Spouse insists on euthanizaion

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for over 7 years now. I came into the relationship with a miniature schnauzer. The dog is clearly MY dog as my husband has never really had any interest in him and has pretty much just ignored him. Several years ago, we discovered that our dog is diabetic. Unfortunately, by the time we got his blood sugar levels under control, he (the dog) was blind as a result of the diabetes. After we got his blood sugar under control, life continued as normal (with the exception that our dog was now blind and I have to give him insulin shots twice a day). The dog is now 15 years old. As you know, dogs are much like people in that as they age, sometimes incontinence can become a problem. My husband and I both work jobs that do not allow for us to come home during the workday to let him out to use the restroom. As a result, many days, we come home to accidents (urine and feces) on the floor. Last year, my husband started insisting that I have him euthanized because he is “ruining the floors”. Despite the fact that most of our home is tile and engineered (aka fake) wood, I bought (and use regularly) a carpet shampooer in the bedrooms (which do have carpet) to help remedy the situation. I also bought (and use) a steam mop for the tile and “wood” floors. I also mop with a bleach solution to further disinfect. But that’s not enough. My husband still gets furious and starts an argument or gives me the silent treatment any time he sees where the dog has had an accident (like if he gets home before I do from work). It has reached the point that the kids are trying to clean up the messes behind my husband’s back to keep him from euthanizing the dog or getting angry. He refuses to help care for the dog in any way. I have to depend on my 7 y/o and 11 y/o to let him out or feed him if I am not there. I am the only one that gives him his shots because my husband refuses. Sometimes (but rarely), I may not arrive home from work until several hours after when the dog must be fed. (Not feeding him on a schedule could put him in a diabetic coma.) Without the insulin shot, the dog’s sugar to spikes which is not good for him either, but better than a coma. My husband has given him shots in the past, but now refuses to assist in any way despite whatever unusual circumstances may arise.

Yes, my dog is old...yes, my dog is diabetic...yes my dog is blind...yes, my dog has incontinence issues...but does that mean I should agree to have him euthanized? This dog has been with me through some really tough times before my husband and I met. Of course, he (my dog) means a lot to me. (Obviously, so does my husband.) My dog seems happy and even tries to still play sometimes (despite the fact that he is 15 years old and blind). He is not in any pain. This has been confirmed by the vet. I believe that my dog should go when nature says it is time for him to go. My husband says that I am being cruel to my dog and selfish by keeping him alive. Please help!

I'm going to be very blunt. I'd keep the dog and dump the husband. As far as I'm concerned we owe it to them to care for them as they age, just like we would care for a human we loved as they aged. What is your husband planning to do when his parents become old and infirm? Does he think you ought to put HIM down if he gets old and has health problems?

I had a 16 year old yellow Lab who lost control of his bladder and bowels the last year of his life. I talked to the vet about some practical solutions to the problem. One part of the solution was to limit his access to certain areas of the house. I have vinyl flooring so pee and poop were not going to harm it. I put a bed pad for humans who are incontinent under him where he slept. I put diapers on him in the house. He was such a smarty that he would skin himself out of the nappy after he pooped in it! Yes, there were times he made messes on the floor. I was not keen on having to mop and disinfect the floor before I left for work, but I considered it just another part of life.

If your vet says your dog is not suffering I'd do what I needed to keep him comfortable.

You aren't being cruel or selfish at all. Sorry to hear your husband is being insensitive. It's your dog so I think it should be your decision.

Hello Torn: Thank you for sharing your dilemma here on PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Actually, your situation is one with which I am familiar. I myself am not a huge dog lover. I like dogs... most dogs anyway. But I don't know as I would have one just on my own. However, my wife is a dog lover. So I have always had them since we've been married, whether I wanted them or not. We currently have a 15 1/2 pound miniature poodle / schnauzer mix we adopted around 11 or 12 years ago from a pet rescue organization. He's around 13 years old or so (we estimate.) (Even I have to admit he is the light of our lives.) He was recently diagnosed as having kidney disease which is not curable in dogs. So far, though, he's doing well. (Prior to this dog, though, we have had numerous others over the years.)

To be honest, I sympathize with your husband. We have had dogs, in the past, that were incontinent. And I found it to be exquisitely difficult. On the other hand, you have had this dog for many years. Plus it sounds as though your kids are attached to it. And it is apparently healthy, other than having diabetes, being blind, & having incontinence problems. (Actually I had that last problem myself at one time. But that's another story.)

So all-in-all, I don't see any reason why you should be having to have your dog euthanized. But, having said that, I do think it is vitally important that you take into consideration your hubby's revulsion at what is going on. It's just my personal opinion, mind you, but I don't think your husband should have to simply live with all of this when it causes him so much personal distress. Yes, he's not handling the whole situation all that skillfully. The "silent treatment" is in fact considered to be one form of emotional abuse, in the psychological community. And becoming furious & arguing obviously create their own relationship problems. But I suspect your husband simply does not know what else he can do. (I have walked the mile in his shoes.)

So, anyway, my thinking with regard to this situation, is that it's really your job to figure out how to keep your dog in the family for as long as he remains essentially healthy & pain free. There are doggy diapers you can purchase at any pet center. Your dog can be crated, or penned, as necessary to keep him contained. He should be taken for walks at least a couple of times a day so he can do his duty. (This would also be great for his health in general.) And, at least where I live, there are many doggy daycare centers where pets can be taken when the humans in the household are out for a few hours or even days. There are also people whose businesses involve taking dogs out for walks, feeding them, etc. There may also be prescription foods & medications your dog's vet could prescribe to help with some of the incontinence. I know all of this costs money. (Believe me... I know.) But in order to keep your dog going as long as possible, & to not expect your husband to put up with what he simply cannot tolerate, these are the things you have to do, in my opinion. And if, for whatever reason, all of this is simply not possible, then the fallback position, from my perspective, would be to surrender your dog to a companion animal rescue organization (not the animal control.) I know how difficult that would probably be for you. But it would be the correct approach under those circumstances, again... in my opinion. Of course, if your husband is simply intransigent & won't agree to anything other than having your dog euthanized, then you do have a relationship problem that goes beyond simply the issue of the dog. That, it seems to me, would be a subject for a whole "nother" post.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of making the decision to euthanize a pet & grieving the loss of a pet:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/choosin...-for-your-pet/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/alway...thanize-a-pet/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/grievin...loss-of-a-pet/

I wish you & your family well...

As a vet my criteria for euthanasia are quite straightforward-
Assuming no medical grounds for compassionate euthanasia

Does the dog have a quality of life eg does he show pleasure and greet you
Does he eat and drink of his own volition
Does he have dignity

The first and third can only be answered by someone that truly knows the dog-he will tell you

Welcome to PC. If your dog is in no pain and has a quality of life then he gets to stay. Selfishness seems to be covered by your husband.