Is this PTSD?

Hello!
So I don't know whether this is the right place to post this but, I don't even know what is happening with me.
What I am going to say might sound stupid or even risible, I will try to explain it as well as possible despite English not being my first language.
I have been raised in a very religious family and I am gay. About 6 months ago or so I became extremely distressed by the thought of possibly going to hell to the point where I lost all my hope for the future, my motivation, energy and even will to live. I was so deeply troubled that I wanted to die and regretted having been born. I would live in constant terror, even though sometimes during the day these thoughts would just cross my mind and make me feel anxious, in the nighttime I would have much more time to think and that is when my despair would take place. At that moment I would cry my heart out, feel like screaming and almost forget how to breathe. When I thought about my future, black images would pop into my mind. I am trying to be brief here but if I were to explain all my emotions I would start sobbing right away. Luckily, it didn't last long before someone helped me get back on track. Now I am ok. Thing is that I am often troubled by thoughts of my experience back then. I avoid churches, priests and even discussions about religion. They scare me. They make me cry. A few times per week I get reminded of what I experienced and can't help crying and getting tense and stressed. I can't even put into words how much emotional pain I had to get through. That feeling of despair....I just started crying. Needless to say, that was my most emotionally painful situation I have ever got into. Sometimes I tend to feel like my memory is getting more and more painful as time goes by.
I hope I have got my point across although my reasons for feeling what I am feeling don't seem valid...do you think I might be experiencing PTSD? Should I see a counselor?
Thank you in advance.

Dear iris2000,

I am so sorry you are suffering. I wish I knew what to say that would help ease the pain you are weighed down with. Sadly I am not very knowledgeable, experienced or wise but I have met many people here who seem blessed with those gifts and genuine insight, so I hope they see your post and respond to it.

Stress and distress can sometimes result in injury to the brain according to some research so perhaps a visit to a physician would be helpful to you. A licensed physician can diagnose PTSD and other illnesses, treat them or rule them out as causal or contributing factors. A good psychotherapist can also be helpful in many cases. Sometimes a good physician can help one to find a good psychotherapist.

Although my experience probably wouldn't be helpful to you in the least, I was raised to believe that God desires the salvation of every human being and that nothing is impossible for God. I was taught that this was the core teaching of Christianity to which everything else was based.

I realize that in your country there are hundreds of different Christian churches with different doctrines. I currently live in an American city where there are many, many Christian churches. I grew up far away in a place where Roman Catholicism was the dominant Christian religion but I wouldn't want to trespass on your beliefs or those of anyone else. I am no sage or authority on anything.

I fear that my comments will not be very helpful to you and fear they might even make you feel worse, which is the last thing I would want to happen. I like the medical axiom that states: First, do no harm. I hope I have not done any harm with my poor and fallible words and ideas. My hope is that others here can help you, really help you. You deserve relief from your suffering. If PTSD is behind it, I hope you will find treatments that will lead to the very best possible outcome. I do not see you as a bad person at all but as a very heroic one. I wish you only the very best here on the Forums and in your life journey. It is a great honor and pleasure to meet you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen PS: Your English is a lot better than mine!

Nobody here can diagnose you. We are not qualified. What you are going through will be caused by a few things. Most people here will recognize suffering.

I have been where you are and will leave out the details that you will be all too aware. I am sorry that you are in a whole world of pain that you are overwhelmed with it. You do need to see a professional counsellor. Your pain is real and not to be dismissed.

A professional will have more resources that are in your area.

((Hugs))

you are in my thoughts and i hope things get better for you

I'm thinking of you too and hoping things improve for you. Keep posting here if it helps! I also think that a professional counsellor would be helpful.

Welcome to PC iris2000!

The forums don't have the power to diagnose people, but even people who are not licensed therapists or counselors can start you down a healthier path. One of the tools you can use on PC as well as the forums is an online quiz to find the presence of symptoms related to conditions such as PTSD. Again it is not an official diagnosis but it can be a useful aid in allocating treatment, especially in your case where symptoms could also overlap with anxiety or depression.

Even when a diagnosis or quiz can further treatment, remember that you are not defined solely by a medical label. You know what you are? You are a person. With every person come strengths, weaknesses, and needs that are unique and deserve appreciation and respect. And this includes hardships like the one you are facing. As part of the human experience we also have unique life paths, but as for hardships, we all go through similar problems and challenges, so you are never alone in what you are facing. In fact your situation sounds very similar to what brought me here back in 2017.

I hope that you find the support that you need here, and I think you've come to the right forum. Happy posting!

You have to be proud of who you are despite what others think of you.