Advice for a friend

Hey everyone, I have a friend who needs some advice. We will call this person "SWIM" (short for Someone Who Isn't Me).

SWIM has kind of had it rough the last while, maybe 3 years or so overall, but especially since the beginning of the year, not counting COVID. He/she had to make a career change after the job and industry he/she worked in all his/her life finally caught up to him/her and has really affected SWIM's confidence. SWIM has tried to find meaningful work, but to no avail. He/she tried to work in a hospital, but only lasted a couple of months, and has been cleaning cars part time (20 hours per week). SWIM knows that he/she should be happy that he/she is working but is tired of settling for less.

Last year, SWIM applied for and got funding through a program called Second Career, which lets people go back to school to learn a new skill. In the Fall, and at the beginning of the third of four semester, SWIM's wisdom teeth came in and he/she had to take a leave of absence. When the new year came around, he started the third semester over again. Then, a month or so later, one of SWIM's good friends died suddenly after he/she found her unconscious on the floor. SWIM then took two or three weeks off from school to deal with what had happened. He/she then met with a study specialist from the school he/she was attending to try to catch up. Since mid-terms were coming up and SWIM wasn't exactly 100%, both he/she and the study specialist decided it would be best to restart the semester, again. SWIM then contacted his/her training consultant at Second Career about the predicament. The training consultant said to SWIM that because he/she was starting over a second straight time, they closed his/her file, effectively ending funding for school. He/she then had to contact the school and withdraw. After some teeth pulling with administration, he/she managed to withdraw without any penalties, including getting Second Career their tuition returned. SWIM was told he/she could reapply, but after having been dealt this huge blow (which included a bug in the system at Second Career which wouldn’t close his/her file and kept getting letters and nasty phone calls saying he/she owed money) but he/she has lost all passion for completing this course and the whole situation has left a bad taste in his/her mouth.

Since April, SWIM has been seeing a job coach at Employment Ontario to see where to go from here. He/she has taken all kinds of career quizzes, attended workshops, and applied for jobs he/she might be interested in, but no luck. He/she has also been trying to get a small business off the ground as well. He/she has met with people from Invest Ottawa, but still isn’t sure where to start or where to go. Some days SWIM feels like he/she can do it, but some days, SWIM feels like he/she wants to go in a different direction.

SWIM also isn’t sure if he/she should move to another city. Everyday, SWIM sees things that remind him/her of the past, such as having to walk by the place where his/her friend died and various other reminders of his/her past failures. When SWIM went on holidays, most, if not all, of the stress, anger, bitterness, sadness that was felt seemed to disappear when he/she made it to the city and the hotel. It was almost like a clean slate and not having to worry about dealing with his/her demons. As soon as SWIM got back home, he/she started feeling it all over again.

As you can see, SWIM has had horrible luck and everything that could’ve possibly gone wrong, did. SWIM has been dealt blow after blow to the point where he/she wants to throw up his/her hands and give up but knows deep down inside that is not really an option. He/she also has a hard time trusting anyone or any situation and feels the world is out to get him/her. SWIM doesn’t really know what he/she wants anymore. The last while, SWIM has been trying to practice self care by going on a brief trip, playing on his/her new PlayStation 4, or anything else that he/she enjoys. The problem is, SWIM doesn’t really know what to do next. He/she has asked friends and family and has been told, for the most part, to do something that he/she will love. The thing that is stopping SWIM from doing that is his/her constant fear of catastrophic failure, and all of the past issues he/she has dealt with are still fresh in his/her mind and is scared to go after what he/she wants, whatever that may be. SWIM always feels like he/she is always working without a safety net and any mistake will automatically blow up in his/her face, as evidenced by his/her track record.

The question is, what does SWIM do next? Does he/she try to get the business off the ground, or does he/she look for a full time job first which suits his interests and skills (whatever they may be) to build a cushion of some sort? Since SWIM is sick and tired of the city that he/she lives in, should he/she think about relocating? If so, how will SWIM look for a job or a place to live? Should SWIM give school another shot? It’s just hard to move on when he/she lives in the same house, in the same city, dealing with the same people. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.

SWIM thanks you for taking the time to read this and would appreciate any feedback.