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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 01:29 PM
  #1
I mentioned this in another thread but I strongly feel the need to create a new one for this since I'm struggling a bit to deal with it atm. I need to talk abt this and I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Yesterday, one of my dogs died. We had to put her down cause she was suffering. She was a 13 yr old rottweiler and she had the loveliest personality. She had cancer so there was nothing we could do abt it. And too old for surgery.

Anyway, I tried to give her as much love, attention and care as I could the past few days. When she stopped eating and drinking water, I knew she was suffering. Worst part abt it was the holiday season when everything was closed. The way she was looking at me was so heartbreaking I can't even describe it. I couldn't do anything but be with her and be patient even though the whole situation hurt so bad. I didn't care abt me, all I wanted is for her not to suffer. But we can't always control that.

Eventually, yesterday, we arranged to take her to the vet since he also said she was suffering and it would be best to let her go. When I say we, I mean me and my mom. We put her in the car and drove off. The vet was busy with a few emergencies when we got there so we had to wait. That wait was killing me inside. We didnt take her out of the car cause we didn't want to make her discomfort even worse (she couldnt stand up anymore). I stayed with her in the car petting her and kept telling her that she will get better soon and all the pain would go away. The vet came to the car and did the injections there. After a few minutes she stopped breathing. That was it. After that I think I felt ...just numb.

We came back home. We had to bury her. Those services don't really exist where I live or they're too expensive so we always have someone we know dig up the grave. Money has been tight and also this was very personal to me so I decided I would dig. And so I did. I felt like I needed to be the one to do it. My mom helped a bit too. Even though it was really cold outside I didnt care at all.

Since this whole thing happened, I've been feeling horrible but more than usual. I know I'm going through the grieving process. I've been sleeping a lot of hours, barely eating (I feel guilty everytime I eat cause she couldn't enjoy food anymore the past couple of days). I feel guilty for having a cosy bed and warm clothes. I feel guilty doing anything. And I'm having denial moments too. I cant believe shes not with us anymore. I miss her so much and i rly hope shes not suffering anymore wherever she is.

We've had a lot of dogs since I was a kid, I've never felt these feelings before. I would always be sad when they passed ofc but this time is different. Idk if its because I'm much older now (im 31) so im seeing things differently. Or its my depression kicking in? Ive had depression for many years and the past couple months ive been feeling better in general but maybe this incident triggered smth? Or maybe cause this was the first time I was involved in every thing during the whole process from her getting sick, going to the vet, passing and getting buried.

If someone reads this and has any idea why this time my feelings could be different i would much appreciate it if they could share their thoughts and opinions.

I'm trying to remember to feel grateful abt my other pets that are still alive and well.

Thank you so much for reading. I feel better writing all this down and so grateful for PC.
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 01:37 PM
  #2
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Rottweiler. Cancer is awful when it strikes our pets. You did everything you could and you gave your dog a great life for 13 years. Maybe you loved this dog more than your other dogs?

When I lost my cat who died from diabetic ketoacidosis last year at 19 years old (she died in my arms at the emergency vet hospital, curled up in my black sweater that I sleep with for comfort when I miss her), I was devastated.

I went to a support group at my local Humane Society to discuss my loss with other pet owners who lost their pets.

I went once a week for about 6 months and it really helped me with my grief. I would highly suggest that you contact your local Humane Society or closest animal shelter to find out about pet loss support groups and attend the weekly meeting if you can.

Or, if one doesn't exist in your area, take the initiative and create a pet loss support group and connect it to your local animal shelter with their permission and use one of their meeting rooms for it.

You can even advertise it on their webpage. But you need to get their permission first. Or, worse comes to worse, join an online pet loss forum and visit it regularly where you can either live-chat with other pet owners, or post in forums about your pet loss. That's what I would recommend.

Hang in there. The love we have for our pets is deep because they loved us unconditionally. And there's no truer form of love, than the love of an animal.
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 01:55 PM
  #3
StreetcarBlanche, thank u so much for ur reply, maybe I did love her more I'm not sure. I'm gonna give myself a few days and see how I will feel then I might try one of ur recommendations.

I'm sorry to hear abt ur cat, i know it's devastating especially when they die right in front of u, let alone while u're holding them. And yes the love of animals is one of a kind. And I always try to give them the same kind of love cause that's what they deserve.
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 02:04 PM
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Seriously, if I could afford to fly to Greece right now where there is an island of cats that needs a caretaker for them, paid for by the gov't there, I would. I couldn't be a vet or vet tech though as I wouldn't be able to euthanize animals.

Give yourself some time. See if a support group online or offline will help you grieve.
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 08:02 PM
  #5
Uncharted, I don't know why your grief this time is different, but it's possible to grieve our losses differently. Hon, it's okay to grieve in whatever way works for you.
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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 03:20 AM
  #6
I found that this article helped me to understand and process my grief when my cat died. I also found it helpful to remind myself that the death of my cat didn't erase all the good times.

There's a lot of support and understanding when a human friend or relative dies, but the loss of a pet isn't written about as much. That's probably why sometimes it's so hard to move through the grief.

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

On a personal note, I'm sorry that your dog died. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you gave her food and shelter and love for 13 years or so. And ultimately that you ended her suffering.
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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 05:47 AM
  #7
I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost many pets also and it is just horrid to go through. Over the years,these 2 images have helped me grieve and get myself through it. I hope they help you too.

My dog passed and I'm crushed

My dog passed and I'm crushed

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 09:17 AM
  #8
thank you all so much for the lovely words

i will read that article right away Pavlov's Cat, thank you.

and thank you HappyCrafter for those images. I really hope she's in peace wherever she is.

I am feeling a bit better today, I even went outside to buy some food for my bunny even though it was hard for me but I did it. I looked at her grave and that helped me realize it more I think.

Hope you're all enjoying your time with your adorable pets.
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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 07:28 PM
  #9
I'm sorry that your dog has died. Although she was suffering at the end, her suffering has passed. Losing a beloved friend is always saddening, but you loved her until the very end, and you will continue to hold her close in your heart. I don't think it's your depression that is causing you to feel crushed at the loss of a beloved pet, as these feelings that you describe are entirely normal (even healthy) when losing a loved one, including pets who are often our best friends in life. If something sad happened to you and you didn't feel saddened, crushed, or numb, but felt nothing at all, then that would be much more worrying from a psychiatric standpoint. Grief is absolutely normal when dealing with loss.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 02:49 AM
  #10
thank you, 3rd rock. Your words were really helpful <3
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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 06:32 AM
  #11
I don't know if this video will help, but it seems to help some people. It just makes me upset and sad.

YouTube
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Heart Jan 29, 2020 at 03:22 PM
  #12
I see you posted this on January 3rd. Hopefully at least some of your pain has begun to subside. Just in case you're not familiar with it, I thought I would share with you my personal favorite among the articles on the subject of grief & loss that are in Psych Central's archives. Here's a link:

What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss


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Default Jan 30, 2020 at 06:11 AM
  #13
Skeezyks, what a great article. Thanks for posting the link.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 01:13 AM
  #14
I can't imagine having to put a pet down. That must be really difficult, particularly having to wait. I hope that it was a slightly easier decision to make because of the dog's sickness and general condition.

I've been feeling really depressed the last few days, mainly over this topic of pet loss. I might need to go to a support group as well.
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