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Old 09-11-2020, 03:22 AM   #1
teenagemutant
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Default Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

Hello, this is my second thread so far, Iím new to this site and still navigating it...
As said before in my previous thread, I am not clinically diagnosed with OCD or depression, but I have shown symptoms of them from an early age, and Iíve struggled with both heavily the past 6-7 years.
It is currently 4am where I am, (I know this will take a while to post, but this is the time Iím writing this) and Iím not really sure what Iím trying to achieve by posting this but I just need something to pour my problems and late night thoughts into.
So without further ado... the past month or so I have struggled with sleeping at a decent time. I bought melatonin and it worked well the first few nights, but I have been taking it the past 2-3 weeks or so and Iíve still been able to stay awake all night long... Not really sure what that means but my sleep scheduleís been off for months now and I fall into the same cycle every night of telling myself ďyou GOTTA go to bed at 10...Ē and then time goes by and suddenly itís 11, and then itís the same thing again and again until fate decides whether I sleep or not.
Now that thatís out of the way, my second thing is that I am TERRIFIED of the future...... not trying to make ďoldĒ people feel bad but I am currently 18 years old and the thought of being 35-40 years old really scares me.... I just feel like any and all of my youthfulness will be gone and Iíll have nothing left to live for except for retirement and possibly grandkids if I decide to have children... But even then I donít want to imagine myself being ďoldĒ , I just want to be young forever and I seriously would rather die before I could even be truly old...
Alright I have one more thing but itís a good thing! Yay!! So I have recently fell in LOVE with a band... itís just something about their music that makes my life a tad bit brighter. When I listen to music, I like to listen to the entire album in order. Iíve always known about this band and one day I just decided to listen to one of their songs and see what the hype was all about... that was as least 2 1/2 months ago and I donít think Iíve stopped listening to them on repeat since.
Okay, okay, okay, I think Iím finally done rambling on and on about some of the silly thoughts that plague my mind every day....

Until next time...
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Old 09-11-2020, 10:34 AM   #2
Open Eyes
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Default Re: Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

Well, first of all you are only just 18 years old and your horomones are really taking over where you are becoming more of an adult. It sounds like you are dealing with anxiety which is normal for your age. Some of the vultures on the headboard feelings are basically fear and not knowing what you want to be in your life too.

Do you plan on going to college?
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Old 09-11-2020, 01:47 PM   #3
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Default Re: Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

Addressing your 3 issues:

Not being able to sleep happens to me when I have a lot on my mind. For awhile my subconscious kept me awake because it didn't like the dreams I had when I fell asleep & I had to be TOTALLY exhausted befire I could sleep. That is over, but I still sleep best when totally exhausted. This is easy to have happen since I own a little farm & just get physically exhausted by the time night hits. Honestly, good physical work/workout during the day works just as well as melatonin.

Yep, I used to feel that way about getting old. All the older people around me acted & thought REALLY OLD & I wanted to be nothing like them. Ok.....I made decisions & choices throughout my life that kept me frkm ending up like them. I chose college & a career (computer engineering). The guys I worked with played racquetball at lunch every day. I played racquetball with them which kept me in good shape through my 40's. I did downhill & x-country skiing in the winter until in my 50's & dressage horse back riding. All these kept my mind & body active. Then I finally left my bad marriage & bought my little farm across the country where I knew no one & got to start life all over. Maintaining my farm, the house & equipment myself, I had to learn lots of new skills which kept my mind & body active. I still ride horses. For years when I first moved here we went trail riding on farms at least 3 days a week. Lol.....I am still (at age 67) skilled in climbing fences, moving around 50 lb bags of horse feed & large bales of hay. Seriously, I am in just as good of shape & stronger than I was when I was younger. I have had major injuries I have healed from & kept going (ACL knee reconstruction, fractured hip, neck fusion, & a compression fracture of my back). The secret of staying young mentally & physically is to keep your mind learning new things constantly & to stay in shape physically. I remember when I was young, my mom said people stop learning at a certain age. She was WRONG as she was about many things. Today I feel cheated if I don't learn something new daily. That is how we stay young into our older years. NEVER STOP LIVING & enjoying the life around you.

Your third thing is what I was talking about under #2.....enjoying life around you. My life is filled with wonderful things (& I live alone) I have wild raccoons with their babies that come begging for food. Watching the bugs, butterflies/moths & birds that frequent around my house & sing to me. Exploring around my woods & honestly, just mowing the acres of grass I maintain on my farm & at the farm where I keep my horse is enjoyable because it gives me time to relax cause I can't do anything else while doing it & the end result is so satisfying to look at. Look at things around you with fascination & excitement rather than with a CRITICAL eye & find the beauty & joy in the things you see.

All this is getting me through what I see in the world because my little world around me is beautiful & peaceful. I pay attention to everything in the world out there but my own little world is my retreat where I can regenerate myself. There are stressful things that happen around me but I have learned the skills needed for me to stay in control while working with or around them. All things we learn with age that really help us grow THROUGH the ages rather than just get old.
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Old 09-13-2020, 10:38 PM   #4
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Default Re: Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Well, first of all you are only just 18 years old and your horomones are really taking over where you are becoming more of an adult. It sounds like you are dealing with anxiety which is normal for your age. Some of the vultures on the headboard feelings are basically fear and not knowing what you want to be in your life too.

Do you plan on going to college?
As of right now, no, I do not plan on going to school. My main focus is moving out of my parents house because I'm not able to be my true self and I feel like getting away will help put me in a better place, mentally and physically.
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Old 09-14-2020, 02:30 AM   #5
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Default Re: Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

Darling...everyone has a touch of that in their younger years. And 35-40 isn't old, you will see when you get there. I used to obsess over being fat. Up until age 42, I as taken for MUCH younger. Then, my hips went bad and I had my first replacement at age 46. I gained 50 lbs because I could no longer do hours of exercise. It is ok. I am now 55. I no longer care what I look like, and neither will you, and it will be very liberating. I enjoy my leisure time and am actually, much happier and a bit more pleasant to be around, and I am enjoying my ice cream.
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Old 09-16-2020, 12:00 AM   #6
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Default Re: Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

For your insomnia:

Use black out curtains. Or, put dark cloth over your windows to block out the light. It works!!

For your angst, ennui (i.e. "boredom"), or Weltschmerz (i.e. "world pain:"):

How to Tell Whether You've Got Angst, Ennui, or Weltschmerz | Mental Floss.

You could be suffering from existential dread because you are 18 and completely dissatisfied with your life (totally normal). You could be suffering from a feeling of ennui, or feeling of emptiness about your life.

You could be suffering from "world pain" which is your emotional response to your current circumstances in your world i.e., you live at home and feel restricted and constricted by your parents. Which is why you want to move out.

Basically, your insomnia is a side effect of all the angst, ennui, and emotional turmoil you're experiencing as an 18 year old. Pretty common for that age, b/c you are transitioning from young adulthood to adulthood and so it's a sort of philosophical growing pain that you're going through.

You haven't finished creating your core identity yet; you haven't established yourself in the world yet as a fully developed adult. So, you are having trouble sleeping, turning off your mind.

First thing, address your inner thoughts with some kind of therapeutic tool. Could be writing/typing a blog or a journal (private or public). Could be through physical exercise/activity like sports or running or swimming etc. Create a routine for yourself.

Routine is everything. It will help you stay focused. Set goals for yourself -- realistic goals and try to achieve them in SMALL steps that are realistic for you based on what resources you have at your disposal (a job, a place to live, a savings/checking account).

And read some philosophy and some meditation articles or books. That will help you a lot. Being young is hard esp. with this pandemic going on.

When I was your age, there was no pandemic. There was just 1980s music and pop culture and acne and peer pressure and high school. Give yourself some credit, ok?
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Old Today, 09:45 AM   #7
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Default Re: Never-Ending Feeling of Impending Doom...

How many mg of melatonin are you taking?
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