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Old 11-11-2020, 07:54 AM   #1
RoxanneToto
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Default Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

Has anyone else experienced similar? I realised recently that I have often mistaken a high level of anxiety (which often turns into a depression/anxiety cycle) for excitement associated with liking another person.
The anxiety levels can vary, and the depression follows almost like a “come down” from a high - you could describe it as mood swings in a way. When I’m in the depressed stage, I feel numb and it’s difficult to do stuff.

The depression doesn’t always happen. I’m usually OK when I know there’s no chance of anything happening between “us” (e.g. gay guy, relationship has to be kept professional, etc).
I’m not experiencing any of this right now, thankfully, but I’ve only ever come across maybe three other people, online and in real life, who have experienced similar symptoms - and that’s after several years of looking and asking specifically!

It would be great if anyone could offer some insight, or even just share similar experiences.
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Old 11-11-2020, 10:54 AM   #2
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

I experienced this recently in the workplace I was working in where I had/have crush on someone, because of the professional setting. For me I experienced anxiety when I dealt with the said person, but depression was the main theme because I knew nothing could happen, although I was not actively looking for anything, and it was sometimes difficult to do the job because of that feeling.
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Old 11-11-2020, 11:34 AM   #3
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

That sucks. Would be so much easier for everyone if we could switch the feelings off in those cases! I’m never actively looking, either. I hate how distracting the feelings are, even without my other issues.
I seem to lose (and gain back) feelings for guys for zero reason - which then of course compounds the anxiety 🙄 ugh!
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Old 11-20-2020, 06:42 AM   #4
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

Update - think I’ve figured out what might be going on here, with myself anyway.
My new T introduced the concept of ‘window of tolerance’ to me; I looked it up and found an illustration saying “children who have experienced trauma/loss swing from hyper-aroused to hypo-aroused with limited amounts of time within their window of tolerance”. So, I’m thinking this is a trauma response (old wounds) and the crushes are the stimulus, because I don’t normally get the more extreme ‘mood swings’ outside of feeling attracted to someone else. I do feel afraid of losing that person, unless I don’t actually want to/can’t date them, and then my moods are a lot more stable. I’ve experienced this since I was at least 15 years old.
Hyper aroused being the very anxious state, and hypo aroused being numb/depressed/emotional flatlining.
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Old 11-20-2020, 06:50 PM   #5
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

That sounds rough.
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Old 11-21-2020, 04:05 AM   #6
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

Thanks, downandlonely - it really can be, and I usually end up feeling exhausted when it’s happening. But finding what I did yesterday was a real lightbulb moment
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Old 11-21-2020, 12:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

Sending respect and hugs


Your T's description of the 'window of tolerance'' is interesting - children who have experienced trauma/loss

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Old 11-21-2020, 04:58 PM   #8
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post

The depression doesn’t always happen. I’m usually OK when I know there’s no chance of anything happening between “us” (e.g. gay guy, .
Hi Roxanne

What caught my eye in your Original Post is the part I'm quoting. About the "gay guy", how would you know that he's gay? Would you be told that he is or would you assume that he's gay because he seems it?

As for me, on this thread, I would go through depression when I have a crush on a woman because I would feel sure that she's happily taken, so there would be no chance for me. It happens almost all of the time to me.

Last edited by will19; 11-21-2020 at 08:02 PM..
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Old 11-21-2020, 07:01 PM   #9
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

Hi Will, the gay guy I mentioned was one of my colleagues at the time and he was open about it; I developed a sudden crush on him when we worked a night shift together once. I let it fade naturally and didn’t tell him anything about it. I’ve found other gay guys attractive as well, not to the same degree, but held back talking to them for a lot of reasons even before I found out they were gay (and then I let my attraction to them die, because I knew they wouldn’t be interested and I respected that). Those guys were work colleagues, too.
I’m sorry to read your experiences, though. That’s rough and I wish I knew a good solution for you!
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Old 11-21-2020, 09:16 PM   #10
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Default Re: Anxiety and depression when I have a crush on someone

I've had crushes on gay guys too. I scared one really badly. But after he came out to me, we became good friends.
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