healthy, yet all we could focus on was... "boy". Instead of proclaiming it to our family and friends with excitement, we sat there in silence and cried for 2 hours. After that time, my husband seemed to have come to terms with it. I, on the other hand, hated the baby and resented it for ruining our family. I hated losing our family that we have been imaging for nearly 5 years now. There won’t be 2 girls. We’ll never have our family of 2 girls. That sat on me for a long while. He tried everything to make me feel better about the situation, but the loss was killing me. I couldn’t get excited for the pregnancy milestones and even thinking about the baby was causing me sadness.

While I was so extremely happy and excited to be pregnant, after learning the sex of the baby, even that is tainted now. I think “yay I get to grow another life…. But it’s a boy.” And I immediately become disappointed again. I was able to mask the sadness a little by looking at all the fun baby shower theming they have for boys (the hubs and I are huge Jurassic park fans so making everything dinosaur themed is much easier for a boy). I was able to get lost in the dinosaur shower invitations, color schemes, and even baby dinosaur nursery theming, but even then, I know it’s only a temporary fix and I know it's excitement for all the wrong reasons. However, in the end, I always remember “but wait, at the end of this, I’ll have a boy.” Then I’m immediately disappointed again.

Hoping it would help, I looked up an article that listed 25 reasons it’s better to have a boy, and every single reason broke my heart because it counteracts every single reason my heart wanted a girl.

Nearly a month later after finding out the results, I’m still coping. I look up other posts of women who were disappointed after finding the gender, but even they said they quickly got over it. I want to get over it. I want to stop mourning, but I can’t shake the loss. Even now when we go through the stores to add things to our registry, I can’t help but cry looking at the dresses and pink strollers and pink bottles. I look at the boy section and feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

My husband and I only want 2 children so our dreams of having 2 girls (and even a girl baby shower) are long dead. However, for our second child we plan to invest in one of the “family balance” programs that helps you secure the gender through PGD. Even with the almost guarantee that we will be getting our girl sooner or later… it only helps with the sting as I still have to get through this pregnancy, get through the boy themed shower, finish the boy nursery, have to take care of a newborn boy, go through a few years of “boy” before we can finally work towards our girl. This seems like an eternity away and this “boy” pregnancy is just something I have to “get through”.

I WISH I could feel different. I really WISH I could. Even now at 17 weeks, all I can think of is “yay baby… but it’s a boy.” Then any happiness instantly fades. It’s now nearly a month after finding out the gender and all I can do is look forward to the next one. I can’t find love for this boy, just indifference.

I’m not sure what I’m expecting or hoping for in any replies… but I had to share my thoughts. I know I sound heartless and cruel. Why can’t I just love a boy and be happy with a boy? I don’t know. I’m asking myself that question every day. Thanks for taking the time to read.
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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:13 PM
  #3
The only thingI can think of is that when he is born, you will be full of joy and amazement. I understand about being disappointed,but "devastated" is very concerning; I hope you can find a good therapist. That is the thing about life; we plan and hope for something, and when it doesn't turn out how we wanted, we have to find a way to cope. Sending hugs.
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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:48 PM
  #4
I am reminded by a bit of wisdom an old AA sponsor shared with me in my younger days. He told me that expectations are resentments that haven't happened yet. I believe that is just about on the money.

You will fall in love with your son the moment you hold him and lay eyes on him. I truly believe that. In the mean time, I agree with the wise folks above that a therapist is required. I hope you can get one soon. All the best--

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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:51 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly2 View Post


[...there are more things in life than fulfilling dreams and goals; that being able to enjoy life and enjoy where we are at in life.


This hit something with me. Truly thank you for this. Obviously this struggle of mine won't heal in a day, but tiny steps and thoughts like these are so helpful, which is why I reached out on this forum. I wanted unbiased opinions and thoughts from those not directly connected to me and something as simple as this, really helped. I understand getting so caught up in our own story that it's impossible to see logic or the obvious staring right in our face.


I so appreciate you reaching out when you had no real experience. I came here to hopefully hear words, any words, simple words even, that I needed but couldn't find myself.

Last edited by mom2be2020; Nov 07, 2019 at 06:47 PM..
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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:54 PM
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The only thingI can think of is that when he is born, you will be full of joy and amazement. I understand about being disappointed,but "devastated" is very concerning; I hope you can find a good therapist. That is the thing about life; we plan and hope for something, and when it doesn't turn out how we wanted, we have to find a way to cope. Sending hugs.

Yes I agree, it is very troubling after seeing others bounce back so quickly. That's exactly why I wanted to reach out on a forum to others. Even if no one here has experience with this, maybe they can see or offer something that I am currently blind to. Even if it's obvious. I know this is a problem, and fully articulating my feelings and reaching out to others seemed to be the first step.
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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:55 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
I am reminded by a bit of wisdom an old AA sponsor shared with me in my younger days. He told me that expectations are resentments that haven't happened yet. I believe that is just about on the money.

You will fall in love with your son the moment you hold him and lay eyes on him. I truly believe that. In the mean time, I agree with the wise folks above that a therapist is required. I hope you can get one soon. All the best--

Thank you very much for this.
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Heart Nov 07, 2019 at 07:04 PM
  #8
I will say, @mom2be2020

that I once dreamt about being a good, successful, caring mom to my daughter. But that dream fell away due to my mental illness. I gave my daughter up for adoption, an open adoption, and while I love her with all my heart, I'm nowhere near the mom she deserved. I wanted to be a mother so badly. I wanted to care for my daughter with all my heart, and to nurture her and raise her in a healthy environment. I didn't have the proper diagnoses and therefore the proper treatments at the time. And even if I did, I still wouldn't have had the resources. I would have been a struggling single mom with little income at the time, and I would still have this mental illness over my shoulders.

Society often weighs mothers down with guilt and shame, instead of seeing how much of a struggle it is for us to go through as humans. From everything being blamed on childhood experiences (not every mental illness or every aspect of mental illness is due to childhood experiences, btw), to mother-child relationships. It's as if all the responsibility falls on the mother - as opposed to including the father in such responsibilities. Gender roles cause us more pain than joy, it seems.

Our dreams stem from a place of obligation at times - obligation to fit a role within society, obligation to serve or to be served, obligation to be "successful," whatever that may mean, obligation to win favor or approval from others, obligation to perform a certain way. These obligations are so rigid that they leave little room for alternatives, individual differences, understanding, connections, belonging, and love.

I was harshly judged on many levels - from having a mental illness, from being a single parent for a short time, from trying as a single parent to giving my daughter up for adoption, from not being successful, from being too successful while disabled and without child, from being responsible for my unborn child while she was still in my womb (e.g., prenatal conditions, hereditary conditions), from being responsible for everything my daughter experiences from my actions with giving her up for adoption, from being responsible for my own shame as a victim of various traumas throughout my life, from not being strong enough to subdue my own emotions, from being too strong because I didn't show enough emotion, and the list goes on. This crazy-making stigma that women face only does us more harm and, by extension, our children's harm when mothers are not getting the support they need and deserve, especially from the "village" it takes to raise a child, the husbands who are supposed to be our "partners in parenting," and from acceptance as human beings and not just objects or trophies to procreate.

As I am about to enter into menopause, I consider the expired clock, the loss of my procreating role, the changed hormones, and the increased stigma placed on aging women, menopause, disability, mental illness, and more.

We're more than females who give birth to children, and we're more than the limitations society sets on us. We are human beings!

When I adjusted my own roles to fit within my own needs (not society's), I found peace. I found new dreams related to health, peace, understanding, self-care, and other-care. I found new ways to be content with what I have, and to move past the grief of all the losses I had experienced and perceived. I'm still struggling with all this, as most of us will struggle with one or more of these things throughout our various stages of life, but the point is that we are in this struggle together - as human beings.

To appreciate our children in the way that we, as women should be appreciated, is to understand that both women and children are not objects of procreation. We are ourselves individual human beings, no matter the gender, who deserve a life filled with happiness, wonder, health, love, and peace. We may experience hardships in life, but we can experience those hardships together. We support one another, and that is the best we can do, given the limitations of mankind and systemic problems.

As we tap into the genesis for our initial desires, we realize what really mattered to us. We then ask ourselves whether or not what really mattered to us ought to still matter today. In some cases, those things do matter - such as dreams to see society as a safer place, or to see ourselves as active participants in society in some way. We may not get the dream job, the dream house, the dream socioeconomic status, or the dream child, as some children are born with disabilities. Nevertheless, the mother, father, and child(ren) deserve support on individual and collective levels. Each are their own person, as opposed to extensions of the mother or the father.

Some people approach parenthood with the hope that their children will fulfill the dreams they weren't able to fulfill, which only adds further harm to both the parent with the unfulfilled wish and the child with the pressure to be anything different from what the child's individual needs are. Although some children will want to follow in their parents' footsteps or parents' desires of unfulfilled wishes, other children might not. It's important for parents to heal from their lost dreams, and it's important for children to be raised in a loving and freeing environment. Mothers are more than mothers; they are individual people who deserve love in return. For showering mothers with love will help them to be better mothers and individuals with roles beyond parenting. For children to see their parents in various roles is important, since they learn from the parent who is the parent, the parent who comes home from work or from shopping for household needs, the parent who holds fun hobbies alone and with the family, and the parent who has friends outside and within extended family. Children learn from their parents as individuals and teachers and friends and workers and more. We learn from our children, too.

Our children remind us about the energy we once had to explore all things new, to dream and dream some more, to play and make friends, to go through growing pains and overcome them, and to be vulnerable to those who can help us in times of need. Our children need us to be their leaders and teachers, their parents and protectors, their guides and mentors throughout life.

I may not be a mother, but I am a "bio mom" who cares, who understands, who takes responsibility for her own shortcomings, and who moves forward (even if it hurts).

My hope for you is that you are able to find freedom to deal with all of these changes with understanding, support, and love. My hope is that you can heal from whatever lies far below the surface, and that your pregnancy, birth, and family unit post-birth will bring you joy, fulfillment, love, and the kind of wonderful surprises that you never thought possible.

A therapist can help with some of that, but add to that support from your husband, your extended family, and your friends - that spells a recipe for healing and prospering.

You may grieve the losses that you've experienced and/or perceived, but you may also find new directions in life that far outweigh the pain of any losses.

Men are humans, too. Your husband was once a son who also deserved praise for him simply being human, like us women, who echo those needs to be human, too. Your son's needs are no different from the needs your husband has had throughout his life.

Maybe the needs between mother and father are different, insofar that the needs between female and male and otherwise (e.g., transgender) are different, but we are all human beings with individual needs, and those needs include love, understanding, and support.

I wish you and your family nothing but the best.

(((safe hugs)))
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Default Nov 08, 2019 at 02:10 AM
  #9
I say mourn the loss that your first child won’t be a girl. But your next baby could use having a big brother around.

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Default Nov 14, 2019 at 08:12 AM
  #10
I had the son I wanted and the daughter I wanted. But life didn't turn out how I wanted. My son had behavioral issues and committed suicide, he was a very hard kid to raise. I gave up and so did he. My daughter is a tom boy, bisexual, and non religious, everything I hate, but I love her. I'm working on the tom boy part and the non religious part. I'm making headway with religion.

Also I went crazy and lost custody of both my kids. Am divorced. Nothing in life went according to my plan, but it's God's plan.

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Default Nov 14, 2019 at 11:26 AM
  #11
When I got pregnant I wanted to have a little boy. My baby was so active inside me I really thought it was a boy too. At the time they didn't really have the ability to know what sex it was like they do now. I did not find out until my baby was born and it was not a boy but instead a little girl. I gotta be honest with you in that it ended up not really mattering because my daughter was a wonderful baby and I fell in love with her anyway and in all honesty all that matters is that your baby is healthy. It is really best to accept whatever you have and just commit to helping that child become their own identity and feel good about themselves. What matters MOST is helping your child learn "companionship" and why that has value and to help your child also understand that MANY children are not raised in a way where they understand how to experience that or provide it. So many of us are alone because it's something so many never experience and end up struggling all their lives not really knowing how important companionship is.

Honestly, it's not about pretty pink bows and dresses, that's not what is MOST important in the bigger picture, instead what IS important is raising a human being that understands companionship and can learn how to navigate their life interacting with others as a companion rather than focusing too much on what isn't good enough in themselves and others.
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Default Nov 14, 2019 at 11:56 AM
  #12
My first child was a boy and I was thrilled,it was what I was hoping for.While giving birth to my second baby the doctor said "what did you say your other child was," I told him it was a boy and as he was pulling the baby out of me he said "well,it's a.......another boy". I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. But I did(do) dearly love him.

When I was pregnant with my 3rd child(and by then a person could find out the gender)I was devastated to find out it was another boy.I so much had wanted a girl.

I decided to not have anymore kids after the 3rd one.I may have eventually had a girl but I just simply didn't want to have anymore,3 was more than enough.

It really bothered me and depressed me for many years.Especially when everyone around me was popping out girls.I was the only one in my family that didn't have all girls ironically.

I grew to accept the fact that I would never have a daughter.And tbh,I an actually glad I didn't have one and am so grateful and blessed to have my sons.I have a granddaughter now and feel blessed.

I believe we have what we are meant to have.We may not always get what we want but maybe we get what we need.(and now I'm hearing the Rolling Stones singing "you can't always get what you want" in my mind.Lol)
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Default Nov 14, 2019 at 12:24 PM
  #13
Something to consider: If you have a second child and it is not a girl.....how will you react or feel? Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life
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Default Nov 14, 2019 at 05:51 PM
  #14
Having a child is such a huge leap into the unknown, it's what makes it so exciting but also a bit scary. Maybe your fixation with having a girl is about wanting to be certain and feel safe about what lies ahead? To feel some sort of control?

Our children surprise us constantly in who they are and the choices they make as they grow. Boy or girl we can't know who this person will be.

Gender a case in point, I have known a few people who did not identify as their birth gender, they live as another gender now. Their parents likely never envisaged that, but it was part of their path.

It really is a step into the unknown but there are some truly wonderful discoveries along the way.

Congratulations btw!
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Default Nov 21, 2019 at 02:59 AM
  #15
Is there is more to wanting girls than decor, themes, colors?
Do you you feel like moms/daughters have the best relationships? Or girls are easier?
Are you wanting to redo/relive your “girl” childhood in some way?

You might feel like your son ruined your family, but that family was not “real.”
Our children will be like us, but have a mind of their own, too. Even with two girls, what all you'd imagined may not have been realized for one reason or another.
you can love and enjoy and be proud of your real family, flesh and blood, as they are. Children are beautiful and loving whether they are boys or girls. Sons can be wonderful! Mine is! And your beautiful boy has every reason to be as well.

I agree that boy stuff isn’t as cute as girl stuff but that’s all stereotypes anyhow.

I have never been one to envision the future, or get my heart set on anything, that way I avoid the feeling of disappointment. I avoid disappointment as much as possible because it is a tough feeling that is hard to move past! You did reaaaaallly have your heart set on something, and believed in an ideal. It makes sense that you need some time to adjust your vision and ideals. You want to make sure that you do not view your son as a disappointment. You deserve to have a loving bond with your first born child. Your son is important and special, and you will be a beautiful family.

parents must sometimes give ve up certain expectations about our children and who they are and should be. This is the start of that perhaps.
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Default Nov 28, 2019 at 02:51 PM
  #16
Expectations brings tears. Acceptance brings cheers.

You cannot engineer your life. Life is like a box of chocolates....you may never know what you get. Even if you say, had a girl....if tomorrow, she turns out to be a transgender and decides to become a man, what will you do? What if you have a girl who hates girly pink stuff. What if you have a boy who loves pink girly stuff?
Don't live in future micro-planning how things will be in your life....because that will never happen. Sit back and enjoy the ride....take the things as they come! And you can as well buy girly pink stuff for your boy. Buy toys that you wanted to buy for a girl. As an infant, I doubt he will notice whether things around him are girly or boyish. He will however quickly learn how much his parents love him. And if buying immaterial material things like pink strollers makes you happy..........go for it. Happier moms are the best!

I wish you and your son well. Hope he has a healthy life filled with unconditional love.
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Default Dec 01, 2019 at 08:08 PM
  #17
So many women can’t have children at all. You got pregnant so fast. You are quite lucky. You are having a human being. Of whatever gender. So embrace start of new life.

But I have to say extreme “devastation” is concerning and I’d recommend to seek professional help before baby is born
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 11:20 PM
  #18
Devastating is Tesach's Disease or severe brain damage. Disappointment I could understand. Your overreaction bemuses me. I wanted a girl very badly. I only had one child, and yes she was a girl, a girly girl, pink and purple, sparkles, Barbies and tiaras. I was mystified because I'm a practical scientist, but I went along for the ride. If she had been a boy, however, I'd have gotten over my girl wish in about half a second. You may want to seek counseling about your obsession with having a girl BEFORE your little boy is born. He has the right to grow up as a boy and not in the image you would create for him.
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Default Dec 17, 2019 at 10:29 AM
  #19
My daughter is my first child and there were no ruffles, ribbons, or dollies to be had. She was a tomboy as soon as she was old enough to choose her clothes. My son has always taken pride in his dressing and grooming habits.

It's all about personality, not gender.

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Default Dec 19, 2019 at 09:49 AM
  #20
I'm sorry you're so devastated. I think something you should work on is being more open to letting certain things flow. We can control some things, such as the house we buy or who we marry. We can't control the gender of a baby. You seem to make plans for things that can't be controlled. Does it make you feel more secure to do this? I think your disappointment stems from being so dead set on having two girls. If you were more flexible, it might not have hit you so hard.

As others have said, I think you should see a therapist. They can dig deeper and help you.
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