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Old 09-11-2018, 03:17 AM #1
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Trig I'm worried about my partner

Things have been hard for him at home, he's being pressured to balance single issue out at home while simultaneously being neglected emotionally.
He's also having to deal with verbal abuse from his father because of his situation with university.

I can see that it's really taking a toll on him psychologically. My boyfriend is extremely selfless and always does things for others but never talks about his own problems. I try getting him to open up but he just doesn't know how to, which I completely understand.

But recently he's started self-harming and constantly jokes about his death.

We've had several fights recently and I think he's starting to believe that I don't really care about him either, and that he sees himself as a burden to me.

I'm so worried about him, I love him so dearly that I cried so much yesterday thinking about him being all alone, hurting himself like that. I want to be there for him and show him that I do care, so much.

But I don't know how. Sometimes I feel like even if I do get him to open up, I say the wrong things.

No therapy though, I know he'd never even consider that. And it's not affordable here anyway.

Last edited by bluekoi; 09-11-2018 at 11:21 AM. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Old 09-11-2018, 03:32 AM #2
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Default Re: I'm worried about my partner

I think you'r already doing your best. Just make sure to remember him you love him, be there for him and give support when you can. The choice of opening up or not is up to him - hopefully, if he sees how much you care, he will open up with you.
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Old 09-11-2018, 09:35 AM #3
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Default Re: I'm worried about my partner

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadplant View Post
Things have been hard for him at home, he's being pressured to balance single issue out at home while simultaneously being neglected emotionally.
He's also having to deal with verbal abuse from his father because of his situation with university.

I can see that it's really taking a toll on him psychologically. My boyfriend is extremely selfless and always does things for others but never talks about his own problems. I try getting him to open up but he just doesn't know how to, which I completely understand.

But recently he's started self-harming and constantly jokes about his death.

We've had several fights recently and I think he's starting to believe that I don't really care about him either, and that he sees himself as a burden to me.

I'm so worried about him, I love him so dearly that I cried so much yesterday thinking about him being all alone, hurting himself like that. I want to be there for him and show him that I do care, so much.

But I don't know how. Sometimes I feel like even if I do get him to open up, I say the wrong things.

No therapy though, I know he'd never even consider that. And it's not affordable here anyway.
Just keep on loving him,I know how hard it is for you.If you keep telling him how much you love him maybe that will help even give him a hug most of all make sure he knows that he can talk to you anytime.See I am all alone and I really dont have anybody to talk to except for my one girlfriend she and are very close,we tell each other everything ,she knows about my anxieties and mood disorder bipolar and depression ,she doesnt understand why it happened neither do I but she is always here for me, I lost my husband 14 years ago he was only 51 and he was always there for me even though he waas really sick.he had parkenson's.So I know how much you are hurting because when someone we love is hurting we hurt too. You seem to be a very compassionate person.and that is a good thing.
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Old 09-11-2018, 09:38 AM #4
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Default Re: I'm worried about my partner

Yep, let him now you both love him and that you are there for him. One thing my own partner does every morning that helps is he asks what can he do that day. It makes me know he is supportive, encouraging, and cares.
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Old 09-11-2018, 09:58 AM #5
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Default Re: I'm worried about my partner

I have been doing that but every time he does something that hurts me, and I point it out, he gets more and more distant.

He keeps thinking that he messes up everything he touches, including me. And doesn't want to burden me, and I also believe he's finding it hard to trust that I (or anyone) could genuinely care for him.

But I really do. I don't want to start hiding my own pain just to comfort him because that wouldn't be healthy. I want to be able to talk about our mistakes but also have trust that we really still love each other despite those mistakes.

He can't seem to let his mistakes go. I don't know how to reassure him that his well-being is more important to me that all his errors.
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Old 09-11-2018, 10:15 AM #6
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Default Re: I'm worried about my partner

I hope not to sound harsh, but that's really up to him. You can only do so much to help, and I think you're already doing anything that it's in your power. He has to do his part as well.. I'd suggest therapy, but you've already said he doesn't want it...
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Old 09-11-2018, 10:32 AM #7
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Default Re: I'm worried about my partner

Sometimes the best you can do for somebody is to give them space to work through things on their own and let them know you’re there when they need them. It takes a great deal of patience and love to stand by in times like this. We can’t fix everything unfortunately... even though we want to. ❤️
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