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Randle McMurphy
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Default Jun 04, 2020 at 04:45 PM
  #1
when you communicate how much do you hold back? I have a lot of paranoid thoughts, a lot of which seem irrational, strange. plus I have opinions that people might not like me expressing, just the sort of thing that people might not want to hear. I tend to hold a lot of it back when in public places, sometimes I express them when in the company with others but that never ends well, usually ends up with them disappearing... and these are situations where I haven't even said anything "bad", just been emotional and said what I was feeling. part of me thinks its dishonest to not ever talk about how you feel or what you think and that in some ways you will just end up setting yourself up for failure. because the level of expectation in others will be different to the reality. but people always say you should have some filter and saying what I think never works out. I kind of feel conflicted on this.

I read my diary entries and they often seem different to what I actually say to people. so I do censor myself to a certain extent. I am thinking of taking the approach of having no filter in life just saying what I think and to hell with the consequences.
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Default Jun 04, 2020 at 06:10 PM
  #2
Hi, Randle! Well, there's an old saying, "if in doubt, leave it out". And if you're having misgivings, they might be your instincts. I kind of use my instincts to help guide me. Do you feel that way?
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Default Jun 04, 2020 at 09:45 PM
  #3
For me, I just try to stick to a general rule of realizing that other peoples feelings can be affected by basically anything a person can say. Affected in all sorts of ways because that's how words an ideas transmitted verbally work. I've overstepped the mark countless times I might add. But when I meet people for the first time, I just keep it light and not overpower them with heavy thoughts and ideas, ideas I know they might find distasteful or even offensive, because I just think it's respectful to observe their feelings. After all, 9 times out of 10, they're going out of their way to be nice as well. But as I say, I've overstepped the mark many times, especially when I was younger. Now, I think there's a time and place for everything.

So, that's it. If they want to turn around and flee, then that's fine. It's who they are. I prefer few people in my life anyway.

But there's the other similar saying to Breaking Dawn's one, too, which is: If in doubt say nowt.
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Default Jun 04, 2020 at 11:06 PM
  #4
I generally try to follow the leads of others. I tend to overpower people when I get on a roll. I take human rights and civil rihts issues very hard and very personally. Not everyone really cares so much abou tthese things. I am weird this way.

But sometimes, occasionally, someone I run into also cares. Then, I am often quite open.

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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 04:26 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Hi, Randle! Well, there's an old saying, "if in doubt, leave it out". And if you're having misgivings, they might be your instincts. I kind of use my instincts to help guide me. Do you feel that way?
I think i've just done it by rule, like its been my general approach to keep quiet for a long time now. I am scared of conflict ,and I don't like to upset other people. but I have learned that you can't make everyone happy and even by being mindful, quiet, and simply speaking when spoken to can rub people up the wrong way. I don't know why that is though? and I think people would disagree with that statement.

one problem I encounter a lot is irritation, small things like misophonia and that sort of response to things in life, I often say nothing about this and try my best to keep it to myself (not entirely sure how good at that I am because it is possibly written all over my body language?). but then when a person gets to know me and they realise I have these issues it almost feels like I have deceived them, it wasn't what they were expecting and its not something they really want to have to deal with. :/
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 05:38 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Randle McMurphy View Post
I have a lot of paranoid thoughts, a lot of which seem irrational, strange. plus I have opinions that people might not like me expressing, just the sort of thing that people might not want to hear. I tend to hold a lot of it back when in public places, sometimes I express them when in the company with others but that never ends well, usually ends up with them disappearing... and these are situations where I haven't even said anything "bad", just been emotional and said what I was feeling. part of me thinks its dishonest to not ever talk about how you feel or what you think and that in some ways you will just end up setting yourself up for failure.
Holding back your feelings at work, in public places, etc, is a good survival instinct! On a very few occasions, I have held back and then got too emotional when I expressed myself. It doesn't happen much but I have done it enough times to relate. I remember saying to myself from a very young age "to sleep on it" because, many times when I am feeling disturbed about something, after a good night's sleep--the issue seems much less important in the morning. The 'sleep on it" technique has helped me with other lame brained ideas too! For me, if I still feel like I need to express the same thing the next day then perhaps I need to address it. It is important to raise important issues to significant others and close family and friends. When we don't, it can make mistrust and paranoia grow. Talking can confirm whether or not your paranoia is valid if you are direct enough and not afraid to ask follow-up questions. If the issue is important, it is important to not hold back.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 05:47 AM
  #7
I don't have much of a filter, and honestly it has gotten me in trouble. There are some things people don't want to hear. I would wait until you have established trust before saying everything that's on your mind.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 07:43 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by Randle McMurphy View Post
when you communicate how much do you hold back? I have a lot of paranoid thoughts, a lot of which seem irrational, strange. plus I have opinions that people might not like me expressing, just the sort of thing that people might not want to hear. I tend to hold a lot of it back when in public places, sometimes I express them when in the company with others but that never ends well, usually ends up with them disappearing... and these are situations where I haven't even said anything "bad", just been emotional and said what I was feeling. part of me thinks its dishonest to not ever talk about how you feel or what you think and that in some ways you will just end up setting yourself up for failure. because the level of expectation in others will be different to the reality. but people always say you should have some filter and saying what I think never works out. I kind of feel conflicted on this.

I read my diary entries and they often seem different to what I actually say to people. so I do censor myself to a certain extent. I am thinking of taking the approach of having no filter in life just saying what I think and to hell with the consequences.
You ask "how much do you hold back?" My answer is a lot. I find people don't really want to know my inner thoughts and are uncomfortable with my inner pain. I used to take that personally, but I think it really is rather that most people are uncomfortable with that--just in general. Nowadays I try to gauge how critically important what I want to say is, and it turns out, what I have to say isn't welcomed or needed.

I make an exception for this website, because many of us here are seeking support or understanding. Maybe that is the answer--I think it is for me--tailoring my output to my surroundings. Even here though I don't write all I feel--because I feel--but so do other people and I want to respect their feelings. I hope that helps.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 09:48 PM
  #9
I'm the opposite of this. I speak up even if it makes someone uncomfortable. I'm not mean, insensitive, or rude. I'm just blunt at times. I'm the "doer".. the one who thinks outside the box.. the one who speaks/thinks from a different angle. It's not a bad thing. I've been thanked many times. I've had friends leave their relationships because of something I've said. I think honesty is important and want others to treat me just the same.

I've also inadvertently offended. I've said things unclearly to the point it was misinterpreted. I've been "put in my place" more than once. Tell me and give me opportunity to apologize, explain, amd make it right.

At the end of the day, there needs to be a balance. If we offend, we learn to be more mindful of others. We all have different levels of tolerance, sensitivities, and openness. It's a bit of a dance.

Sometimes people are offended because a truth struck a chord within themselves they're not ready to face or address. Sometimes people are offended by how a message was delivered. So, if you've offended, apologize. Learn something. Don't censor yourself in fear you're going to upset someone. Be you and be kind. You meet likeminded people that way.
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Default Jun 06, 2020 at 10:00 AM
  #10
I usually dont speak up for myself as i am a very shy person. i get hurt easily. i respect what others say, even if i dont agree. i really could care less most of the time as i find people are just ignorant not meaning or knowing they are, but this brings me to say Silence is Golden.
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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 04:16 PM
  #11
I'm not sure


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