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Old 01-22-2020, 08:48 PM   #11
hartbroken
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Default Re: stuck in a cycle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf View Post
Probably the hardest thing about being stuck in a black hole is how hard it is to get out, and how easy it is to slip back in without warning. When we feel like that, we lose the ability to believe we can accomplish anything. It ends up being a self-fulfilling prophesy: our mental energy is so sapped by the depression and low self-esteem that we might not be putting forth our greatest abilities. Then we fail and take it as confirmation that we can't win. I was trapped there for most of my life and have only recently gotten out of it and found my path forward. Self-compassion exercises have done wonders for me; I was attacking myself so fiercely that I was pushing myself over that event horizon without even realizing it. I'll post a link to information and exercises to try:
Self-Compassion

It's natural to think in a problem-solving way when we're stuck; we have problems, so we want to fix them. But sometimes we have to work on our emotional and psychological state first, so our thought process will be uncluttered. It's like having an outdated refrigerator sucking up all our brain's "electricity," and expecting ourselves to operate efficiently. "Brain electricity" is a finite resource.


I also don't think it's helpful to look for where blame should fall. (But I do think you're being much too hard on yourself.) I think it's most helpful to find ways to heal, and then once you feel ready you can move forward in a new direction. You have a whole community here eager to support you in your journey,hartbroken.
Thanks for your input, and for the helpful links.
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Old 01-22-2020, 08:51 PM   #12
hartbroken
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Default Re: stuck in a cycle

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Hey @hartbroken:I think you can feel productive and accomplished without going back to work if you are on disability. In fact, I think comparing how you are now to when you used to work isn't good for you because circumstances have changed. First thing you can do is try and set up some kind of a routine. No one can feel productive if they sort of wander through life without a plan even if you do not work.
The best way to stop focusing on yourself is to do something for others.
I am an alcoholic and also on disability. This allowed me to get well and stay home with my kids. I got sober 8 years ago with AA and one of their principles is helping others. So for awhile I took a prison committment where I lead meetings in the women's jail. I give rides to a couple of my friends that do not drive and pick up stuff they ask me to when I am out and about. A church in town hosts a free meal every week with the soup kitchen and I have helped with that with serving.
My point is if you are physically able, there are many opportunities to help others and I promise you it ends up helping you more than it helps the people you give your time to.
I think the only reason why I'm comparing myself with what I used to be able to do, is that there are people in my life who knew me then, and they really didn't go to the hospital to visit when I was psychotic. And they take the illness lightly. They don't know what it's really like, so they expect me to be the same, taking on challenges like they do. And I tend to get sucked into that mentality that I should listen to them and take their advice.
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Old 01-23-2020, 09:27 AM   #13
Serpentine Leaf
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Default Re: stuck in a cycle

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Originally Posted by hartbroken View Post
I think the only reason why I'm comparing myself with what I used to be able to do, is that there are people in my life who knew me then, and they really didn't go to the hospital to visit when I was psychotic. And they take the illness lightly. They don't know what it's really like, so they expect me to be the same, taking on challenges like they do. And I tend to get sucked into that mentality that I should listen to them and take their advice.

I'm sorry the people in your life don't understand. Are there any support groups in your area?
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