Comparing myself to others

I think it may be a normal social behavior, but I frequently compare myself to others, and end up feeling horrible about myself. Like when looking on social media, I see people my age having had kids, being married, having a nice home... and I feel so far behind. I know we all have unique stories and stuff, and I know part of this feeling comes from my lack of motivation and not doing enough productive stuff to feel proud of myself...

What do others do to avoid this?

My boyfriend told me maybe when I feel this way I should do something that causes me to feel proud of myself.

it really depends on the cause behind it. i myself used to hate seeing other people who are more successful than me. which does affect you in some way but i realized that those people are just better than me and i can learn something from them. i believe we can all learn something from each other. it's just that we focus on certain stuff that we lack and forget about everything we do better than others.

we also sometimes look at having stuff is equal to having happiness. like having kids for example, some people feel like having a kid would make them happy but it will just make them have more responsibility. from raising the kid to protecting him to getting him ready for life the best way. are all responsibilities that i think unfortunately a lot of parents have never thought of , well atleast not my parents.

the way i see social media is that it's a fake reality. people always posing when they look good, always posing when they feel better. no one is going to show you their dark side or what they did or suffer from. i do feel you K0123, having mental issues is such a *****. hopefully you'll find your way out of it and do whatever you want to do.

It's a difficult thing to feel like you come up short in comparison to others. I had a friend who felt very much the same. My advice was to try to set small goals, accomplish them with relative ease and build momentum. Success makes success.

I am the classic, parentally-driven overachiever. I have accomplished a fair deal in life, but I'm stressed, burned out and my marriage is a mess.

Hi KO123,

I can't say it's a habit of mine to make the kinds of comparisons you're referring to - yes, completely human comparisons - but if on the odd occasion I do find myself doing that, I just remind myself that I am me and they are them. That when it comes to people, what you see on the surface - Facebook, Instagram, and all these apps you hear people talking about - doesn't necessarily reveal the whole truth [not by a long shot in many instances] and that my personal struggles with life, and through this life, are ample reason why the comparisons don't match up. For some reason I don't feel bad about that. It's just facts.

So, that's what I do to avoid it, I guess you could say.

I guess it comes from feeling inadequate and wishing I had had the personal strength to get to where I wish I was in life, now. I feel my past still weighs on me and I give that pain my energy so that I can heal and be in this very moment. My focus has been on my past, I am trying to heal. So I guess I tend to forget all people have had unique circumstances and it isn't productive for any of us to compare ourselves to others, as we cannot fully comprehend anyone else - I even have a vague understanding of myself.

Once you realize you’re doing these comparisons, give yourself a pause. Don’t berate yourself or feel bad — just acknowledge the thought, and gently change focus.

This, of course, is not entirely normal if it causes a feeling of constant envy. You need to get out of this.

One of my friend used to say that he always compares himself with what he was the previous day (and he doesn't compare himself with anyone else), so he is continuously trying to improve based on his own individual condition and goals . Life is all about our learning and the experiences we accumulate each day, and each of us are unique with our own talents and skills. There are ample examples which shows that even successful or rich people, need not be the most happiest people, as it is all comes down to our perspective of life. One way to attract happiness to ourselves, is through compassion on both our own selves and for others, and if we try to be kind to others even with a simple smile, that will certainly bring happiness back to us.

I don't tend to compare myself to others. I sometimes avoid those who feel so superior to others that they act that out in numerous unkind ways. Deep inside they feel ''insecure'' and those other ''in'' words. I find that spending much time (or sometimes any time) in their company ''drains'' me.... I don't think that everyone who feels ''insecure'' or those other ''in'' words acts these feelings out to intentionally hurt others.... It's a complex subject and not one I am an expert in.

Hugs and respect

Great post