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Confused Oct 17, 2020 at 02:47 PM
  #1
My mind feels like chaos right now, ok now that you are reading this part not anymore. Maybe I have clutter to get off my mind but I feel the need to ask a few questions. If I am often misunderstood in verbal conversation and text conversation just less, given time to write my mind I can sometimes be clear, or maybe I am too clear, I have no idea where I am on a scale of understandability but I usually understand myself fine. I don't think about what I say before I say it even though I believe all I do is think of things, just quietly in my mind. Subconsciously, regardless if I am mostly misunderstood could this be my fault? Perhaps I am not talking to people that care about me? Their replies seem to show that they have not listened, it would either be something semi relevant not to the topic but the words I have used, or a half effort acknowledgement phrase like "yeah, okay" or "That's cool, **** yeah" regardless if I have sent a three word message or a 500 word message. Perhaps I am overwhelming, but overwhelming with no real purposeful information so nobody really cares? Why would I care about these thoughts and ideas if nobody else does? I have all ready answered all of my own questions but I refuse to let myself delete all of this text because nothing has helped me so far so I must be going about obtaining my information incorrectly(self absorbed). I am very nice and try my hardest to be understanding regardless of my tendencies to keep talking or cut people off due to my excitement to say what I know about what they have to say and I don't intend to. I fully understand as a being on earth I know miniscule amounts compared to the vast majority of information I could know.
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Default Oct 18, 2020 at 06:59 AM
  #2
Hi, this makes perfect sense to me. I get that you're wanting to make a connection, but essentially you're venting thoughts, which is likely to be overwhelming, and could well make you seem self absorbed.

To me (and sorry if this is a harsh thing to say but...) it makes you seem like you're faking, and (not intentionally) hiding your real self. Is there something that all this excitement is distracting you from?...that is how it seems to me...like underneath all the information and Q&As there might be some truth personal to yourself that is really difficult to share.

Looking at your post about work, it's clear that you're concerned with success, and not sure what success would look like for you...I just think that might be a relevant issue, and a good question to ask yourself.

I've only been able to focus, and work happily since I've stop trying to prove myself, and actually made some personal goals. I've used these websites...

Understand Myself - What You Need to Know

Self Authoring - What is Self Authoring?

...and that has given me a better understanding of myself. Also...

Free I Ching reading | I Ching with Clarity

...this is free to use, and if you keep using it, and writing down your results and answers to the questions, I would bet good money that it would bring you some clarity.

I'll try and reply to your posts, as I think it is interesting (what you're sharing)

K
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Default Oct 18, 2020 at 10:11 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by KBMK View Post
Hi, this makes perfect sense to me. I get that you're wanting to make a connection, but essentially you're venting thoughts, which is likely to be overwhelming, and could well make you seem self absorbed.
To me (and sorry if this is a harsh thing to say but...) it makes you seem like you're faking, and (not intentionally) hiding your real self. Is there something that all this excitement is distracting you from?...that is how it seems to me...like underneath all the information and Q&As there might be some truth personal to yourself that is really difficult to share.
Looking at your post about work, it's clear that you're concerned with success, and not sure what success would look like for you...I just think that might be a relevant issue, and a good question to ask yourself.
I've only been able to focus, and work happily since I've stop trying to prove myself, and actually made some personal goals. I've used these websites...
..this is free to use, and if you keep using it, and writing down your results and answers to the questions, I would bet good money that it would bring you some clarity.
I'll try and reply to your posts, as I think it is interesting (what you're sharing)

K
in the name of improvement I wouldn't see it as harsh, just direct, Hi I think it is interesting to hear, if I am faking who I am and the real me is better than the fake me I would like to be the real me, could you maybe explain what you mean by not intentionally being the real me? And I am not too sure what self absorbed really means but taking the two words I can say most of my thought is about myself and my current state because I don't have a lot of outside influence of what to think about, besides my hobbies and what I see in the world which I would rather not. My idea of success is not having to worry about anything bad and being able to help myself and others freely. I will click on those links and read what is in them. Thank you, I am looking forward to hearing from you.
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Default Oct 18, 2020 at 01:05 PM
  #4
That's nice to hear. What I mean by unintentionally hiding your real self....is...well, firstly you seem very concerned, worried and confused about behaving correctly. That gives me the impression that at some point you have been made to distrust your own sense of how best to behave. It gives me the impression that you have had, at one point, a clearer sense of purpose, but things/people have stood in your way, and confused that sense purpose, so now you've got to find it again.

I think your idea of success is very noble, and if you can get a good idea of your strengths, and figure out where your heart lies, then you'll really be onto something.

What's your situation like? Are you having any kind of therapy?
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Default Oct 18, 2020 at 01:30 PM
  #5
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That's nice to hear.
What's your situation like? Are you having any kind of therapy?
I am a weirdo and people make fun of the way I act so I try to hide with perfection witch I understandably can not reach nor get remotely close to and compensate with obsessive behavior towards the task at hand. And I appreciate you believing my idea of success is Nobel but allow me to return the favor and say you actively replying is truly kind work and you are being understanding even though I have displayed negative social traits. Thank you once again.
I do not and never have had therapy but I just got my medical insurance and upon my cards arrival plan to get evaluated and given therapy or medication or simply the right direction to follow. I did spend three days in a acute treatment center where I talked to a therapist for about 15 minutes total in my time being there which ultimately made me seek out my flaws in a realistic and understandable way on my own which I don't think that is the right thing to do which is why I have refrained from self-diagnoses. I keep my work separate from the professionals.
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Default Oct 18, 2020 at 03:18 PM
  #6
Hi

I am not sure what I have to say in response to this. Thanks for sharing! I might have time to get back to this later today. My mail box is full (with ''urgent'' mail) or I would say more. Take care and welcome

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Default Oct 18, 2020 at 03:46 PM
  #7
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Hi
Thanks for sharing! Take care and welcome
Thank you, I appreciate the welcome.
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 08:04 AM
  #8
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I am a weirdo and people make fun of the way I act so I try to hide with perfection witch I understandably can not reach nor get remotely close to and compensate with obsessive behavior towards the task at hand. And I appreciate you believing my idea of success is Nobel but allow me to return the favor and say you actively replying is truly kind work and you are being understanding even though I have displayed negative social traits. Thank you once again.
I do not and never have had therapy but I just got my medical insurance and upon my cards arrival plan to get evaluated and given therapy or medication or simply the right direction to follow. I did spend three days in a acute treatment center where I talked to a therapist for about 15 minutes total in my time being there which ultimately made me seek out my flaws in a realistic and understandable way on my own which I don't think that is the right thing to do which is why I have refrained from self-diagnoses. I keep my work separate from the professionals.
These sound like some really challenging, and upsetting experiences. As for being a weirdo, well done for staying weird, and yeah, people make fun, I think usually because they're scared or threatened by things that challenge the social norms that make them feel safe. I know that it's hard to account for that, and not get defensive and take it personally.
What are the negative social traits that you display?...apart from neuroticism? It makes sense that you want to figure out how you're responsible for your suffering, and protect yourself from that, but not everyone will have similar goals or a similar world view to yourself. I know it hurts to have your ideas dismissed, but trying to prove yourself to people who really aren't too interested could (I think is likely to) actually create more of a divide. There are professionals out there (I am sure) who will take the time to understand and accept you, and really help you...whether you find someone like that, or not...hope so
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 09:34 AM
  #9
Challenges are a part of every day life and I try to engage in a few a day to stimulate mental growth. I believe it is good to be different or else the world has no chance of changing, humans are the rapid prototype creating difference faster than we can keep up with, of course a few models will be messed up or broken and for anyone to put someone down for having flaws is simply a mistake on their part and they would be better off understanding and learning from that person and their struggles instead of judging them. I am sorry, I thought self absorption was a negative trait and I was apologizing for my lack of thought towards others. And yes, I often find people do not share my interests specifically, or the intensity I put towards these topics, which is understandable people like thrills and being social, and maybe it is my fault for trying to preach to a lion, people have their ideas and their beliefs and can't help if they are not interested in what I find amusing or entertaining. I can tell my few friends have gotten very annoyed with me recently. But all I hear from them is how they want to be rich and they want to fulfill their dreams but they don't ever take action and ignore my attempts to assist them. I am nervous about talking to a medical professional but I did just get my insurance so I plan to soon. Any advice? Is it a possibility my intrusive thoughts will throw off my answers and cause me to get an incorrect diagnosis with the wrong medication that will cause permanent damage?
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 10:17 AM
  #10
Ah, I see. So it's commonly thought of, in psychology, that socially positive personality traits are openness, extraversion, agreeableness and conscientiousness; the negative ones are neuroticism, narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.

Self absorption, in your case, seems to me is due to neuroticism (negative thinking, basically)...less than any of the other negative traits. I wouldn't be surprised if this stems from having negative experience, and could be overcome.

We all need a little narcissism to survive, moreso as children, and hopefully it's something we can grow out of. You strike me as less than averagely narcissistic, which could well give you a blind spot when it comes to dealing with highly narcissistic people, who are likely to have next to no interest in yourself, other than how you can benefit them. Preaching to a lion is an excellent metaphor...it isn't too safe to be very open and vulnerable around people like that, and it's probably gonna make you guarded and anxious.

I don't think it's anyone's fault, but if you are able to make your own wellbeing your own responsibility, and figure out the areas you need help with, and ask as specifically as you can manage for the help that you need, then I think you'll have the best chance of improving your wellbeing.

I'm really not sure about permanent damage from medication. I have had good and bad experiences with medication, and I know that different meds affect people differently. Are you in the US? I'm not sure if you would be offered cognitive behavioural therapy or not, but imagine that would help your anxiety...as for an incorrect diagnosis...if you're going in asking for help due to intrusive thoughts, obsessions etc. then it really ought to be the case that you're offered things that are likely to help you. If you think that something else is going on, then it really is your choice whether or not to accept their advice
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 10:54 AM
  #11
Thank you for a brief overview on the positive and negative traits we can have. I actually had a falling out with a group of friends who thought I was a narcissist.
I think I better understand what you mean now by Self absorption being a product of negative experience. My only diagnoses was PTSD but this was after 5 minutes to 10 minutes with the psychiatrist and he seemed like he was just trying to get me going so he could go do other things(I also heard the staff refer to the patients as animals here)., I don't have flash backs or anxiety over past trauma. I have had issues since before anything bad could have even happened according to my mother who has had issues with her mental health. I try not to listen to her when it comes to my mental health because I have heard so many different things from her and I don't know what claims have backing and which ones don't, for instance she has told me things like I am Dyslexic, I have a learning disability, I'm on the spectrum, I am a sociopath, I am just lazy, or my favorite is when she would say I am not human, or question if I even felt emotions, which I think she got from how I would shut down when angry, I wouldn't show any emotions and have a hard time doing it anyways. Sometimes I would stop talking because I was angry at the world, it would last for weeks until I wasn't mad anymore, I don't however now don't get angry like that. I think bringing up my unhealthy relationship with my family is why I was diagnosed with PTSD in the first place. How can I ensure I get a proper sit down and talk with a professional?
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 11:21 AM
  #12
I'll try to reply more fully tomorrow, but must say this is brave for you to share, and it is not always obvious what can traumatise a small child/baby, and leave them stressed confused and lacking resilience. I think a move into trauma informed care is a really positive movement in psychology and psychiatry, and polyvagal theory explains a lot of my own experiences... Making a Nervous System "Menu" - a Tool for Your Clients - NICABM some good resources, I think
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 11:25 AM
  #13
I will read and listen to what Deb has to say in her informative video, thank you for being extremely helpful and talkative and I look forward to seeing a "full reply" from you.
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 11:27 AM
  #14
https://nicabm-stealthseminar.s3.ama...ation+Menu.pdf that makes more sense than the vid
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Default Oct 19, 2020 at 11:31 AM
  #15
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Is it some sort of healthy mental compensation system?
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 03:33 AM
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Is it some sort of healthy mental compensation system?
It's about regulating our nervous system. It's not so much about the mind, as about feelings and stress levels.
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 09:33 AM
  #17
Stress is a large issue in todays world I have heard, I hope more people can see the link you sent and start working on their own way of managing their feelings. I hope I have an easy time incorporating it as well. So many thoughts come and go I hope I can grab them and shove them into a category as I please, I'll make a sticky note to remind me to organize them as well.
is this something you have used?

Last edited by 128J; Oct 20, 2020 at 09:34 AM.. Reason: Forgot to ask
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 12:55 PM
  #18
Yes, it's helped me to learn how to manage my stress, and consider my feelings. It's something I struggle with a lot, and have had loads of help with, including alternative therapies and psychotherapy. A lot of my stress issues and confusion have come from the way I was treated by my mother, too, and though she is not around anymore I am still affected by the pain of her negative attitude towards me. I have mentioned in other posts how it is dysphoric to have core beliefs challenged, and it is often the case that our core beliefs about ourselves are very much formed by our familial relationships, especially our relationship with our mothers. It can be a long process to even begin to understand ourselves.
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 01:18 PM
  #19
I am sorry you still have lasting pain, most of my negative life experiences come from family, I don't really know what my core beliefs are so maybe at some point they were challenged and I lost my way. I am having a hard time connecting all of this, sorry if my message seems chaotic.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 12:48 PM
  #20
Always get it off your chest and do what you need to do to put yourself at ease. All the best.
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