Why is conflict so painful?

KBMK · Nov 26, 2020 at 11:49 AM

This article...

Effects of Conflict and Stress on Relationships

has helped me understand a bit better.

Key point:
"The key is to learn and continually hone your conflict resolution skills. Being able to recognize and identify your feelings and express them clearly, learning how to be an active listener, and practicing assertive communication are just a few skills that can help you handle relationship conflict in a healthy way."

I still feel that my pain is disproportionate to the level of conflict, but this article suggests that the longevity of the unresolved conflict is the issue. In my case this is sibling conflict, and I can imagine how it will resolve, which helps, but still is very painful and tiring

Yaowen · Nov 26, 2020 at 01:05 PM

Dear KBMK,

Thanks for sharing that. I am going to have a look at it. Sounds very interesting and helpful.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

*Beth* · Nov 26, 2020 at 01:42 PM

Good thread. It takes an immense amount of practice to disengage from heated conflict - especially if the other person is screaming at you and interrupting every time you try to speak. Conflict can so easily become a toxic mess.

Fuzzybear · Nov 26, 2020 at 03:57 PM

Thanks for sharing

Taylor27 · Nov 27, 2020 at 12:34 PM

Thank you for sharing hugs

Discombobulated · Nov 28, 2020 at 11:39 AM

Good article Thanks!

Prycejosh1987 · Nov 30, 2020 at 11:57 AM

I would agree with what the text says, always be open and honest with everyone around you. Then you will not need to pent up feelings or have inner anger.

KBMK · Nov 30, 2020 at 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

I would agree with what the text says, always be open and honest with everyone around you. Then you will not need to pent up feelings or have inner anger.

Ideally. That doesn't work in my situation, because I need cooperation to actually get a thing done, so having to be tactful and calmly set boundaries so I don't trigger stupid pointless rivalry. If I was honest about my feelings it would actually cost me. That's why the conflict is unresolved. Can look forward to it being resolved when we don't have shared property anymore! That is a day I am really excited for

and

bye for now (is what I'll be saying)

KBMK · Nov 30, 2020 at 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Good thread. It takes an immense amount of practice to disengage from heated conflict - especially if the other person is screaming at you and interrupting every time you try to speak. Conflict can so easily become a toxic mess.

It's hard to stay calm and walk away when it's heated and you're not being listened to. Sometimes the only resolution is to stay away.
It's hard being pushed away for making reasonable requests also. Have to be really mindful of everyone being responsible for their own actions

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Yaowen Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2020 Location: USA Posts: 3,618 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,475 hugs given	Nov 26, 2020 at 01:05 PM #2 Dear KBMK, Thanks for sharing that. I am going to have a look at it. Sounds very interesting and helpful. Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Nov 26, 2020 at 01:42 PM #3 Good thread. It takes an immense amount of practice to disengage from heated conflict - especially if the other person is screaming at you and interrupting every time you try to speak. Conflict can so easily become a toxic mess. __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Nov 26, 2020 at 03:57 PM #4 Thanks for sharing __________________
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Nov 27, 2020 at 12:34 PM #5 Thank you for sharing hugs
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Discombobulated Grand Magnate Member Since Oct 2019 Location: UK Posts: 4,686 (SuperPoster!) 4 11.6k hugs given	Nov 28, 2020 at 11:39 AM #6 Good article Thanks!
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Prycejosh1987 Member Member Since Jul 2020 Location: UK Posts: 368 3	Nov 30, 2020 at 11:57 AM #7 I would agree with what the text says, always be open and honest with everyone around you. Then you will not need to pent up feelings or have inner anger.
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