feeling unstable, unsure about maybe diagnosis

I don't know what to do about myself these days.Had about a week of waaay too much energy, which was nice bc I had a lot of stuff to do and was able to channel my energy in a kind of productive way.


Normally when I'm like this, I try not to do too much, force myself to also rest and say no to every new project.

This time I didn't and immediately regretted it afterwards, when I hit a bad depression point where I was nearly unable to function


Now my dark days are over for now (I don't feel like physically dying anymore, so yay). Instead I feel bad, but also have restless energy and I don't know what's worse. I rushed across the city several times today to get some second hand items, bc I really needed to leave the house while also having small panic attacks being outside.


I don't know if I'm allowed to call myself bipolar or if it's all just anxiety/depression and cptsd.

I never had a "real diagnosis" for being bipolar, just some statements of my last T saying I am, and her monitoring my mood and checking in etc.

But she never gave me an official diagnosis on it in written form (while depression and cptsd are on my record), and despite saying so multiple times in the first year, she then continued to never use that term again and only asked for my ups and downs and how I managed them etc.

She's also not a friend of medication, so I never got them and all my small attempts of bringing it up didn't help anything.

In our last session though, she agreed that I should go see a neurologist for "emergency medication", since I'm managing, but it's just so damn hard to do it without and sometimes it's just too much.

Now I moved and so my therapy stopped and the longer I live here, the less stable I feel.

Sorry, I think I just needed to vent.

I don't know what I am and I feel like while I did get really good help for my trauma, it's just not enough.
Having these ups and downs and dealing with them for over 15 years (okay, maybe 3 of them kind of successfully) without medication made me think I had it under control, but maybe I don't.

Good to hear you venting. Do you want us to comment on anything?

Why is she against medication?

Thank you
I'd be happy if you'd share your thoughts with me

I honestly don't know? She said she sees medication as something you take to get yourself good enough back on track for therapy. She seems to think that therapy is the only long term solution and medication is only a tool to get you into it.
Don't get me wrong, I like her very much. She is really great in treating trauma related stuff.

But I also left her with confusion about myself.

Yikes. A therapist who doesn't support the use of medication is, to put it bluntly, ignorant.

Mental illness is a disorder of the brain. We know that now, science knows that now, and anyone who doesn't accept that reality needs to update her education.

You need to see a psychiatrist for a proper evaluation. Maybe you need meds and maybe you do not; either way, the best action you can take in order to learn of your diagnosis and work with it is by seeing a psychiatrist.

[What Beth said. You need to see acompetent psychiatrist and have a full evaluation. Bipolar disorder is notoriously crafty, sneaky, and difficult to diagnose. Cane be confused with PTSD as well as other stuff.

See the best psychiatrist you can find. They are not all equally talented

Hugs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pflaumenkeks I honestly don't know? She said she sees medication as something you take to get yourself good enough back on track for therapy. She seems to think that therapy is the only long term solution and medication is only a tool to get you into it. Don't get me wrong, I like her very much. She is really great in treating trauma related stuff. But I also left her with confusion about myself.

Well also to be blunt like Beth... she sounds like an asshole. I don’t mean to be like that but she is advocating against science. There is scientific evidence that mental illnesses have a genetic basis and a first line treatment is medication. Medication and therapy are ideal but then there are also people who have been traumatized by therapists so what about them? I don’t think they are hopeless just because they take medication and don’t do therapy.

I agree with the others. Get a thorough evaluation by a legitimate doctor and have someone who knows their stuff decide this decision for you. If it is indeed bipolar, meds could be incredibly helpful.