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pliepla
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Trig Jun 25, 2020 at 08:53 AM
  #1
For yers, I've been suffering from depression. Last summer (July 2019), my partner wanted to divorce. It became even harder. I have really bee nstruggling, most of all in my efforts to build up something that could pass as a social network.

In September, I continued attending tango classes and I also started painting classes: as a child and adolescent, I was always drawing, working with clay, etc. I really missed this and for most of my adult life my inner artist - if I am allowed to even use that word - was always in conflict with the engineer my parents wanted (and forced me to become).

With covid-19, tango and painting classes were suspended. I tried painting at home but is was hard: I missed my peers and the inspiration I got from seeing their work (strangely enough, people seem to think the same about me) but most of all, the place where I'm living is in fact inhabitable (i.e. if I was a landlord, I could be sued but as I am the owner, I'm free to live in the only dump I could afford).
It has been quite the struggle: on one hand, I had more social contact than ever when I went out for a walk. On the other everything that was supposed to help me cope with my situation was ended. Eventually I started cycling again. This has always been a lifesaver and all went well until I fainted during excercise two weeks ago. I was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and got the advise to stop doing sports altogether ...

Ever since, my head has been bursting with ideas for paintings and drawings. Most involve self portraits in which I am
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I'm not sure what to do with this. These images are haunting me but I'm scared that if I bring them to life, they will be more confronting than I can handle. In a way, I believe that, if I'm ever going to paint something again, this will be it. But I don't want anyone to see these images. I even doubt whether I want to see them myself and it's probably not a good idea to have them lingering about.

Has anybody experienced this before? How did you handle it?

Last edited by bluekoi; Jun 26, 2020 at 07:42 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. Apply trigger code.
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Default Jun 25, 2020 at 04:45 PM
  #2
I've been in a very similar situation, and also wondered what to do. Before I made a decision I studied the lives and works of artists who struggled with mental illness. What did they do? How did they use their demons to fuel their creativity?

You are not alone in this; so many have come before you.

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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 02:38 AM
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I had no clue you were so hopeless. ... Is it true that you are any acceptable? ... about shading, sythesis, strategy, or brush strokes, yet Shep's painting called to her, mixed her.
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 08:00 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
I've been in a very similar situation, and also wondered what to do. Before I made a decision I studied the lives and works of artists who struggled with mental illness. What did they do? How did they use their demons to fuel their creativity?
Do you have any names?


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You are not alone in this; so many have come before you.
There goes my shot at a career as an artist
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 09:19 AM
  #5
Why don't you try doing a drawing/painting and see if it helps?

Came back to add to this....

You've lost two of your outlets. Many of us are scrambling to find new coping skills since we don't have access to what's worked for us.

There's a whole branch of therapy called art therapy. It allows a person to express themself without having to use words. I understand your concern about loosing your demons. Maybe art work would drain their energy instead? Think if you wrote down what you want to draw. Would it make things worse? Maybe you could try with something small and see how it goes?

Please do what feels right for you.

Last edited by lizardlady; Jun 26, 2020 at 10:56 AM.. Reason: added more
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 09:53 AM
  #6
@pliepla

I forget the name of this famous artist but...

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The artist does not need permission to create but if you feel it may be detrimental to your mental health then it's probably not a good idea. On the other hand I'm sure some people who keep journals for mental health reasons, write some pretty confronting private thoughts in them as well, so I guess it's up to you in the end, friend.
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 10:18 AM
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... if you feel it may be detrimental to your mental health then it's probably not a good idea.

That's why it scares me, but I'm also wondering whether I'll be able to let things go if I try.
For some naieve reason, I'm still always hoping there is a standard answer to this type of questions ... I guess I'll just have to jump into the water and see whether/hope I can swim.

Is there a place to put up these things if I feel compelled to for some odd reason (like a sudden sense of pride or another type of exotic emotion)?
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 10:42 AM
  #8
I am not an artist, by all means! I can do a little drawing maybe but that's about it. I admire people who can do art work very well.

I personally think it's not a good idea to do that. I feel like if you have some kind of demons in your head, then it's not a good idea to feed it. It would be equivalent for me, since I don't draw, to turn on grunge rock or heavy metal real loud when I'm angry. It may feel good at first, but after a while, it can over take me.

Adolf Hitler had great ability in art, I thought. But his pictures were very creepy, to say the very least. Well, you know how he turned out to be. I'm sorry if this is upsetting.

Just my 2 cents worth.
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 10:58 AM
  #9
Will19, drawing or painting could drain energy from the demons instead of feeding them
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 11:22 AM
  #10
I hear you, @pliepla, yes. I really don't know what the best answer for you is either, my friend. But if you did decide to post your creation/s publicly, I'd suggest taking a look at the site DeviantArt DeviantArt - Discover The Largest Online Art Gallery and Community. It says it's the largest online art community, and they have all kinds of topics and a forum for it's members as well. It's completely public. Some amazing artists on that site and just art from anyone who want's to post. They have a 'horror' section too with some pretty gory old creations in it, so that suggests to me that they're probably quite liberal in terms of the art people can post. But naturally, check out the site rules and guidelines if you do decide to utilize that site. The forum could be helpful too, in terms of getting feedback from other artists.

I don't believe I'm in breach of Psych Central guidelines by suggestion DeviantArt website to you, but I might be. Depends how admin looks at it.
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 10:46 PM
  #11
If that will help you get them out of your system.....
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 04:37 AM
  #12
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Do you have any names?

There are so many! Please read Kay Redfield Jamison's Touched with Fire. It's an amazing book.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 11:15 AM
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If that will help you get them out of your system.....
Every artistic person draws inspiration from their inner life. Even when they go through depressive, dark periods of life.

Mary Shelley had a nightmare, and her novel Frankenstein was born. If you've read it, it's very gory. She was a teenager when she wrote Frankenstein.

Some of my favorite writers were drug addicts or alcoholics or had criminal records. Some came from a background of abuse and homelessness.

I would say, you should reframe your "demons" as "artistic inspiration." And paint the heck out of a canvas.

There is no such thing as a "standard" answer when it comes to artistic creation. Sure, there are art schools that teach students technique and art history.

No one can "teach" artistic talent or inspiration, and it sounds like you have both of those in spades, pliepla. Instead of being "afraid" if your artistic inspiration, embrace it. Paint it. See how you feel afterwards.

It may be very healing for you to express what you see on to a canvas. That's what all artists and writers do.
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Unhappy Jul 24, 2020 at 11:19 AM
  #14
Actually lately I've been feeling like doing charcoal drawings of how I've been feeling tho I'm afraid the images will be "Dark" ....maybe I'm afraid of how I've been feeling with so much suffering and death everyday as I can hardly sleep anymore. I stay home alone all the time . . I'm not in a crisis cause PC helps me connect with people ,with friends .. who understand ....
I cry every night cause it's almost like I can feel all the suffering in the world ...I feel guilty if I try to watch a comedy .....
The past 15 years I e been so we'll except for a relapse in 2013.. but my art is mostly uplifting about nature and Christmas . In my teens and twenties when I just did pencil drawings ..times I was feeling the way I do now I would draw these dark and disturbing pictures of graveyards and death ... I'd keep them for a time and tear them up and throw them away
I'm actually afraid to do any art now for fear of what images I will create ....
I don't know if any of this makes sense ..I hope it was ok to write what I wrote .. I'm just not sure if I should pick up a pencil or brush or charcoal or not these days ....
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