Mortality

I don't want to die alone in the ICU of the hospital with a tube stuck down my throat. Or alone in my apartment. (I read about a woman who got Covid 19 and died alone on her kitchen floor.)

The beginning of 2020 I had a disturbing xray followed by a disturbing scan. I have to have another scan in six months. I decided for six months I was going to do everything I had put off. Do more of what I like. I especially wanted to swim a couple times a week. I wanted to find a great little job and started searching.

Then Covid 19 happened.

I feel very strongly that I don't want to die from Covid 19. However, my lungs are in very bad shape after seven months of chronic bronchitis. I was diagnosed with asthma and put on steroids. I am paranoid and can't leave my apartment. If I got Covid 19 I wouldn't fare well.


My doctor said I was okay to exercise and tomorrow I will go out and start. She said I didn't have to wear a mask...but I think I will because I am paranoid.

I have also been having suicidal ideation. I called my local crisis hotline several times this week to help me cope. This is one of the greatest things about my state...amazing mental health crisis services.


I miss my son and it would be terrible to be so far away from him and die alone.

I was a hospital chaplain and sat with many dying people. This Covid 19 is particularly brutal because of how people are dying alone without family. I have attended to people dying alone and it is sad beyond comprehension. Even if a patient is in a coma I believe they sense when family is near. So the opposite would also be true.


I have a particular hatred of Covid 19. Please everyone, shelter in place.

((((DechanDawa))) I am sorry you are experiencing these fears. I have some health challenges myself and probably would not survive it if I came down with it either.

It is sad because even for those who don't live alone, their family can't be with them when they fall ill from this virus.

Don't feed into the fear, come here and post, distract yourself and wash your hands, keep all surfaces clean and stay home and away from people as much as possible.

You are such a kind hearted member, you are cared about here at PC.

Thanks so much. Take care of yourself, too.

Last week I did well but this week I have been very emotional. I am missing my son more and more. Tonight we talked on the phone for a long time. He spoke about helping me move to be near to him after this Covid 19 is over. I am not sure about moving thousands of miles when I have health concerns. I have also lived in the same town for over 25 years and I don't adjust well to change. But to be near family...is everything. I should have moved five years ago. I miss my birthplace on the east coast. I miss my son.

Try not to beat yourself up for whatever you did not do. No one saw this coming, no one knows what to do about it either. We are all in the same boat in many ways, some worse than others that see so much suffering and loss. The east coast aint so great, especially areas close to NYC where it's really bad and they are overwhelmed. You may very well be the safest right where you are right now.

Not beating myself up because of Covid 19 but because where I live has become very expensive. To be fair everything changed when mariijuana was legalized in this state...one of the first states to do so. People started to move here in droves and rents shot up. It all happened in the space of 18 months. Large apartment complexes are shooting up everywhere...blighting the landscape. Traffic has become insane. Everyone is distressed about the traffic. All services have become more expensive. There are not enough jobs to sustain the increased population

My son doesn't live in or near NYC. He and his girlfriend are working from home and staying safe.

Maybe I am safer here from Covid 19...but mountain states are very different than coastal states. I have lived in both and find people in coastal states are my kind of people.

Home is home and family is family. It's a difficult time to be far from both.

I believe you, have seen that happen and it does make it harder for individuals who can't afford to meet all the increases in expenses.

Yeah, well, it is what it is. The funny thing is a lot of people move here from the east coast...and after a year or so they leave. This is because they can't deal with the isolation. Even young people feel isolated. Mountain states have the highest rates of suicide. Go figure! Gorgeous landscape...and I do mean gorgeous. But it is very hard to get basic social needs met in big sky country.

Yes, that kind of environment is more for the introverted more quiet type individual that love nature and having space.

The state where I live has one of the highest rates of suicide in the country. The governor instituted a great crisis service a few years ago. I use the crisis hotline. You can call just to talk. People can love nature...but people still have needs for community, support, belonging etc. Oh well...I have lived here a long time and know the problems inherent with living here. (Now there is a substantial increase in marijuana use which causes other problems. Seniors are over-dosing and ending up in the Emergency Room! There's marijuana stores on every corner...three in my neighborhood alone. I am not anti-marijuana usage but it is creating other social problems which will be seen more and more across the country.)