I feel hopeless

So I am 19 and just started college for a double major in Psychology and Criminal Justice. I want to be a victim advocate.

However my brain is really messed up... I was diagnosed as having early stages of schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and paranoia. I am on Abilify which helps a lot for me. I don't see things or hear as much as when I had my mental breaks which were bad and caused me to end up in mental hospitals. The last one was a year from today.

If you looked at me you'd think I'd be doing great in my life. I have my own apartment should be getting a car next month and I'm studying in college. But there are times like today where I can't really be happy. Because I just feel like I'm never living to my expectations. Where I want to be is not where I am. I want to be at peace with where I am. I want to be happy and I wish life wasn't so hard.

But I'm still depressed. There's a part of me that I think will never truly get over my depression. A part of me that will always carry that dark side of my mind. A part of me that will always mess up. But I guess I can always work on myself some more and more each day. And maybe slowly I won't feel as hopeless but more accomplished.

I'm not a mental health expert at all, but I might be inclined to seek some kind of ongoing counseling, a talk therapy perhaps, so that alongside the goals you're aiming for, you can also have the therapy to help you understand and cope better with your mental health. Yes, I think the mental health support is what you need, friend.