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Trig Apr 29, 2020 at 08:58 PM
  #1
The stalker isn't someone I fear physically, instead she should fear me. She totally seems to have forgotten that I told her never to contact me for her own safety...

She waited a few months... then per usual... I know her pattern with others... she contacted me, after I told her never to talk to me again. It wasn't over nothing, she basically ruined my life and it took a lot of time and effort putting it back together. She is completely reckless, also just self serving, is a black hole, takes and never gives back.

Just thinking of her drains me of energy but I need to decide how to handle her.

Of course she is the victim in all instances of stalking others, so I assume she tells everyone how mean I am that she cannot come back into my life. She thinks she is the victim for real, she thinks she has rights to other peoples time, energy, money, you name it.

I used to blame everything on her autism and being very low IQ, but I realize now how sly she is, even if everyone is seeing through her, and that she is stubborn. She basically never stops stalking people that quit being her friend.

She always needs her way and ruined her parents lives by this. Many times over. I don't know why they don't just kick her out, she is an adult, OK she has the mind of a child, but of a demon child.

You'd think she'd understand I don't want her in my life after the chaos that happened last year. It nearly got our dog killed, nearly got me killed, cost my friend tons of money, ruined my finances, ruined my stuff, almost burned my place down... just some examples. She just tells people after things like that they should forgive her and her mistakes. Some people sort of half took her back, but she can cry nonstop for like a week that they're not actively talking to her a lot. She needs you to quit everything else, just talk to her, for hours.

When I still was her friend she could talk at me easily for 12 hours in one go. I always excused her selfish behavior by thinking it was her disabilities.

Thing is, I really thought she'd leave me alone. How stupid I was. She was just waiting to try to get into my life. She has emailed me twice, whatsapp messaged me twice. She will soon come to my chat room and pretend everything is for me. Like am I doing OK? She never cared. She cares about herself. She really thinks she can fool people. I could block her on whatsapp, it shows if you're blocked, but I won't block her from email since it doesn't show anyway.

I can't block her from chat since it is a huge chat network, which is a bit of a problem.

I haven't talked to her since December after telling her what I think. And I promised myself never talk to her again. But if she doesn't quit contacting me, I'll start thinking of her and it's not a good place to be mentally, since I really hate her.

She probably has a string of new victims. Last time I saw her she was showing off expensive items people gave her for no good reason. People think she's cute and innocent and needs help. So they give her like expensive clothes and iPhones. Yes, seriously. Then she basically tear them down. Or drown them in her own self pity.

So do I answer her and really make sure she understands she's not welcome, or do I just keep ignoring her? I know she is talking to everyone now about me, as she has about others to me in the past. She gets super obsessed by people. I know people actually get very triggered by being ignored... but I really want nothing to do with her. Not even a sentence that I'll contact the police if she continues. I know she would stop if I did, because she has a huge paranoia about the police. But I still think it would be total failure and her winning if I speak to her.

So what do I do? Just keep on ignoring her and having her trying to contact me, very likely for years? With a few months apart. Or do I put an end to it and "touch" this filthy person? Ugh. I can't decide.

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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 09:33 PM
  #2
I am sorry that she is having fun at everybody else's expense but hers. Regardless of her disabilities she needs to know the consequences of her behaviour. Could you have an informal chat with police about what you might be able to do?

Her idea of fun seems cruel.
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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 09:51 PM
  #3
I doubt police will care. I used to have a short time stalker that managed to find out my true identity and he sent me death threats. Police said they didn't find his death threats serious enough to count as threats, they were filed with nothing done about them, as harassment. So I know talking to the police would probably just make them mad for using their time.

IDK if she's having any fun. She is always miserable and crying and throwing fits. But yea, these days I know you can't blame everything on disability. I think also she has some new needs and that is why she is choosing now to contact me.

Also something that bugs me is that she "prays" for people to have really bad things happen to them. I have no idea if this can have any effect, I don't have a belief in the matter, but it's creepy as hell.

Any punishment for her behavior she sees as it was true that she was the victim and now she gets more victimized. She doesn't understand it's because she did wrong.

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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 11:09 PM
  #4
Your situation is similar to an adult child going no contact with an abusive, immature, vengeful parent. Not that im mentioning any names! (Cough! Mom!) So i would say, you go no contact for your own sake, not theirs. So make that your mantra - dont engage with them. Read no contact stuff for support. Ya know, books n articles.
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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 12:20 AM
  #5
You don't need police intervention. The definition of stalking is "two or more" unwanted communications. You have several IN WRITING, as well as you telling her not to contact you.

Instead of calling the police, take everything to the courthouse (or see if there's a way to do it online) and petition for a restraining order.

That creates a legal record proving her to be the abuser, so you can clear your name. If she is also slandering you, you can sue her for all those nice things people are giving her on grounds of defamation of character. Just find proof that she's slandering you (or libel)

Good luck

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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 12:31 AM
  #6
I'm sorry she is behaving in this abusive and immature manner at the expense of everyone else. I agree with reading no contact stuff for support. Don't engage with her. I would not want to ''touch'' that filthy person either. I hope she goes away!

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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 01:04 AM
  #7
Thank you guys!

Restraining orders are really hard to get here! I have worked with a friend to help him getting a restraining order against a guy that used to be in the same club as him. The guy now makes daily really gruesome threats of violence to my friend, also threatens his friends and his pets! But still he hasn't managed a restraining order. Luckily he is not freaked out easily.

It seems like you say I should not contact her even to scare her into letting me go. I sort of felt that was the way to go but I really needed input. It might be better that she tries to contact me, and I still don't respond at all. Better than letting her win and yet again get my attention.

It's not like she's bothering the crap out of me. It's mostly that I forget all about her, then I hear from her and get reminded. I have really freaky thoughts when I can't stop them. Like that I want to cut her hair off because she depends a lot of her looks when she fools people, she is actually super cute. I hate having thoughts I am ashamed of. I want to be a civilized person. But she did three big nonos, she hurt my pet, she hurt my friend and damaged my home. So that really set off something deep and ugly inside me.

Also I feel stupid for not knowing how much she used me. She asked me to help me with homework and it always ended up I did her homework for her. After I broke off the friendship I can't believe I did all that. But she never gave up nagging, also she threatened with self harm if I didn't help, or told me I was selfish that didn't want to "help" her "just a little" as she called it.

Sucks to know what a fool I was. I'd rather forget that too!

She doesn't even understand that if she gets someone so mad that they hurt her she cannot go to the police since she is here illegally. She is scared of everything than things she should be afraid of.

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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 01:07 AM
  #8
Sucks that others had the same type of person in their lives. I mean, I am an adult and I was never dependent on her. I can't imagine how it would be to have a similar person as a parent! OK, my parents acted crazy a lot and weren't meant to be parents, but they never acted this bad. And then I know some people had parents even worse. Ugh. How can people be mean to kids even? Mine weren't mean, they were just exhausted.

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Trig Apr 30, 2020 at 01:14 AM
  #9
Oh. My. God.

I felt a chill go down my spine reading your situation. I am going through something very similar at the moment. I seem to be a target for stalkers every couple of years or so. In grad school, I dated a guy once and he had this bizarre paraphilia in wanting me to beat him up in a pit of mud. He tracked me for years across numerous states in the US. I had another one a couple of years ago, who was more creepy and awkward than dangerous.

I have one now that I've mentioned in the Borderline Personality Disorder thread. As an amateurish guess, it seems like your stalker shares very similar traits with BPD and maybe with narcissism - instability with relationships hurt by chaos and manipulation, clingy, demanding of time and attention, self centered, etc. I can empathize in that my stalker was part of a group of friends. He was this shy, awkward, lost soul struggling musician with an abusive family. So, I mistakenly tried my best to help him and show him what it meant to be an adult (he's well into his 20s as am I) as he was so immature. Then, he actively alienated all of our mutual friends and attempted to alienate me from my friends so that he could isolate both himself and me so that we would be solely dependent upon each other. About six months into a friendship, he declared feelings for me and became a black hole of time and attention, demanding I be with him 24/7. Nevermind the fact that I'm married. I was never interested in a romantic relationship with him. I don't find him attractive, he's immature, he's broke, he's in horrible shape, lives in his parent's basement, is uneducated and has no career potential. It soon became a nonstop parade of antics and crises where I would have to rush over and save him when he would get beat up by his dad or brother. And then, he wouldn't let me go, constantly making excuses or reasons for me to stay.

He then began to make unreasonable demands on my time, my dress, my behavior and who I associate with. He tried his hardest to get me to abandon all of my male friends and to not even associate with another male. He would also insist that I dress conservatively, except in his presence. I laughed at all of this and his reaction should have been a red flag for me. I suspect that his demands were more cultural than BPD in this. When I reminded him that I was married this provoked a bizarre paraphilia that he revealed to me in that it had been his lifelong dream to "cuck a white guy with a white woman." He was obsessed with white women and when I tried to set him up with an Asian woman before I knew his issues he freaked out. He's Hispanic. He also became hypersexual, demanding sex all of the time and displaying crass, disgusting behavior.
Possible trigger:
He had this off the wall fairy tale romance scenario in his head of how I would abandon my family and friends, throw my husband out, drive over to his house, make out with him in front of his family and friends to "show them", set him up in my house, be available to his every bizarre whim, quit my job, put him through school and teach him how to be a man.

Soon, the extreme emotional dysregulation with off the charts mood swings began to manifest. He would be in this nauseating lovey dovey mood, reading me love poems and giggling like a 12 year old girl. When I would deflect, or if I even dared to speak to another guy in his presence, he would flip his cookies. He would go from the pukeable lovey dovey to a screaming, cursing rantfest in seconds, calling me a b***, sl** or wh***. He would then try to intimidate me into compliance with his demands by punching walls, breaking things, threatening self harm, etc. On one occasion overnight when I left him after his latest crisis, he sent me a video of himself beating one of his guitars on the ground for around half an hour, it being just shards of wood and plastic for most of it, him screaming, "You did this! You did this! Not me!" This would be followed by sobbing, bawling, weeping, begging and sham remorse for his actions. Since I stopped contact with him I have hundreds of sob videos stored. He would then return to lovey dovey within an hour. It was exhausting.

I went from kind, patient and nurturing to sarcastic, rude and demeaning in the span of a couple of months. Before I knew it was BPD, I would provoke him by being friendly with guys in front of him and called him backwards and regressive. I told him, "Bro, you got no game" or "I'm so far out of your league I may as well be on Venus." It finally blew up about three weeks ago and I stopped contact with him. Blocking him didn't work. He just created different accounts. I let my voice mail fill up, which happened in a day. I went to the police and they said that he never directly threatened me. They spoke to him once, but it didn't slow him down. I get hundreds of texts and emails per day, interspersed with screaming/sobbing/giggling/selfie porn videos. He shrieks how I have been disobedient to him and that I need to submit to his will. He has approached his former friends who I'm still friendly with to intervene on his behalf. I'm thankful that he lives just far enough away that he can't make it on his rusty, rickety bicycle. Like you, my stalker should probably more afraid of me physically, but I never let my guard down.

I absolutely feel and empathize with you. Like I said, I got a chill just reading your story. I would certainly keep any correspondence between you that shows her pattern of behavior. I keep all of the texts, emails and videos. I know it's a pain, but I also document the unstable and violent behavior, time, date, place should I need to go to court for a TRO. I also have witnesses. The group of friends that we are/were a part of have all seen it and experienced his behavior as well. Like you, I'm not engaging and hoping that the star implodes or goes supernova somewhere else. It's been three weeks and stalker is not losing steam. Like you, this is life altering and it affects my behavior, my thinking and has negatively impacted the lives of those around me. It's awful to think about but we have to accept a new reality in our lives that has forever been changed by one obsessed person.

I wish you the best and my hopes are with you.

Alice

Last edited by atisketatasket; May 03, 2020 at 09:02 AM.. Reason: added triggers
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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 02:25 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by ARaven0137 View Post
He was this shy, awkward, lost soul struggling musician with an abusive family. So, I mistakenly tried my best to help him and show him what it meant to be an adult (he's well into his 20s as am I) as he was so immature.
They sound so similar! Although that guy sounds even worse. Oh man.

It's hard to even understand those people exist. I think I sometimes think people are just not given a chance, when in fact people have given them many chances. But they are so good at coming out as victims.

It came out finally my ex friend wasn't even abused by her mom, she admitted to making that up because she didn't want to help out at home.

You can really be dragged into their madness. I was on the verge of kicking her out when my guy friend nagged me into not doing that, then of course it came out he had a crush on her (like most guys). I let her have the guest room and said she could do whatever she liked with it to feel at home and comfortable.

As she doesn't have boundaries, this is both hilarious and really scary, she actually started revamping my whole home after doing her room. She knew I disagreed so she did it while I was sleeping or away. I could come home to her moved furniture and put away "ugly" things she thought I should throw away. I told her she was a guest, I lived there and any changes should be on me. I'm actually not sure why she wanted to alienate me from my home, but I now think she planned to move in and take over.

It's really bisarre. I've never heard of anyone doing that in someone elses home.

I'm sorry you had bad experiences. But I guess all we try to do is help, and misjudge the people who need help. There are a lot of people being worthy of help. Luckily I have found several and are in good friendships that are give and take. But I'm also easily fooled, like bad people must have it show on the outside or something... I guess people can like cute things like flowers and still be psychos.

Well, I learned a lot. So I guess something came out of it. I also understand now I was reluctant to break off the friendship, it had to take a disaster, because I had so much time and energy invested in her that it would go to waste if I dumped her. Not a lot of logic in that, but still a powerful emotion.

During the years I knew her, several of my friends died. She just told me it was nothing because her country had been in war. She used that a lot. Finally I asked her how many people she had lost in the war and it came out she had lost no one. She tried to get pity because her brother had lost friends, that she didn't even knew. Because she was worst off, always. It's not a competition I want to win.

But I still don't want bad for her. I mean, if she keeps on like this, someone will take it out on her sooner or later, but she doesn't fear it. She more fears someone doesn't like her hairstyle, such things, once she cried for a week because a guy disliked her hairstyle.

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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 04:38 AM
  #11
Wow, again I got a chill down my spine. No boundaries was what I experienced too. My stalker would get kicked out of his basement room every so often because he sat around the house all day and didn't contribute and was volatile. He begged me to take him in and I almost did. That would have been a disaster. Like you, my stalker was always trying to change me to fit his regressive views of women and he would have done the same to my house. You're right, who would do that without permission or even some discussion...or at all in someone else's home.

I empathize with you on being easily fooled. My friends say I'm way too trusting. I give far too many chances when everyone else tells me to give up on someone. I once had a coworker who consumed 90% of my time and energy because he was lazy and incompetent and everyone told me so from the beginning. You're right, finding good friends who give and receive is important. I was blessed by having friends who supported me through this stalker. I totally agree too on feeling like you had invested so much to just let the person self destruct. My stalker and I were actually good friends for six months prior and I still do care about his well being. On rare occasion I see the old him in his texts and videos and I'm tempted to respond, but I know better and within an hour, his roller coaster mood swings kick in and he's cursing my name.

While I hate to say misery loves company, I am glad to commiserate with someone who understands how dysfunctional this all is. I hope you have a great day.
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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 03:47 PM
  #12
I'm sorry if this has been said already. When it comes to many people on the spectrum, they may understand what the problem is but struggle with understanding how someone else is feeling about it and putting themselves in their shoes. They REALLY don't get it.

Any response you give is an invitation. What's best for you is to block her, change your number and email address, and really commit to putting an end to any connections and conversations.

Her parents will always be her parents and they understand. She's limited, lacks understanding, and they love her deeply. One of the hardest things in life (IMO) is to raise a child with special needs. I won't go into details about that.. but it's likely the only way they know how to help her is to forgive. They, too, need to firm up on their boundaries because lessons always begin in the home.

I really feel for you. There's NOTHING you can say to have her understand. Don't engage, 100%. Take care of you and move forward. As you've said, she's a child.
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Default May 01, 2020 at 12:25 PM
  #13
Even if it is not a nice experience it is always nice to find someone who experienced the same stuff. Having no one that understands can be lonely.

I'm sort of the opposite to my ex friend, I want to know how and what people think from their standpoint, so I can understand them. I'm also "on the spectrum". But I don't see many similarities between out issues with that. Like I like socializing but I also need own time. She asked me why I'm not with my friends always since I have good friends. Her goal was finding someone to be near day and night. Basically never leave their side. I can also generalize, she could never learn stuff for school (or life) because she had to learn every little situation as separate. Also I sort of enjoy helping, I asked her help with two things all the time we knew each other and she said no. Most my friends have some type of autism o ADHD and none are cruel like her.

But thing is, most of us others, if we have a bad day, we feel bad taking it out on someone else if that happens. We know we did wrong. She thinks she always did right and it's someone elses fault. If she lies which is often, it's always someones fault. The times she had said sorry is when her mom instructed her to do so.

Many people made her a project to fix her. I'm glad I didn't think I could change her. I just tried for her to have a better life. It failed of course because she turned down all external help because "she didn't need that", she just needed a 24/7 friend. I wish she had picked up at that help at the beginning and maybe live in a group home, getting adapted school so she didn't need to cheat, and maybe she would learn to know herself. She said she wanted to know herself which I think in a way was honest, but she told me all her problems was cuz her mom didn't raise her right... Sigh, her mom sacrificed most things to teach her and help her. She refused the concept that this was something she was born with. Because she thought if her mom had been different she wouldn't have learning difficulties with everything when in fact her mom taught her all basics with a lot of patience. She said life was unfair because I was born in the country and I'm smart. I tried to tell her life isn't worst to her, but she thought she was the person worst off on the planet. She even said God did wrong that didn't let her grow up in Europe, cuz that would have been the right thing.

Ehh.. yea.

The weird thing is that she actually did learn a lot from me. Like how to hold a conversation and turn taking. How to use the Internet bank and how to read the bus time table. Also inspired her so she dared try learning some cooking. Big and small things. I wish she had been in a group home where people are paid to have her practice even more. And maybe go to a self help class. But if she wanted something her way it always turned out like that. Even if it was worse for her.

Babbling now.... but the absolute basic of everything is that it seems like these types of stalkers don't think they are stalkers. When we were still friends she could ask me if she should contact an old friend that had basically dumped or ghosted her. I said no of course. She told me she would follow my advice, next day it came out she had indeed contacted them and never gotten a reply and now she was crying because how could they be so cruel they can't even use five minutes on her. Then bawling for a full day. Kinda crazy but when she was sad she took pictures of her tears to send to others, to show them how much she hurt. IDK, it just makes me shudder.

No one has said I should contact her even to tell her to quit. I guess I can be really sure now that is the right way then. I can just block where I can block her, and try stop thinking of her. As for chat, I think I'll actually ask another moderator to kick her out, when she shows up. They wouldn't have a problem with that. Then I wouldn't even have to have that slight contact with her.

Thanks for letting me talk. Some things I can figure out fine, some things are like unfinished thoughts, then being allowed words, things might fall into place.

Thanks everyone for your input.

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Default May 01, 2020 at 01:33 PM
  #14
No, Jimi, you're not babbling at all. In fact, thank you for sharing. Your story helps me think more rationally about mine. I think healthy venting like we're doing here is a good thing. Sad as it is, our experiences are stories, weird, dysfunctional stories, but I think it helps to tell it and find others who can listen and support us. It sounds like both of us have good coping skills for this, but I find venting out in safe places like this really calms me down. Like I said, I don't feel things very intensely, but I still get mad. I also researched BPD heavily once I realized what my stalker was suffering from. It led me here and I try to interact with people who have it to share and to get a better understanding of what it is. I really empathize with you on your stalker's sense of enmeshment. I always got overwhelming demands for 24/7 time and attention. When I got into my sarcastic phase with him I would say, "Be with you all of the time, huh? Well, I have this thing people call a job. Maybe you've heard of it. Many adults have one. You should try it some time." And he just wouldn't get it.

Wow, there are so many parallels in how our stalkers behave. Mine was absolutely convinced of the rightness of his actions. Alienating his family and friends was necessary so that he would have no distractions in being with me. "I did it for you!" he would scream. Trying to alienate mine was also necessary so that I would only have him to rely on. Fortunately, my friends are very close and all he succeeded in doing was making them detest him. I do get the sorrys when he is sobbing and begging, but it's more the backhanded sorry of I'm sorry you're a b***. Again, I got a chill when you said you tried to help her have a better life. We both seem to care about others and wish the best for them. My stalker was this manbaby son of immigrants who didn't fit in, was broke, lived in his parent's basement, suffered abuse both sexual and physical, was uneducated, awkward and shy. I tried to teach him how to carry on a conversation, how to improve his appearance, how to better groom himself, to find some motivation, some culture and I also tried to teach him what French and Japanese that I know. So, he felt I filled a void in him and would often tell me that he did not have any females, other than his mom, in his life since he was 15. I couldn't imagine not having any males in my life for nearly ten years. So basically he has no clue of how to interact with women, especially modern western women and he seems to hold onto cultural values of male dominance and that the woman must obey the man and not have any interaction with any other man other than her SO. I kept telling him in my US southern belle speak of, son, that dog won't hunt (that won't work) or you're barking up the wrong tree if you think I'll comply. Twice, before the drama went full on, my friends and I tried to set him up with a girl who had more traditional gender role viewpoint and he freaked, screaming that he only went after white women.

That must have been so frustrating. You put time, effort and care into someone, hoping that they improve and can become a functional adult and, like you said, they they repay you with out of control behavior. Wow, the pictures of her tears! You and I both shudder at that. I have so many pictures and videos of him crying like an infant that he sends to make me feel bad and show how much he hurts.

The latest is where he sends me videos, saying that if I would crawl back to him, he would forgive me, but he's sick of my behavior! It took a lot of cute panda, wombat and cat videos to calm me down, plus some heavy workouts.

I still think no contact is the best option for both of us. I think that any attempt to reach out, even to say, leave me alone, would just feed the fire. Obsession and stalking is such a weird thing, something that no rational person can fully grasp. My stalker and I had a break a month prior to the permanent break. Whenever I would say leave me alone for a while or that he needed to get his act together before I would interact with him again, it just fed the obsession.

Thank you so very much for sharing. It has really helped me process the whole thing. Stay strong!
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Default May 01, 2020 at 03:07 PM
  #15
Wow, such people there are. I mean I've seen it, still it is shocking.

He thinks he should forgive you, but for what? It doesn't sound like you did anything.

It's actually much worse than my stalker who demands I forgive her. Because then at least formally she must have done something wrong, admitting at least a little do doing wrong.

It would freak me out more if she said she forgives me, since I haven't done anything bad to her.

It's so weird she could not want to go to school because someone "hurt" her, like saying her sweater is nice (Yea even that is a hurt for her, not just negative stuff), but she had no issue going back after the teacher found out the paper she handed in was some old homework she stole from her brother... No embarrassment there. "Everyone is cheating anyway."

When we meet minds so different from others we can just shake our heads and wonder what the heck? I think that is part of why they get away with things, they cause so much surprise that we don't even have a comeback to that. Usually people on the mean side follow a pattern and these don't, or maybe they do but I don't recognize it. So many weird things said without embarrassment like one day she said "Pity you are so so OLD!" (I was 47 at the time). I asked why and she said "You will DIE soon and then who will I ask all these things?" ... or when she asked homework help and I said I couldn't cuz I was ill. She told me I could choose another day to be ill but the homework was due tomorrow.

People who have only met her once don't believe me. Because she is so soft spoken, careful, almost shy, she doesn't at seem to be the person I described. But same as with a disability, shy people can be mean as well.

And yea I think they almost panic if it is clear we left them. Then they have to get us back and the obsession will be even worse. At least I am glad my stalker isn't violent. And as I don't see her I don't know what she is up to which is good. When her mother's sister came all the way from USA to Europe and they hadn't seen each other in 20 years, my ex friend was "sad" that they talked to each other and didn't put her in the center of every conversation. So she climbed out on the outside of the balcony to scare and punish them for not always including her. The aunt left prematurely and ex friend told me how mean the aunt was for doing that.

For me it is hard to even grasp. When I went to Junior high, I had no friends at that school. It just made me feel like OK I should stay away am be on my own. It never made me insert myself in all groups and demand they love me. My reaction to be ignored was to just keep to myself and hope I'll get new friends at the next school (which I did). I have never longed to be part of a group that wasn't interested in me.

So yea, her and I as night and day. I still sometimes think of things she did that I would never do.

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Default May 02, 2020 at 12:03 AM
  #16
I've been stalked several times before, but this one was the worst and I took way too long to realize how out of whack it was since I was so shocked. There was a lot of, "no way, this isn't happening. I'm not seeing it correctly."

That stalker is a master of manipulation and projection. As he was destroying his room for the umpteenth time he was screaming that I was out of control. My not responding to him and ignoring him is rude and evil. But if I would see fit to beg forgiveness and give into his lust I could be forgiven. Today's round of emotional dysregulation was beyond anything I had seen. He literally punched holes in his walls about every two feet along all four walls. His bed was overturned, trash was strewn across the floor, picture frames were shattered, clothing was torn and cut. His videos were pure, violent rage of him screaming obscenities at me, calling me all sorts of horrible things while he destroyed everything around him. I blocked him for the umpteenth time, he texted me from another number (likely a burner phone), I blocked it, he texted me from another number, I blocked it. This went on seven times today, but maybe he ran out of burners now. It was the same with email.

Wow, she reacted that way to a compliment? You did say that she displayed some paranoia, right? And the justification too! Even after I told stalker boy that his **** pics and his selfie porn videos were disgusting he said I needed it because all guys do that. He had the nerve and audacity to demand that I use those for myself! Oh, and like yours, the utter lack of shame or empathy.

I think, like you said, they rely on the shock value to get away with what they do. There was a point where I thought to myself, no one is going to believe me this is so bizarre. Like yours, mine would make bizarre statements like that. I'm a little older than he is and he would always make these weird, you're going to be so old. I want us to be old, comments. Like he was obsessed with wanting me to me old. But the "you will die soon," comment. Wow, that is off the charts. Again, with your illness, an utter lack of empathy. With mine, my health, my sleep, my career, my needs and my feelings all paled in comparison to his sexual demands.

Wow, in the time it took me to write this, I got 30 texts from a new phone number and 20 emails from a new account.

He once tried to kiss me in my house and he got this...like the cat backing up when cornered.

YouTube

Oh yeah, they can put on a good face at times. Most of our mutual friends saw it so they knew the truth. Others were like, no, not awkward, shy L? He's too shy to be like that. Yes, mine is in full panic mode. I read part of one text, demanding that I unblock him. Wow, dramatic displays and threats of self harm seem to be central to our stalkers!

I know, right. I would never force myself into a group or upon an individual who didn't want me. It sounds like we both made it crystal clear to our stalkers.

Like you, my stalker should be more afraid of me physically. I told him on a few occasions when he started to become violent that I was taller, faster, stronger, had more stamina and almost two decades of martial arts training while he got winded running a block and could barely life a cinder block. Oh yeah, he once demanded that I cease all training with other males and train with him...so we ran down that block and he about collapsed. I said see yah and kept running.

Take care Jimi. I think your fuzzy friends in your avatar are adorable!
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Default May 02, 2020 at 03:34 PM
  #17
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Originally Posted by -jimi- View Post
The stalker isn't someone I fear physically, instead she should fear me. She totally seems to have forgotten that I told her never to contact me for her own safety...

She waited a few months... then per usual... I know her pattern with others... she contacted me, after I told her never to talk to me again. It wasn't over nothing, she basically ruined my life and it took a lot of time and effort putting it back together. She is completely reckless, also just self serving, is a black hole, takes and never gives back.

Just thinking of her drains me of energy but I need to decide how to handle her.

Of course she is the victim in all instances of stalking others, so I assume she tells everyone how mean I am that she cannot come back into my life. She thinks she is the victim for real, she thinks she has rights to other peoples time, energy, money, you name it.

I used to blame everything on her autism and being very low IQ, but I realize now how sly she is, even if everyone is seeing through her, and that she is stubborn. She basically never stops stalking people that quit being her friend.

She always needs her way and ruined her parents lives by this. Many times over. I don't know why they don't just kick her out, she is an adult, OK she has the mind of a child, but of a demon child.

You'd think she'd understand I don't want her in my life after the chaos that happened last year. It nearly got our dog killed, nearly got me killed, cost my friend tons of money, ruined my finances, ruined my stuff, almost burned my place down... just some examples. She just tells people after things like that they should forgive her and her mistakes. Some people sort of half took her back, but she can cry nonstop for like a week that they're not actively talking to her a lot. She needs you to quit everything else, just talk to her, for hours.

When I still was her friend she could talk at me easily for 12 hours in one go. I always excused her selfish behavior by thinking it was her disabilities.

Thing is, I really thought she'd leave me alone. How stupid I was. She was just waiting to try to get into my life. She has emailed me twice, whatsapp messaged me twice. She will soon come to my chat room and pretend everything is for me. Like am I doing OK? She never cared. She cares about herself. She really thinks she can fool people. I could block her on whatsapp, it shows if you're blocked, but I won't block her from email since it doesn't show anyway.

I can't block her from chat since it is a huge chat network, which is a bit of a problem.

I haven't talked to her since December after telling her what I think. And I promised myself never talk to her again. But if she doesn't quit contacting me, I'll start thinking of her and it's not a good place to be mentally, since I really hate her.

She probably has a string of new victims. Last time I saw her she was showing off expensive items people gave her for no good reason. People think she's cute and innocent and needs help. So they give her like expensive clothes and iPhones. Yes, seriously. Then she basically tear them down. Or drown them in her own self pity.

So do I answer her and really make sure she understands she's not welcome, or do I just keep ignoring her? I know she is talking to everyone now about me, as she has about others to me in the past. She gets super obsessed by people. I know people actually get very triggered by being ignored... but I really want nothing to do with her. Not even a sentence that I'll contact the police if she continues. I know she would stop if I did, because she has a huge paranoia about the police. But I still think it would be total failure and her winning if I speak to her.

So what do I do? Just keep on ignoring her and having her trying to contact me, very likely for years? With a few months apart. Or do I put an end to it and "touch" this filthy person? Ugh. I can't decide.
I completely understand how you feel because I had some experience with this. Do you have proof of the harassment that took place picture, phone conversation email? Called the cops on her and file a restraining order against her. I been stalk multiple times by multiple people, cyber stalk online. Change everything she has accessed to block.her, report her explain your situation. Let your neighbor know about her have them report her to the police should she show up. Let her know that the police will be watching her let her parents know what she done and they will be looking at lawsuits maybe that will get her to back off and get some help.
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Default May 02, 2020 at 03:36 PM
  #18
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Wow, again I got a chill down my spine. No boundaries was what I experienced too. My stalker would get kicked out of his basement room every so often because he sat around the house all day and didn't contribute and was volatile. He begged me to take him in and I almost did. That would have been a disaster. Like you, my stalker was always trying to change me to fit his regressive views of women and he would have done the same to my house. You're right, who would do that without permission or even some discussion...or at all in someone else's home.

I empathize with you on being easily fooled. My friends say I'm way too trusting. I give far too many chances when everyone else tells me to give up on someone. I once had a coworker who consumed 90% of my time and energy because he was lazy and incompetent and everyone told me so from the beginning. You're right, finding good friends who give and receive is important. I was blessed by having friends who supported me through this stalker. I totally agree too on feeling like you had invested so much to just let the person self destruct. My stalker and I were actually good friends for six months prior and I still do care about his well being. On rare occasion I see the old him in his texts and videos and I'm tempted to respond, but I know better and within an hour, his roller coaster mood swings kick in and he's cursing my name.

While I hate to say misery loves company, I am glad to commiserate with someone who understands how dysfunctional this all is. I hope you have a great day.
I'm watching my sister go through this but my sister had yet figure out she being stalked by a friend.
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Default May 02, 2020 at 03:37 PM
  #19
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I am sorry that she is having fun at everybody else's expense but hers. Regardless of her disabilities she needs to know the consequences of her behaviour. Could you have an informal chat with police about what you might be able to do?

Her idea of fun seems cruel.
That is great advice!
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Default May 02, 2020 at 03:40 PM
  #20
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I doubt police will care. I used to have a short time stalker that managed to find out my true identity and he sent me death threats. Police said they didn't find his death threats serious enough to count as threats, they were filed with nothing done about them, as harassment. So I know talking to the police would probably just make them mad for using their time.

IDK if she's having any fun. She is always miserable and crying and throwing fits. But yea, these days I know you can't blame everything on disability. I think also she has some new needs and that is why she is choosing now to contact me.

Also something that bugs me is that she "prays" for people to have really bad things happen to them. I have no idea if this can have any effect, I don't have a belief in the matter, but it's creepy as hell.

Any punishment for her behavior she sees as it was true that she was the victim and now she gets more victimized. She doesn't understand it's because she did wrong.
I understand how you feel. I had the police tells me I need a lawyer the lawyer tell.me go back to the police I had rape recorder, picture no one care. I had someone who has autism and claim she was a victim when she was in fact harassing everyone else. Significant other break up with her because she was unstable.
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