My life is meaningless - male attention is my only purpose

Something dawned on me. Actually two things. First of all, life itself has no purpose. Maybe a lot of people experience that epiphany at some point in their life. And one response would be to opt for a Sartre-esque solution of creating my own meaning in my own life. I thought of that. But that led me to the second grant revelation: apparently, nothing brings me joy - apart from seeking male attention. And I have no idea how to proceed from here. Now, I literally no longer know who I am or what I should do, because what is the point either way? I am empty. I am meaningless. I am trite. My whole life has no meaning, no purpose, no greater significance.I am not depressed. I just have no idea of what to do now.

After almost 27 years, I realized that I have no purpose in life, my life is completely meaningless, and the only thing I have ever strived for is to get male attention. I am a succesful career ******, I have a lot of achievements for my age (I don't mean to brag) but all of that has only been done for the sole purpose of being perceived as attractive for men. I want to buy an apartment because of men. I want to publish a book so a man can find me more interesting and more unique and more alluring. I want to be succesful and gain fame because, yes, you guessed it, so men would find me more appealing. I worked a lot in the humanitarian/govermental/security field and I've always thought that I actually did it to help people, but it's not true. I've always only done it to increase my level of attractiveness for men. I know it doesn't work like that, and I feel so stupid and shallow, but it is honestly my real motivation.

This realization has also made me understood why I have struggled so much in finding love (and still hasn't). I am healthy, I am pretty, I am smart, and dare I say charming (again sorry, I really sound terribly obnoxious), but somehow I have sabotaged every single attempt of finding love, because deep down I know that if I end up with a man who loves me, then my whole life is pointless. Then I have no drive for anything. I am pretty sure that it'll mean that I'll never ever find love.

After realizing that I am engined like this, I have really started noticing just how often I think about it. How all my actions are bound to this stupid, shallow, impossible goal. I really want to opt out BUT HOW?!

I don't know why I am like that, and I honestly feel deeply embarrased for being so extremely shallow. After realizing that life itself bears no purpose nor meaning, I tried thinking about what I enjoyed doing. It was all related to male attention.

I don't even know what I am writing, it's a stream of consciousness to get it off my chest. But I have really been thinking and I have no idea of what to do now. I feel paralyzed, because how could I ever move forward now. What do you do when you understand that nothing in your life matters and your only drive is actually super, super shallow? How do I change? And to what?

(Excuse my English btw, it's not my first language)

Why did you think doing all of this was necessary to get male attention in the first place? Or do you want something more specific, like attention from a certain type of man? Is there anything you enjoy that has nothing to do with interacting with other people?

How? Can I get some details on that?

Hi feralava,

Perhaps you just need to find a different purpose for your life? A positive focus, a passion, something constructive that can benefit other people or even the animals, somehow. I mean, that's meaning isn't it? Proper purpose.

You're 27, still at an age of self discovery and growing. What you're thinking & feeling is not uncommon, at all. Just keep an open mind and not believe you have cracked the ultimate questions about this entire universe being meaningless. Keep that question open, please. We don't know everything. Let go and don't worry about men.

Also, a warm welcome to Psych Central.

What was your childhood like? You say you're pretty. Do you think there was a strong emphasis on your attractiveness when you were little that may have subconsciously lead you down this path?

I ask this because I often worry about my 3year old. She's very attractive.. curly golden blonde hair, blue eyes, and a beautiful smile. Where we live, she stands out. Every day!! someone has to comment on how "beautiful" she is or how beautiful her hair is, etc. She doesn't like the attention at all. She gets this from family, too. People are always dissecting how she looks. It's seemingly complimentary and innocent but CONSTANT. I finally had to talk with dad, whom, too, would make comments (I'm guilty, as well) and expressed my concerns. We are more conscientious in what we say to her now. She's not a trophy, a Barbie, or an object of any type. Maybe you have had a similar experience?

Perhaps your focus was always to garner attention from men, even as a young child?

Find meaning elsewhere. Explore. Open new doors. Don't settle as I believe you're not happy. Speak with a therapist and see where the root of it began.

Hey there. You ask HOW to get out of this life pattern you've found yourself in. First, I want to commend and applaud you for recognizing that perhaps there could be more to life than just living life to attract men.

And yes, I will say to you that this way of living will in fact will have the opposite desired effect -- and you know why? Because men typically or more often than not, like and prefer a woman who has her own life, her own interests, her own passions, and things that she can bring into the relationship that enhance the relationship and make it interesting. So if you have interests, joys and passions in life, it brings color and excitement to the relationship. If you have no joys, no passions, no interests and a feeling of meaninglessness in life without the interest of a man, what are you really bringing to the relationship, except for a dependency on male attention? This way of living also poses something rather dangerous in a relationship because if you need and feed off of male attention all the time, it will cause tension and problems in a relationship.

So how do you find meaning and purpose in life? You start by looking at all the activities you have been involved in in your entire life. There must be something that interests you, or excites you... subjects you studied, activities you participated in, jobs you had, books you've read, articles you've read, movies you've enjoyed, trips you've taken or vacations, dreams you've had.... anything... there must be something in life that you've enjoyed and which gives you a sense of fulfillment. Along those lines, are personal values and beliefs that make us each unique. I'm sure that deep down, you have your own sense of values -- of right and wrong in this world -- or perhaps specific political leanings and thoughts/opinions about our global politics or your country's politics even.

To live life for other people is not really living life -- not a full life at least, and it creates a dependency. And you're now seeing that, I think. One must stand on their own two feet to become a self-actualized individual. That is a part of maturing and growing up -- it's a part of becoming an adult. So it seems you are at the beginning of the process of self discovery, of self actualization. There are books that can help you through that process to discover YOU, and who you really are.

Best wishes and best of luck on your journey of self discovery!

Hello feralava: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. And thank you for bringing your concern here to PC.

Honestly... I don't have the answer to all of this. My personal opinion is that this is the kind of thing people sometimes work with mental health therapists to figure out. I think it's likely to take some in-depth "soul-searching" to figure out why you feel the way you do & what it means for the rest of your life. No one but you has those answers. You're going to have to find them for yourself by digging down into your past, as well as your psyche, & figuring out what it all means for you.

There is such a thing as existential depression. (Perhaps you've heard of it?) Maybe that is at least part of what's going on here. Another possibility, I suppose, might be what is referred to as "childhood emotional neglect". Or perhaps there was something about your relationship (or lack thereof) with your father growing up that caused you to be so focused on seeking male attention? You might also take a look at the concept of attachment styles. I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas here. I'm not a mental health professional.

Here are links to a dozen articles, from Psych Central's archives, that touch upon the subjects I've raised:

What is Existential Depression?

Childhood Emotional Neglect: The Fatal Flaw

Invisible, Powerful Childhood Emotional Neglect

Fathers, Daughters & Learning Self-Esteem

Daddy Issues: How Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers Can Cope (Part 1)

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...issues-part-5/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...oes-it-matter/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-ch...relationships/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I went to college so I could fine a college educated man, my mom says don't expect what you can't offer. Many of my goals are about finding my ideal man but it's not my soul purpose.

I do think therapy would be the most helpful option

but if it's something you can't afford or are unwilling to do, you could try, if you haven't already, searching for people online that have shared similar experiences to what you're dealing with. It may not be exactly what you're going through, but it may be close enough that you're able to relate, and perhaps gain some insight how they've managed their male attention seeking.

You could also do the opposite and share your experience in other forums and websites so people that can relate to you reach out.

Just a thought.

Life itself has no one single purpose. Life is a series of smaller purposes, successes, and failures. That's what helps you discover who you are. So many people are afraid of missing out, that they rush through it and don't pay attention. Then in the end, they look back wishing they had done things differently.

It's called the walk of life.

Because you can experience any number of things while on a walk, and go to many new places, meet many new people. But don't rush through it - life's a journey, not a race! Take time to truly appreciate it for what it is. (how many times have you looked outside and thought "IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE OUTSIDE LOOKED THAT PRETTY TO ME!" and just stared in awe at the beauty of it?

Life does not have a purpose. Life IS the purpose. Experience life, seek out life, create life...enjoy life. Have a life.

That's where people always seem to get confused. Life isn't the day to day 9-5 stuff we have to do. Life is all the things we are working FOR.

Life is not the mundane series of tasks we endure every day. Life is the reward.

One per customer, Unlimited purpose plan, but Purposes may vary.

You are very honest. I don't find that shallow.

Wanting to join with a person of the opposite sex is very fundamental, not shallow at all.

I don't have any easy solutions to your realizing that you concentrate on it so much. Other than finding a way to not be so hard on yourself.

Everyone invents a goal for himself and starts from it.