Seriously doubt my ability to go into the future alone...

I have been living alone since being empty-nested ten years ago. I moved twice. Once from a roomy rented three-bedroom townhouse, to a very nice one-bedroom apartment with a spacious porch, and now am squeezed into a dark and stuffy studio apartment. Each time finances have caused me to move. In my area I am paying as much in rent for a studio apartment as others (in others parts of the country) are paying for a mortgage on a four-bedroom single family home. I have been stuck here after a bad divorce. I don't own property or a home.


I am stuck because of finances.

Today I started to seriously consider that before the end of 2020 I will have to move because then rent has gone up again and is too high. Part of the reason, various property managers have told me, is that rentals skyrocketed after marijuana became legalized in my state.

In the past five years my mental health has suffered. Now I feel like I can't move again into an unknown future. I am older, with health problems, and high risk for Covid 19, amd unemployed.

I don't have a therapist and am not on medication even though my anxiety is high.

When I think about moving again, alone, to yet another new unknown apartment complex...my heart sinks. I literally do not think I have the ability to go into the future alone, and live alone. Today I had a major anxiety attack thinking about it and called my local Crisis Hotline twice.

It could be I freaked out from being totally isolated for nine weeks.


I know it sounds so crazy but the last two times I moved alone I was extremely traumatized for months and months. Before being empty-nested I had been married for over twenty years. I grew up in a large family with many siblings, and with a large extended family.

Originally I thought this "living alone" thing was only temporary. I felt certain I would end up with a new partner, or in a roommate situation, or in a large house with other singles. Why didn't that happen? Well...all of those are actually not easy to fulfill in my community. So that's that.

The future seems hopeless and I feel helpless to change it.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Okay, maybe that 2nd statement isnt so encouraging, but its not DIScouraging. You have freedom, and thats a lot.

My living space has downsized similarly. But hey, now tiny houses are popular.

You used to write about running or jogging. Are you doing that now? I think we want to be prepared physically for when the pandemic is over. Ready to do some kind of work.

I developed a respiratory illness in 2019 and it was misdiagnosed twice. Then it was diagnosed as severe asthma and I have been on corticosteroids since the new year. I was pretty ill and now am high risk for Covid 19. My plan was to start swimming in 2020 then all the rec centers closed. I think I might get back to slow jogging...but I have been worried...as with a mask, and my breathing already compromised.


Hmmm...tiny houses are usually something people build or buy or have made. Certainly none are for rent in my town. I would live in one in a minute over an apartment! Anything with a garden would be heaven. I once lived in a small cottage in California that was like a big-sized tiny house. It was adorable. Probably the rent is out-of-this-world for that cottage now, as it still exists although I am no longer in CA. It had a garden, too!


I did reach out to my old boss and finally heard from her after a month. We will probably get together in the future, and I think I can depend on her for a good reference. That was a glass full kind of happening.


Going alone into the future alone feels like a glass-half-empty or even all-the-way-empty sort of thing. I know some people love living alone but I have never liked it. This is my 5th time living alone. The first three times I only lived alone for a year...then I usually went on to another kind of situation. But apartment complexes are springing up like mushrooms here and house rentals are out-of-this-world expensive...even shared houses.

When I move I am extremely organized. I always hire great inexpensive moving companies. I do my research. I have moved a lot in my adult life.


I guess I am really weary of apartment living. You sign a lease a move in but you never know how it is going to feel. This apartment...I was here three days and it did not feel right. But it has a secure covered garage which is always extra where I live...and they gave me a good deal...two month's free the first year. I thought I would stay here a year.

I have stayed here four years.

Those who rent can understand how this happens. Sometimes there just isn't anything else available.

I'm sorry you're going through this right now, on top of everything else. I think moving is *always* hard - even if you're moving into your own house, you just never know what you're going to find out once you move in.

You mentioned that it's hard to find roommates where you're at? Is it worth looking some more? It sounds like you really miss having people around. Are there any "roommate finder" websites, maybe, for your area? I just keep thinking... you can't be the only one looking to share space with someone?

I'm sorry it's so hard !