Is there something really wrong with me or am I just a screw up?

It's been years since I last took any medication and I have not been in therapy in a long time. Sometime, I feel like, I don't really need it and I'm ok. Other times, I just feel so useless. The thing is, I don't even know if I should seek help again, since I guess I'm not even sick really, I might be just generally screwed up.

I have a pretty addictive nature, meaning that I usually get from one addiction/obsession to the other. Right now, I definitely feel like I'm pretty much abusing social media. I just like the attention and instant feedback that they bring. I've tried to quit it, but honestly, I don't know how. I usually don't check them during work but as soon as I get home, I can spend hours browsing my feeds neglecting taking care of the household, pushing my second job aside and my hobbies as well.
I'm such an ambitious person and so many people believe in me and give me incredible opportunities in life and I just waste them. I feel really guilty about it, but I don't know how to change it. I have a great job and I feel grateful for it, but I'm also ambitious in other fields of my life and yet, I seem unable to pursue them, even when I get extreme support from other professionals, my family and friends.

When I don't spend too much of my free time on social media, I excessively daydream. Last Monday I caught myself staring at a wall, creating the most perfect love story in my mind for the past 6 hours. 6 hours listening to the same song over and over again, because it gave me the right feeling to get my creative daydream juices flowing. And then it was just time for me to go to sleep with my house being in a total mess and my dog bored to death.

I have an incredibly creative job and I view myself as a really creative person and my second job is really artistic and allows me all the daydream in the world, but it also requires real work and I'm just unable to do it. I get bored really quickly and then the whole world starts to bore me to death.

I have to deal with this feeling of boredom somehow and since the real world doesn't give me the high I need to feel when something new and exciting comes up, I just create it all in my mind. I could spend my whole life staring at a wall and imagining exciting stories. It gives me the chills, the cries, the feels that I could never feel in reality. The other funny thing is that, I only read books sometimes. I can't focus. My attention is awful. I jump from one thing to the other. The only thing I can really focus on is the daydream.

When I start a new project, get a new job, begin a new hobby, I usually feel extremely excited about it. It can throw me to incredible highs, feeling like I can own and shake the whole world but as soon as it becomes a stereotype or just something I have to do, I drop it. I can't do it.

I have a really high IQ but I used to get awful grades at school, 'cause I couldn't focus and I was always just stuck in my own imagination. Now I'm 27 and I deal with the same things over and over again. I'm pissed at myself, 'cause I've been proven that when I really work and try while I experience that exciting novelty high, I can become really one of the best in all the fields that I wish to pursue. Yet, when the high's over and it's all old and grey, I just can't work.

It's not just daydreaming and social media that give me the high. It's also alcohol. I wouldn't say that I'm an alcoholic, but I definitely drink more than I should and I drink, so I wouldn't feel bored by the ordinary.
The other thing that is probably a little weird and I feel guilty about is that I've been in an extremely happy relationship for the past four years with a guy that is heels over head about me and I just feel so bored by him, I keep on having random crushes on other guys and keep on fantasizing about cheating, although I've never done it.

When there's no more high for me to pursue in real life or the fantasies and trust me, it really does happen, I just fall right into an incredibly self hating pit of suicidal depression and ruin everything. And I'm feeling like it's close and I might be falling soon again, 'cause I'm starting to hate myself for wasting my potential and not valuing all the incredible love and support that I had been given.
When I'm depressed, there's no more high. There's just more alcohol and thoughts about the best way of killing myself.

Somehow, in my mind, I connected success and hard work with being good looking and thin, so I also obsess over my looks and weight. Like I haven't eaten a real dinner in years and I keep my weight really low, so I could feel like I'm winning over others at least at something.

I have issue with connecting to people. I mean, I have friends and meet with people all the time and I have a job that forces me to talk to a lot of strangers every day, but I don't really feel connected to any of them. All I see are their faults and how they're so different than me and I can't ever be like them and I don't want to be like them. So I also feel chronically lonely mixed with a bitter sweet feeling of superiority and cynicism towards most.

You don’t sound like there’s ‘something really wrong with you’ or ‘you are just a screw up’. You sound too hard on yourself and coping in an unhealthy way, which you can improve and feel better about things more. I know it’s easy to say and not easy to do. Maybe it’ll be good to see a therapist again.

Almost sounds like you could have bipolar or ADD. Have you been tested for anything like that? I don't believe you are screwed up. There is medication and counseling and other stuff like meditation that can help with stuff like that. If you have something like bipolar, medication would make a world of difference.