pet humor

Travelinglady · Mar 08, 2011 at 03:40 PM

It took me awhile to get the hang of posting pictures, as folks here can tell you!

More entries from the Dog Dictionary:

Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented so that dogs can lose body fat. To get maximum body benefit, hide behind a bush. When you spot one, dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside for a few yards. The human on the bike will swerve and fall into the bushes.

Deafness: This malady kicks in when your human calls. Symptoms include either running in the opposite direction or simply lying down.

Perna · Mar 08, 2011 at 03:57 PM

Perna · Mar 08, 2011 at 04:04 PM

justjoanie · Mar 09, 2011 at 08:06 AM

PleaseHelp · Mar 09, 2011 at 10:39 AM

justjoanie · Mar 09, 2011 at 10:48 AM

PleaseHelp · Mar 09, 2011 at 10:51 AM

Joanie - I love that. Thank you. I needed a giggle this morning

Travelinglady · Mar 10, 2011 at 03:38 PM

More from the Dog Dictionary:

Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your human wiherever you want him or her to go.

Sniff: A social custom used to greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's posterior and inhale deeply; inhale several times or until your human makes you stop.

Rohag · Mar 10, 2011 at 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your human wiherever you want him or her to go.

Absolutely accurate!

Travelinglady · Mar 11, 2011 at 05:38 PM

PleaseHelp · Mar 11, 2011 at 05:44 PM

Travelinglady · Mar 13, 2011 at 12:53 PM

Dog Dictionary continued

Garbage can: An aromatic container that your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. Stand on your hind legs and push the lid off. If you do it right, you are rewarded with paper to shred, bones to consume, and stale pieces of bread to scatter throughout the neighborhood.

Thunder: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, whimpering or barking incessantly, and never letting them out of your sight.

greylove · Mar 13, 2011 at 01:16 PM

^^^^^That's so funny! These all are! Thanks

grey

justjoanie · Mar 14, 2011 at 08:05 AM

Travelinglady · Mar 15, 2011 at 01:36 PM

I'm modifying this story a bit, but "hover cat" reminded me of it.

Some Martians came to Earth for the first time. As it so happened, the first creatures they saw were some cats. As they watched the cats, a human came out and fed them. "Well," said one Martian to another, "I see these Earthlings must be pretty clever. After all, they are getting waited on by a servant!"

Travelinglady · Mar 16, 2011 at 03:15 PM

A man who hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks from home and let the cat go. But when he returned home, the cat was sitting in the driveway.

The next day the man decided to drive the cat 40 blocks from home, but the exact thing happened again.

The third day he drove 10 miles away, turned left, went past a bridge, made 2 rights, 3 lefts, crossed some railroad tracks, and made another right before he stopped and scooted the cat out the car.

Hours later, the man called his wife. "Jen, do you see the cat?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Put that cat back on the phone," he said in frustration. "I need directions back home."

Cat as a GPS?

Travelinglady · Mar 17, 2011 at 09:31 AM

Anybody know about pet jokes/stories connected with St. Patrick's Day?

Dog Dictionary cont.

1) Bath: This is a process by which humans drench floors, walls, and themselves with your help.To help more in the process, shake vigorously and frequently.

2) Bump: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a hot cup of tea or coffee.

3) Goose Bump: A last-resort maneuver to use when the Bump doesn't get the attention you require.

greylove · Mar 17, 2011 at 11:49 AM

^^^^^That is almost too funny PAYNE! And reminded me of when I was at my therapists' office last week. (This isn't a joke, sorry) Hubby and Goot have been going with me. I had my usual glass of water and Magruder decided to "nudge" me for attention.......you can guess where that water landed, can't you......all over me........

PleaseHelp · Mar 17, 2011 at 11:56 AM

To go along with Grey's story. When Turbo (my dog), when he was a puppy I got to take him to my T sessions. He decided to mark his territory! I was horrified. So I started putting diapers on him

He was so embarrassed by the diapers. (He would put his head down, not get up, and try to hide his bottom) It took 3 times of wearing diapers and then no more accidents!

Travelinglady · Mar 18, 2011 at 11:13 AM

Dogs evidently read about the doggie bumps! Ha!

Dog Dictionary cont.

1) Lean: Every good dog's response to the command, "Sit," especially if your human is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events. Your hair gives a personal touch to the outfit.

2) Love: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. Show your love by wagging your tail and giving slobbery kisses. If you're lucky, a human will give you love in return.

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Perna Pandita-in-training Member Since Sep 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 27,289 (SuperPoster!) 17 550 hugs given	Mar 08, 2011 at 03:57 PM #122 __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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Perna Pandita-in-training Member Since Sep 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 27,289 (SuperPoster!) 17 550 hugs given	Mar 08, 2011 at 04:04 PM #123 __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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justjoanie Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 8,462 13 1 hugs given	Mar 09, 2011 at 08:06 AM #124 __________________ JJ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain! My blog: http://justjoanie.psychcentral.net/
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PleaseHelp Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Location: in my own mind - most of the time Posts: 9,843 15 529 hugs given	Mar 09, 2011 at 10:39 AM #125
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justjoanie Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 8,462 13 1 hugs given	Mar 09, 2011 at 10:48 AM #126 __________________ JJ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain! My blog: http://justjoanie.psychcentral.net/
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PleaseHelp Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Location: in my own mind - most of the time Posts: 9,843 15 529 hugs given	Mar 09, 2011 at 10:51 AM #127 Joanie - I love that. Thank you. I needed a giggle this morning
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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 48,030 (SuperPoster!) 13 22.9k hugs given	Mar 10, 2011 at 03:38 PM #128 More from the Dog Dictionary: Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your human wiherever you want him or her to go. Sniff: A social custom used to greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's posterior and inhale deeply; inhale several times or until your human makes you stop.
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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 48,030 (SuperPoster!) 13 22.9k hugs given	Mar 11, 2011 at 05:38 PM #130
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PleaseHelp Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Location: in my own mind - most of the time Posts: 9,843 15 529 hugs given	Mar 11, 2011 at 05:44 PM #131
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greylove Wisest Elder Ever Member Since May 2010 Posts: 56,992 (SuperPoster!) 13 608 hugs given	Mar 13, 2011 at 01:16 PM #133 ^^^^^That's so funny! These all are! Thanks grey
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justjoanie Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 8,462 13 1 hugs given	Mar 14, 2011 at 08:05 AM #134 __________________ JJ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain! My blog: http://justjoanie.psychcentral.net/
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greylove Wisest Elder Ever Member Since May 2010 Posts: 56,992 (SuperPoster!) 13 608 hugs given	Mar 17, 2011 at 11:49 AM #138 ^^^^^That is almost too funny PAYNE! And reminded me of when I was at my therapists' office last week. (This isn't a joke, sorry) Hubby and Goot have been going with me. I had my usual glass of water and Magruder decided to "nudge" me for attention.......you can guess where that water landed, can't you......all over me........
	Reply With Quote