Why am I constantly a target for bullies, abusers and the like?

I am floored.

Wherever I go, and it almost doesn't matter, but I am a target for bullies and abusers. And I just don't get it anymore.

I just got bullied yet again on a forum. I have been bullied on multiple forums at this stage. I am not talking about PC. I am talking about other places online with far less moderation.

I have been bullied at work. I have been bullied and abused in relationships.

I feel like I have a HUGE neon blinking sign that says "bully me!"

I don't understand WHY it keeps happening over and over and over again.

I am confident, or I walk with strong confidence. I carry myself very well. I speak confidently and am not shy. I socialize and am very sociable, outgoing and affable. Most people who meet me IRL like me. I am told I am very easy going, easy to talk to, and very sweet.

Online? I don't know how I come across. I know I am direct and very honest, including being blunt, but I try to also be compassionate and understanding.

I just don't understand why this keeps happening - online and offline. It doesn't matter.

In terms of cyberbullying:

I've been a member of numerous forums online, and never in my entire life have I experienced MORE bullying than I have online.

The majority of the forums I've joined have been mental health community and peer support forums. And again, I am not talking about PC.

I had one site owner on another mental health forum accuse ME of being the abuser in my marriage, when I have been the one being abused. I had only spoken of my woes and the issues that I was experiencing with my husband. She came on my thread, and turned everything around on me, accusing me of all sorts of things. When I complained to the site admin area, she came on there and started to bash me even further. I couldn't believe it. So I told her how wrong she was, I said I felt bullied by her, and she then banned me. Talk about cyberbullying!

I've experienced far too many people online who love to antagonize, bully and argue.

I have concluded that people who cyberbully and who bully in general are insecure weak cowards, hiding behind their computers or desks sending venomous arrows and darts at innocent, unsuspecting victims.

Bullies are full of self hatred, self loathing, anger and rage, and they aim to bring down anyone they are envious of and anyone who disagrees with them, angers them or spites them.

I am sickened by it and I am just plain sick of it altogether.

Grow up, I say to those bullies. Grow up and be civil to one another. Respect and human decency towards others are basic tenants of humanity.

I certainly cannot represent anyone but myself. You've asked, so I'll tell you that to me some of your posts come across as angry to the point of hostility, even demanding and manipulative. For example, posting that you're angry that no one is answering your posts, so you'll leave the forum. It doesn't make me feel like bullying or abusing you...that's not my style, but it does annoy me and makes me feel like avoiding you.


For people who are abusive they might not know how to express how they feel inside, so they just act out. Maybe.

I wrote that maybe ONCE or TWICE in the last three years that I have been a member on here, Beth. That is not my overall way of being. I also explained myself very fully in my other thread, and explained that I am in great need of support and am very depressed lately. Hence why I got impatient. I also never said I was leaving, but I said I would take a break.

But since you put it in such a mean way and judged me over two such posts recently, fine, I will leave the forum. You have made me feel MOST unwelcome.

deleted.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I've been bullied online, places other than pc. It stinks. I think in sites that are less well moderated there are a lot of ''trolls''... some of them get away with OTT and even cruel antics (over years) and some are even favourites of the site mods.

I wonder if some of your posts do come across as hostile when that isn't your intention. A few people have disliked my bear pictures (the grrr bear ) No hostility to any online person was ever intended by me. (Maybe like me, you have had a lot of abusers in your early life )

I think you offer a lot of positive input here. I don't read as many posts on pc as I used to but I hope you keep posting.

Love and hugs

Thanks, Fuzzy.

But even if I come across as hostile, I still don't deserve disrespect. And I doubt that I come across as hostile, because anyone who has known my posts over the last three years knows that I care and that my compassion and caring comes across.

It doesn't even matter. That poster made me feel really unwelcome.

I may ask admin to close this thread.

All I’ll say is it can be difficult to read tone in text. Not aimed at anyone here, but I have read posts elsewhere (different forums) I felt were aggressive in tone, but others didn’t question or react to in the same way I might have if I’d responded.
I’m very sorry to hear you’ve been bullied online, in any case. The internet is, unfortunately, a good place to spout vitriol at others if you’re so inclined because of the anonymity it offers. Even better if you’re in a clique, as you’ve found! As to why you find yourself a target so often, I can’t say for sure. I’ve been a target in real life even though I’ve always tried to keep my head down and not go out of my way to offend others - so, I do get what you’re talking about, even if I don’t understand why, either.

Aw, of course those people matter, Fuzzy! Of course. And I care about many people here.

I make a couple of posts that expressed my frustration (and hurt), and I get dragged over the coals for them and it turns into an overgeneralization that I am angry and hostile in all my posts?

That is SO erroneous!!!

I've been a member here for a long time now. And I'd like to think that I've generally been helpful and kind, because that has been my aim. I try to be as kind as possible to everyone I meet on here. I cannot imagine that I come across an angry and hostile in every single reply, except for perhaps a few times.

So I am MOST offended by the above comments and post.

But of course, all others DO matter and I value all those who have been kind to me in return -- very much so.

Thank you, @RoxanneToto. I appreciate your kind reply and thoughts.

I had someone seriously go after me recently on another forum. She attacked me and insulted me, then accused ME of verbal abuse. The forum admin said she is from another country and excused her behavior by saying it's a "cultural barrier" issue. That's unacceptable to me. I felt bullied by her and beaten up simply because we had a difference in viewpoints.

And yes, I feel that many feel they can be more bold online than in person. In person, it can be just as bad though.

Bullying can have catastrophic effects on someone. It's a serious matter.

I'm very sorry you've experiences it IRL. I can empathize. It's not fun and it takes a toll.

One fairly sure-fire way to take the wind out of a bully's sails is to simply not react which is particularly easy to do online (less easy or effective with in-person bullying). Online bullies live for the reaction, the defensive response. If you don't react, they've lost their audience and will move one to find someone who will excite them with a defensive response. You do tend to respond and defend rather than ignore, and that may be why, online at least, it becomes a problem for you.

If a forum is moderated, you can choose to not respond to the "bully" directly, but rather, bring the post to the attention of the moderator to handle.

You make a great point! And I do tend to respond. I feel the need to stand up for myself, so I respond. Perhaps ignoring really IS the best way to go. I need to think on this more, but I think you've made such a valid point.

I teach teenagers, and I learned years ago that some of them just love to push buttons to see if they can get a rise out of their teachers. Teachers who know how to actively ignore those kinds of button-pushers, have very few behavioral problems in class - we're just not fun. LOL! Teachers who react are constantly dealing with those same kids. They want an audience, and if they can get us to react--they've won. Online bullies are pretty much on that level.

Good post

Wow -- very interesting.

Well, I would certainly equate all bullies to being infantile and very child-like. It's really immature behavior. And not very enlightened behavior either. They will fall by the wayside, when it comes to spiritual ascension. But that's a different topic.

A part of me - my more mature side - knows that I am far beyond this, and that I do not need to engage.

And then my more immature, less developed side wants to engage and stand up to them.

This thread is being closed for administrative review.