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Old 02-26-2018, 06:37 PM #1
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Unhappy Endless cycle

Look in the mirror...can't believe how fat I've become. Go to the kitchen and eat the worst thing for me. Start to eat healthy. Make it through 1/2 the first day before I feel deprived and need to eat cookies or sweets or anything. Maybe make it a whole day or two, feel better about myself and give myself a treat or two. Or, decide I want to start to eat healthy and find myself at McDonalds eating a large fry and big mac.

I love my food, but there is so much more behind this than that. I feel as though food is my only real enjoyment. It soothes me, I enjoy the flavors in my mouth, I taste everything and think about it when it's no where near me.

I lost much of my emotional ups and downs and sexuality after having a total hysterectomy 5 years ago. Food has now become what my sexual desire used to be. It gives me a pleasure I can't get any other way.

I don't know how to fix this. Every time I am determined to stop eating all the junk and get in better shape, I get nervous feeling like I will never get to enjoy anything again.
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Old 02-27-2018, 04:07 PM #2
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Smile Re: Endless cycle

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. Here are links to a bunch of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/e...ting-disorder/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...-ellen-shuman/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...shuman-part-2/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...imia-recovery/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...omment-page-1/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-i-c...ting-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/e...isorder/?all=1

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...s-of-recovery/

I wish you well...
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:01 AM #3
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Default Re: Endless cycle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luv2eat View Post
Look in the mirror...can't believe how fat I've become. Go to the kitchen and eat the worst thing for me. Start to eat healthy. Make it through 1/2 the first day before I feel deprived and need to eat cookies or sweets or anything. Maybe make it a whole day or two, feel better about myself and give myself a treat or two. Or, decide I want to start to eat healthy and find myself at McDonalds eating a large fry and big mac.

I love my food, but there is so much more behind this than that. I feel as though food is my only real enjoyment. It soothes me, I enjoy the flavors in my mouth, I taste everything and think about it when it's no where near me.

I lost much of my emotional ups and downs and sexuality after having a total hysterectomy 5 years ago. Food has now become what my sexual desire used to be. It gives me a pleasure I can't get any other way.

I don't know how to fix this. Every time I am determined to stop eating all the junk and get in better shape, I get nervous feeling like I will never get to enjoy anything again.
I understand what you're going through. It's not just like a diet will change things because you have an emotional connection to food. It's a coping mechanism to eat. I get really frustrated when people talk to people like us, who binge eat, like a diet or a food diary will.solve everything. Writing down what I eat doesn't change what I eat or change my relationship to food. It's a serious addiction and disorder that needs therapy or some kind of intervention.

There is a book "50 ways to soothe yourself without food." The techniques in it I could take or leave, but what I found interesting is that she outlines all the different ways and coping mechanisms we create using foods. It's not a simple as you use food for comfort. There are different kinds of emotional eating and how we go about it. And understanding those different kinds of emotion driven eating helped me to understand what I was doing.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Old 03-31-2018, 12:15 PM #4
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Default Re: Endless cycle

It's been an endless cycle for 45 years for me....:-( I believe I binge to become numb and to make myself unattractive (fat) because relationships scare me. Ive been married three times and engaged another time and have a current boyfriend (who unfortunately places a huge amount of focus on women and their weight. When he met me I was 100 pounds. Not I am binging to have gained weight. He tells me "WE" need to start working out again,
"WE" need to start eating healthy.
I also eat to become numb because life (job, kids moved out etc) is sooooooo boring that I was to get out of the daily grind so I binge out and then have something to focus on to mix it up...... Sometimes the food I'm binging on gives me no satisfaction and I don't know why I keep doing it over and over again.
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