advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
MtnTime2896
Chat Moderator
 
MtnTime2896's Avatar
MtnTime2896 is down in the forest.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,270
8 yr Member
10k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 08, 2020 at 07:53 PM
  #1
Realities are mixing and blending with each other. Then I get clear and while I'm clear I panic. I panic so damn much. I'm panicking now, but it's because my reality was that of a nightmare only minutes ago and now I'm fine. I am safe. Until the next ******* transient episode and I might hurt myself again. Not self-harm, I just got surgery on my foot and I've kicked a couple times while in these states recently.

It's either reality and hell are both as real as the other, or "reality" becomes a foggy background scene while the horror unfolds before me. PTSD is what people say this is; and in truth, I can't say I disagree. However, the episodes don't stay grounded in pure trauma, hallucinations become more active at a point. Then it mixes and then I'm unreachable. I understand it's PTSD, but I suppose it scared me when a professional likened my symptoms to that of his schizophrenic patients -- stating my trauma had caused a similar state of psychosis. My depression has caused a kind of passive suicidality that's enough to cause health issues. It remains untreated, along with the psychosis.

I'm in ****ing hell. Thanks for letting me vent.

__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity."
MtnTime2896 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, eskielover, Serpentine Leaf

advertisement
bpcyclist
Legendary
 
bpcyclist's Avatar
bpcyclist has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
40.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 08, 2020 at 11:04 PM
  #2
I am sorry you are struggling. I can really relate to any kind of psychosis stuff. May I ask why you are not treating this?

__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
bpcyclist is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MtnTime2896
Chat Moderator
 
MtnTime2896's Avatar
MtnTime2896 is down in the forest.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,270
8 yr Member
10k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 08, 2020 at 11:27 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
I am sorry you are struggling. I can really relate to any kind of psychosis stuff. May I ask why you are not treating this?
I want to, a lot has happened (or not happened) in a search to at least treat it. There's definitely a part that's my fault, due to giving into panic I've missed many therapy sessions and a couple med appointments now, though not in a row. My insurance won't pay for my AP one day, will the next until I go get it and then there's a sudden issue with the insurance there. The AP I was prescribed anyway is more for people with major depressive disorder than anything else, so it leaves me without much confidence anyway. I have the remeron but haven't taken it, that truly just comes from a fear of antidepressants (I've never reacted well, usually end up psychotic and IP). I don't feel like my pdoc listens well anyway, though he at least doesn't seem as patronizing as my last one. There's a list of excuses, but the only two true reasons are: Myself and generally ****** healthcare where I live.

__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity."
MtnTime2896 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Serpentine Leaf
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:11 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.