Bipolar meltdown ...help

My daughter is 16 and we have been dealing with these meltdowns for as long as I can remember and felt I had a handle on things however as she gets older these meltdowns are causing life changing problems example today the cat (her cat) urinated on her work clothes I put them in the wash found replacement clothes and yet she refused to go to work yelling and being completely unreasonable then threatening to run off so of course I missed work because she can't be trusted alone while like this. She also missed work. This is unacceptable she can't start a work history this waY. I knew the melt down was coming ( she went off meds without me knowing for approximately a week maybe two ) I just don't know how to help her with out enabling her to continue this behavior.

My question is do I or can I disapline her for actions during a meltdown? I know she don't mean the things she says and does but her boss now and in the future may not be so understand

Hello Mother...: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice to offer you here. Hopefully other members will have experiences & suggestions they can share. In the meantime, however, here are links to a bunch of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of interest. This looks like a lot of reading. But the articles are short. So it's not as much as it might appear:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/adolesc...-change/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/parenting-angry-teens/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-fo...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/your-te...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-few-...-be-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/4-facts...ents-can-help/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/parenti...he-teen-years/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/discipl...der-teenagers/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/transfo...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/stress...ts-contagious/

And then here are links to 2 articles for your daughter (should you want to share it with her):

https://psychcentral.com/lib/adolesc...-change/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/techni...your-emotions/

One other forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

My best wishes to you both...

You can discipline her because out in the real world she'll have consequences including jail time or hospitalization if she has a meltdown in public. Does she have a therapist? Do you have a family therapist? She needs to know she can't threaten you. Honestly if you did not feel she was safe enough to be by herself she needs to have an anti-anxiety med PRN or taken to the hospital. I really think you should have gone to work. Are her medications locked up? How are her grades? Does she really need to work? What are her plans after high school?

What meds is she on? There may be a long term injectable she could take....

If she breaks something, does she pay for the repair?

What's going on during these screaming raging fits that you are forced to miss work?

What would happen if she was left alone at home?

I'm not sure of what type of discipline? Consequences work.

Have you checked out The Explosive Child(Green)? What about a parent's support group for whichever disorder she is going through? There's a few out there.

Just know you are not alone...

Do you have a safety plan? Working with her therapist with a parent only meeting could give you opportunity to work on one.

I am not a parent myself so hesitate to give parental advice, but do have mental health issues myself and had a sister who struggled with a lot of mental health issues and had similar meltdowns to what you describe before it was under control.

I would recommend that during the meltdown you try to deescalate the situation by keeping yourself calm and not yelling back, while setting boundaries that she cannot threaten you, etc. I would wait to discipline until after and I would make it less about the fact that she got emotional which may have been out of her control to a degree, and more about learning responsibility for her actions and how to make up for them, for example by paying for something she broke, or calling her work to apologize. She is not at fault for having bipolar disorder, but it will be a lifelong illness and she will need to learn how to accept consequences for her actions in the real world. Some structure and consequences may even provide a little comfort and stability to her since her inner world may be chaotic. Maybe coming to an agreement with how things will be handled if she gets out of control, during a time when she is doing better and thinking clearer could be beneficial.

I have experienced the intense rage and irritability that can come with this and it is very real and distressing, but have had to learn to redirect it away from people and not to mess up important things in my life. I have learned to be straightforward with people like my boyfriend that I am feeling inner tension and need space and quiet to keep it under control, for example. Or remove myself from a situation and go on a run.

She might also benefit from DBT which is a therapy that has been shown to be helpful for emotional regulation problems and bipolar disorder. She maybe can't fix her moods and rage directly, but how can she minimize the impact when they occur, and how can she learn to take responsibility?

Sounds like you are both having a hard time and could use some extra help. I wish you both well!