It is not easy seeing my dad so out of control

My dad is having severe issues and my siblings and I really don't know what to do even though my sister and I have a mental illness (bipolar disorder), and her youngest son did, too (he took his life over a year ago). It's a helpless position to be in when a family member rejects proper treatment and is going down a scary path. He has admitted to having alcohol issues (and they are more than proven) and his psychological state is getting scarier and scarier. He broke up with his girlfriend of 8 years a week ago (with whom he broke up with multiple times), and is now professing love for his housekeeper, who my sister and I have never met. He's apparently bringing her to a family reunion this Saturday and we're afraid of what he'll say and do. I only heard of this extreme "love" when he called me a few days ago in extreme excitement. He has only ever gone to his psychiatrist when depressed and has refused to let my siblings and I join him on the rare occasions he ever goes. Over the years, many people have approached my siblings, my husband, and me about his behavior. We know what is likely wrong. Probably the same thing his mother dealt with, too. Honestly, we've seen it off and on our whole lives and it became almost "normalized" to a degree. When my mother was alive (she died 16 years ago) he was sort of kept in check to a degree, but now not much at all.

I have had countless conversations about this with my psychiatrist and therapist, but all they suggest are interventions. We've tried, but he responds with either anger, or makes false promises, or even laughs the situations be off. He obviously hasn't been a big enough threat to himself to get hospitalized.

You didn't mention how old your dad is. Perhaps he's still a relatively young man? Or perhaps he's older. I'm 70 years young, as they like to say. And my thinking, with regard to this, is you should perhaps just let your dad do what he wants to do. (Or, as it was phrased in a long ago galaxy far, far away: "Let the Wookie win.) From my perspective, chances are he's going to do it anyway.

Men tend to become obstinate as they age. At least I am. In my case I don't want anything to do with anybody in real life. And I definitely don't want anyone trying to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I know you wrote you've had countless discussions with your pdoc & therapist about this & what they suggest are interventions. I guess that's all well-&-good. But I have to say if anyone tried to organize an intervention for me, I'd be the first person to not show up.

Whatever your dad's age, he's old enough to make his own decisions, as well as to suffer his own consequences. My recommendation is... love him for who he is... to the extent you are able... to the extent he will let you... but leave him to do whatever it is he wants to do...

Thanks for your input, Skeezyks. He's 78.

I understand where you're coming from, but I really don't want to see some crazy rash decision made by him at this point. His behavior and new relationships with barflies, cafe cronies, and women who take far more than they give have made him into a man I feel very distant from. He's so different. He's abandoned everything he ever loved in the past for this new "lifestyle". He rarely sees my siblings and I (or his grandson) even though we live extremely close to him. We're not in his mind and even when we see him he's not there with us. It's like seeing a parent die.