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Old 10-23-2014, 04:46 PM   #1
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Default I think I may be paranoid


I haven't been on here for some time - reason being, I've been fairly poorly but I've been trying to think up ways to balance everything out a bit more.


I am still on my thyroid medication. It's not much - it's a really small dose - but I take it every day as opposed to distrusting the doctors and consultants by not taking it altogether. I've been planning out my meals as my weight has dropped significantly but it's now building up thanks to taking on the gluten challenge in preparation for the Celiac screening blood test. Five and a bit more weeks and maybe something will be found, hey?

I am now taking all supplements and improving my diet - which is not easy as I have now discovered I am yeast intolerant and fructose intolerant as well as dairy intolerant and gluten intolerant (possibly Celiac)- but these things are trial and error.

The reason why I've posted here? Well...things that have been going on with me are going a bit strange and I don't know why. I realise that no one may have an answer for me as it could all be just nothing and I am sure in a way I'm just overreacting but I think my old boss is making things hard for me even though I left her team nearly 2 years ago.

Let's rewind back to August 2012. I had a bad time at work one day - my left leg was cramping and it was hard to walk or lift it. I took my boss off to chat about it and she didn't want me to see a doctor about it. In the end I self-treated by bringing in my boyfriend's hot water bottle, filling it using the staff room's communal kettle and taking it back to my desk with me. Most inconvenient.

I had a day off the next day and the cramping didn't go away. I went to an urgent care centre and the nurse examining me diagnosed me with hypothyroidism - I had low blood pressure, I looked anaemic and tired and I had a goiter. Again I couldn't get any time off to see a doctor.

September 2012 I received a letter asking if I wanted to take voluntary redundancy. Given what happened the month before, I figured that I could take the money (which was a substantial amount as I worked there for 8 years) and use a bit of time off to get myself sorted. I was confirmed as having hypothyroidism by the doctor and put on thyroid medication.

I bumped into my old boss a few months later (July 2013) and I was feeling pretty good - the medication was working and I had just left another job (it was too advanced for me). I tried to come over confident that a different company took me on and my boss's eyes glazed over when I mentioned it was a care home I worked at. She repeated the word as if it was foreign. (?) I couldn't help but find that a bit weird but we parted amicably.

I went through a few bad spells on and off and I did register at an unemployment centre for a bit before more health problems cropped up - depression, low mood and fatigue - and I was then put on employment and support allowance. All I had to do was send in medical certificates to the benefits agency. Well, I didn't want to keep doing that for much longer - not productive if I was at home all day, so I looked at ways I could work whilst managing my illness - striking up a work/life balance. I looked into care work and after emailing one agency I was invited to come in for a chat. The people I spoke to said if I could get a good reference they would look to take me on. I gave my old boss as a reference, as she had known me for 8 years and knew I was a good worker. Two weeks later I receive a letter from the agency saying that they were unable to offer me a position. Even though they offered me it if the reference was good. I think my old boss either refused to give me a reference or gave me a bad reference instead.

Undeterred I still looked for work and I applied to work at my old employer where my old boss still works. A day later I had a phone call and it traced back to my old boss's work number and then later on another call which came from her mobile! But, I have now received a letter from the college which I applied to, to study for health and social care so that I don't need to be trained on the spot. Whatever is stopping me from doing what I want to do, will not work and will only make me more determined.

But on the other hand I can't help but feel I'm being paranoid about the whole situation. I probably am actually but the way things are panning out is just so weird!
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Old 10-24-2014, 11:26 AM   #2
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Default Re: I think I may be paranoid

I guess you could try to phone her and ask if it would be ok to use her as a good reference as you are looking for work and see how she reacts. Pretend nothing has happened and see what she says.
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
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