My Untreated Dad is Having a Midlife Crisis

So, my dad has lived with his own mental health issues for as long as I can remember. He refuses to go see a psychiatrist, claiming his god will aid him in his troubles; he refuses to see a therapist because he had a bad experience with a family therapist once like 20 years ago. So I'm not too sure what he has, exactly, but I see similarities between him and myself in some traits. I would argue he is at least depressed, perhaps also a manic depressive or perhaps some kind of personality disorder. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. All I know is he exhibits signs of depression, paranoia and mild psychosis (at times). I only know this because I've been there myself. Anyway...

My family is entering a new dark chapter lately of which I have absolutely no experience. It would appear that my dad is experiencing a full-blown midlife crisis. As of late he has been exercising excessively and being a complete jerk to everyone for no reason. And I mean, he is just straight up mean.
I am used to him being a verbally and emotionally abusive jerk, but this is going to weird levels. It seems driven by depression -- an angry depression. He's talking about how he is done with everyone else (in the family) and is now going to focus only on himself. Again, excessive exercise, increased lectures about health, talking about getting a new car (a Porsche at that).

I guess my question is, is there anything I can do to help my mom? I have tried repeatedly to get him to a psychiatrist and he just refuses to go. He is in complete denial about his mental health and I am certain he will only (angrily) dismiss me should I confront him about this crisis he is so obviously experiencing. But my mom, myself and (to a much lesser extent) my little brother; my niece and nephews and my sister are all being affected by this. More than anyone I worry about how he is treating my mom. He either ignores her completely or just outright belittles her. Both to her face and behind her back. As of right now I am just trying to be there for her and be her friend, but somehow I don't think that's gonna be enough.

Have you ever experienced something like this? What can I do to keep my mom sane and stuff? As of right now, my mom is flinging around the word divorce, but they've been doing that for 20+ years, so I'm not gonna hold my breath. Usually when my dad goes off on his little paranoid or belittling tangents he comes to his sense and apologizes after a few days. That's not the case this time. He's in full on crisis mode already. If anything I said makes any sense, and you can point me in the right direction, please help! As of right now the only thing I am thinking about doing is making an appointment with my therapist to discuss it... but I have yet to do that because I have a busy schedule this summer. Anyway, thanks for reading. And thanks in advance for any advice.

I'm sorry your family is going through this. I doubt there is much of anything I could suggest, beyond what you're already doing, that would be of help to your mom. Perhaps the thing she should do is to make arrangements to see a therapist herself. Beyond that if you, or others in your family, could take her out shopping, or for coffee or meals, that sort of thing, just getting her out of the house for a while might be helpful.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of verbal & emotional abuse. They are written so as to be helpful to individuals who think they may be the victims of verbal & emotional abuse. But perhaps they will give you some perspective as well:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-y...abused-part-i/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-y...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...onally-abused/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...u-do-about-it/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...otional-abuse/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/in-an-...steps-to-take/

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...ly-abuses-mom/

And then, should things continue to worsen, you may also want to be aware of the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Home | The National Domestic Violence Hotline

I wish you & your family well...

I agree about encouraging your mom to seek counseling for herself. To address at least the feelings of resentment that are more than likely built up over the years in dealing with your dads belittling words and meanness if not More than that.

It's not easy coping with the letting go of the order of things as they once were, but what You describe doesn't seem all that uncommon especially once the kids are all grown.