advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-27-2019, 08:22 PM   #11
Discombobulated
Member
 
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 224 (SuperPoster!)
297 hugs
given
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Thanks Eskie, I don't know how those techniques work.

At the moment I am in such a place that I am doubting I am fixable.
__________________
In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
Discombobulated is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 11-27-2019, 08:46 PM   #12
LilyMop
Member
 
LilyMop's Avatar
LilyMop Hoping
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 363 (SuperPoster!)
56 hugs
given
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Additional suggestions?


I too find it hard (but not impossible) to build trust with people.


My parental units and ''family'' of origin - not trustworthy




Mine are not trustworthy either. I have no family.
LilyMop is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-27-2019, 08:47 PM   #13
LilyMop
Member
 
LilyMop's Avatar
LilyMop Hoping
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 363 (SuperPoster!)
56 hugs
given
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
Sometimes I think the root of my issue is I no longer trust myself to make the right decisions etc.


Yes. I have been feeling this lately too.
LilyMop is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 11-27-2019, 11:20 PM   #14
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 21,992 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
11.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
Thanks Eskie, I don't know how those techniques work.

At the moment I am in such a place that I am doubting I am fixable.
I was at that place for over 13 years. A change of environment (left a bad 33 year marriage) & I found a wonderful psychologist in my new home town & several years of intense DBT therapy & life started making sense after almost 60 years. Those last 13 years before that I was so broken I was sure that being fixed was impossible & tried to give up permanently many times during those years. There is HOPE.
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-29-2019, 07:06 PM   #15
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 83,634 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
57.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Building trust is hard

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-30-2019, 11:07 AM   #16
StreetcarBlanche
Veteran Member
 
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 740
1 yr Member
218 hugs
given
Default Re: Building trust is hard

I don't trust anyone despite how friendly they are. I've learned that appearances can be very deceiving.

I am STILL stuck in a pattern of shame and conformity of emotional deference with literally everyone I come into contact with. Thanks to my parents' codependency and passive-aggressive personalities.

I think that's what caused my sister and brother to become gaslighters as a defense mechanism. My defense mechanism is to shut down and defer to everyone else and obliterate myself so I won't get punished. A.k.a. "anxiety disorder."

I "defer" to everyone else so that I can "hide" my true feelings and beliefs, to protect myself. Not a functional way to live, is it? Nope. But, I'm nearly 50 and if I can't fix this way to relate to the world, I'll never experience new opportunities, new relationships, new experiences. I don't view it as a mental illness -- is anxiety a mental illness I don't know.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-30-2019, 01:13 PM   #17
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 21,992 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
11.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Quote:
I don't trust anyone despite how friendly they are. I've learned that appearances can be very deceiving.
The thing is that maybe you learned the WRONG things to base trust on. It has nothing to do with friendliness or looks. It has EVERYTHING to do with someone saying they will do something & follow through with what they say. It is about actions between 2 people, not just how someone comes across initially.

Trust is EARNED & that takes a lot of time to observe patterns of behavior that prove trust is OK. Any other way of gaining trust for someone leaves one vulnerable to being hurt badly.

I laugh at people who say "trust me" first off. I always say "prove why I should" sometimes they do, most times those kind don't. It does take a level of self-confidence to stand up to those who try to push us into trusting them first off.

Over the years I have also learned that when people say something that doesn't make sense to me, that is usually my red flag for a lie or a cover-co & they NEVER earn my trust.
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-30-2019, 06:48 PM   #18
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 83,634 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
57.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post


The thing is that maybe you learned the WRONG things to base trust on. It has nothing to do with friendliness or looks. It has EVERYTHING to do with someone saying they will do something & follow through with what they say. It is about actions between 2 people, not just how someone comes across initially.

Trust is EARNED & that takes a lot of time to observe patterns of behavior that prove trust is OK. Any other way of gaining trust for someone leaves one vulnerable to being hurt badly.

I laugh at people who say "trust me" first off. I always say "prove why I should" sometimes they do, most times those kind don't. It does take a level of self-confidence to stand up to those who try to push us into trusting them first off.

Over the years I have also learned that when people say something that doesn't make sense to me, that is usually my red flag for a lie or a cover-co & they NEVER earn my trust.
__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-02-2019, 08:05 PM   #19
Medusax
Veteran Member
 
Medusax's Avatar
Medusax has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 664
2 yr Member
303 hugs
given
Default Re: Building trust is hard

It's darn near impossible for me anymore.....
__________________
I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world.
Medusax is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-02-2019, 10:05 PM   #20
Open Eyes
Legendary
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 19,041 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
16.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Building trust is hard

Most if not all abusive toxic people look for niave, innocent, young or vulnerable individuals who tend to be too trusting to attach themselves to. They know what to look for, they are predators who are very skilled at manipulating.
Open Eyes is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:39 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.