How to support husband through anxiety etc?

My husband has been very stressed lately, and exhibiting some signs of anxiety, including problems swallowing (which contributes to his anxiety). I believe that a big part of the stress and anxiety is that he does not set boundaries with people and they take advantage of him. I think he wants to please people and he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" by telling people he can't help them right now. So he takes on everything that comes his way and then he gets stressed out. This has been somewhat of a problem for years but he's always just been able to get through it, get everything done and things eventually lighten up. But that strategy isn't working very well any more (work has gotten more stressful and busier lately, too).

He has recently figured out that going to visit his family makes his anxiety and swallowing trouble flare up. His dad (unknowingly, IMO) adds to his stress level, and he wants to make his dad happy.

He is going to see a psychologist next week. I'm hopeful that they will be able to work through things, but I am concerned that my husband is not going to want to set boundaries with people, which IMO, is the real solution.

What is the best way for me to support him through this?

Hello G: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

One forum in particular, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the partners of people & caregivers forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/part...ivers-support/

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that offer suggestions for how to support someone who struggles with anxiety:

How to Support an Anxious Partner

How To Help A Stressed Or Depressed Loved One

How Couples Can Help Each Other De-stress and Improve Their Relationship

How to Support a Person with Panic Attacks or Anxiety Attacks: | Mental Health Awareness

https://psychcentral.com/blog/do-you...-panic-attack/

And then here are links to some articles on the subject of personal boundaries, as well as on anxiety, that you might share with your hubby:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-imp...al-boundaries/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ar...do-i-get-some/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-tips...aries-at-work/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ficult-people/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/21-tips...pleaser/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/20-tips...dium=popular17

My best wishes to you both...

have you suggested, if it is an option, that you and he just not see these family members until he gets a handle on his anxiety?

When we have anxiety we often ruminate upon it to the point it viciously just makes the anxiety even worse. We hone in on and even obsess about the triggers and our resulting reaction. Thus we forget about the positives as we concentrate on the negatives. One thing you can do then is point out and encourage him to celebrate those 'wins' no matter how small in his battle.

Another thing that might be helpful is to remove if you can those stimuli that trigger the anxiety and physical response(s).

Welcome aboard by the way. I look forward to seeing more of you.

Thanks for the thoughtful and supportive responses!!

I believe there is no answer to your question because it's completely individualised so you best hearing out be supportive on his decisions, that and more of that, until you accept the reality. He needs professional help, with no shame of cause..

)-buzzed

Hi, G lady, and welcome to Psych Central! I have a history of anxiety and I know therapy can help, so support him in going. Also, you might want to read about anxiety. It seems like you have a good handle on what's likely going on with him. There are some good books about boundaries as well. He might or might not be willing for you to give him "advice," though. I suggest you continue to show your love for him, as you are obviously a very caring wife.

I have taken meds for anxiety, so if his counselor suggests that, then please go along with it. They can help along with his learning other techniques. Okay?

Again, welcome! Please keep us informed. We are here to support you, too.

An update: He's seen a psychologist twice now and I'm so very proud of him for working hard on this. I gave him a couple of the articles that were suggested above and they were right on target.

He figured out a while back that his Dad struggles with anxiety. He also learned recently that his Mom has had problems with it as well. When she was a young wife and mother of two small boys, she would get severely anxious about leaving the house. She finally took a part time job to force herself to go out in public. I would not have guessed that she struggled with that. I think knowing that others in the family have these sorts of challenges is making my husband feel a little better. At first he would say that it's frustrating that it's "all in his head" but now I think he is more accepting and he realizes that just because it's "in his head" doesn't means it's easy to deal with!

It's hard for me to understand exactly what he's going through because I'm a quite assertive person, definitely not a people pleaser. But I can relate to having a mental health issue and needing help with it. I was diagnosed with depression in 2004 and have been on meds since, which work very well for me. I remember well, though, the feelings of frustration that I could not turn my mood around on my own...

Just wanted to let you know that my husband is making progress. Thanks for the support!