[leekaleek]

Hi, my name is Angelique and I hope I found the right spot. A few days ago, I decided to search for some type of overeating support, thinking that something like that probably doesn’t exist...at least on the internet. While I could try to find something in my hometown, it’d prove difficult to try to explain to my husband why I would go to such a support group. But here’s a bit about me. I started becoming overweight when I was in elementary school. It started with hitting puberty early, so I was more developed than most girls my age. I vividly remember being about 10 or 11, stepping on the bathroom scale and noticing that I weighed a lot more than I wanted to. I knew I was bigger than your average, but I didn’t realize how big until I tried to try on Mary Kate and Ashley brand clothing, realizing that not even a large was big enough. So my mom sent me to school in some good ol’ ankle eater pants. The thing is, I don’t remember much about eating...but then when I think about what I did with my allowance my mother gave me, I realize that it all went to food...particularly sweets. My local grocery would have a deal on candy bars, 10 for $5, or things like that. I was excited to buy so much candy. I lost some weight during the summer before middle school, and kept it off until probably 11th grade. Around that time I was also cooking for myself and I could pretty much make my own food choices, so I indulged. When I was old enough to move out, I would stock my own fridge and indulge some more. A good night to me was television, something salty and something sweet. But if I had water, it wouldn’t fill me up when eating, so I “needed” that soda to do the trick. This cycle lasted until I gained a certain amount of weight. That’s where my dieting really began. I’d balloon to a certain weight, and then would lose some weight. it was the same cycle. Get small enough to feel like a decent human, then eat and eat. My diets usually consisted of the thought that I’ll probably never eat a candy bar or have another burger, so let me stuff my face before I began. It wasn’t until I got cancer (for the second time) that I really, truly attempted to make a change. I cut out all meat, refined sugar, dairy, processed foods, etc. to ensure I was very healthy and kicked cancer’s ***. To be honest, I felt pretty miserable about not eating junk, but I knew it was for the best. I also had this thought in my mind that if I had just one candy bar, my cancer would come back or something like that. Then, I decided to take a break from the extreme change, with the intention of going right back to it about a week later. A week turned into a month, then a month turned into almost A YEAR. I’ve been cancer free for a year, and want to remain as such. So I decided to try and go back to my ways of cutting out meat and refined sugars. Why am I here, you ask? Well, because I still have thoughts about binging. While I’m doing this for health reasons, my mind still resorts back to “I can’t wait to be skinny so I can eat and not feel guilty. I can’t wait to stuff my face with chips or candy or whatever junk sounds good.” I sometimes find myself getting into my old ways and still overeating on “healthy” foods. For example, I have those fruit twists that don’t have any added sugar, so my mind thinks HEALTHY. Next thing you know, I’m 10 twists in, still racking up calories. Long story short (haha), just looking for some people to talk to that I can relate to. People that can help me overcome my feelings of thinking I’m missing out because I’m not always eating. Thank you.

hi and welcome to psychcentral.

I hope this site is useful to you. you've certainly come to the right place as a lot of us in this sub section do understand

(I'm sorry no one else replied yet, this is a big forum)