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Old 09-23-2018, 09:17 AM #21
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

Yes she did like to be useful.
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Old 09-23-2018, 09:25 AM #22
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
So she liked to work and be useful once. She probably would again, but at a slower pace. And not feeling obligated to do so. I know i am very lazy in my old age! Do you take walks together? I am wondering, how can she make a friend?
Yes, she did like to work. She wants to work now to, she sometimes tells me to give her work off my own work or get her new work. I tried to, a couple of times, but every time, just when she starts work, either we would start fighting over nothing or she would just say, no i don't want to do work at the moment, or no, i'll do it afterwards.

But the problem is, with her aging, the scope of work that's available for her is very less, and what work is available, she needs to do on time, otherwise the employer would go away. And that does not happen - she isn't able to do the work feeling obligated.

Your'e so right - that's the point - she doesn't want to feel obligated. I wonder how you figured that out. Maybe it was like that with your mom. All the same, I think that you can't do work unless you feel obligated to do it and that's the reason she isn't able to do it.

We don't walk together. That's just because we feel very pressurised by society and the people near us. You see, everyone has a family - no one is single or alone - and I think she feels sad or bad as well as we both feel odd walking together in any public place - because its just odd here in India for a lone mother and her son to walk up anywhere - people make you feel odd they make you feel out of place.

We sometimes wonder whether we could go someplace else to live in.

The above reason - the reason we can't walk - is also another reason why she is unable to make friends = because all her old friends are now married and have busy family lives - and she is alone so they don't treat her the same way. And she also needs to have extra cash on her hands to make friends - in order to be able to do some show off and feel good about herself - but she doesn't like doing that also on my money. She does not like living off my earnings. I get very sad about this fact.

I do take her to a big park full of nature about 4-5 miles off every week, we try to enjoy our time there, although there is the same problem - the park is mostly filled with couples and young people (of my age) with their partners or GFs/BFs and we just don't feel that we're in the right place - although going to the park has had some positive effect on her and me too.

I'm just hoping she can survive this until I make enough money so that we can relocate to a good place more suitable to us - a society more acceptable - or no society at all. But I also hope we can find that kind of place - I don't think there is any such "dream" place for us to be but maybe I'll find it.
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Old 09-23-2018, 10:00 AM #23
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

I wish I could help. Good luck for your future.
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Old 09-24-2018, 12:27 AM #24
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

Conditions are getting worse.

My mother is shouting herself hoarse sometimes, or sometimes just sits and counts her rosary. She has become paranoid about voodoo magic. She considers every action taken by everybody in the neighbourhood as a voodoo magic done on us, to kill us or do us extreme harm.

Yesterday there was a festival function in our area and people give free food to others as a token of faith in God in this festival. I couldn't bear to go. So we just sat there in our house, while all the festivities were going on. After a few hours, the person who had organised the function came up to hour house to offer us the food also. It was a good gesture. He and another man (another neighbour) asked me why I had not come to attend the function and told me to come and attend it now, at least. I couldn't and did not go. After they left, my mom ate some of the food (we were not hungry since we had already had dinner) and became humble about the people. But in only about an hour she started cursing the people again. Today she went to the person's house and told him and his wife off for coming to our use and giving us the food. She shouted a bit at them, and then came back to our home and sat down to count rosary again. Then, after a few minutes, she started shouting herself hoarse at another woman in the neighbourhood who was talking with those people. She shouts so badly that I get cold hands and feet. She shouts bad curse words like ***** in our language to the other ladies.

I am now getting scared and what will happen if this continues. Should I take some action or just continue with my current vigil of trying to establish peace and harmony in my and my mother's life?

If I should take an action, what should I do? Should I go and consult a psychiatrist? I have already done so, and he told me that he could do nothing if I can't bring her to his office. But she won't go. False pretences won't work because even if I make her go with me on my scooty to his office, she will come back herself. She won't go and talk with him. I have already tried this too, and at that time she had agreed and we were sitting in the lobby of that psychiatrist, when, seeing the other disabled people there, she became scared or sad and told me that she won't see the psychiatrist and we should go back. I had no choice but to agree with her because otherwise she would have created a big scene there, and even after that, she would not let me live with her in peace if I tried to force her to go and see the psychiatrist.

The way things are going, I don't think that we will be able to survive this in one piece, so to speak.

I have seen my mother alone, lonely, hurt, crying, sad, sick, tired, depressed, discouraged, trying to fight, working hard, in tension all my life. No one has ever helped us. I think that seeing her in a mental hospital will break me. I won't be able to stand it.
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Old 09-24-2018, 12:38 AM #25
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

Her sisters, father and mother think that I am doing bad by not sending her to a psychiatric centre. They want me to give an official statement that my mother is mentally ill. Her father (my grandfather) is a mentally sick person (so to speak) because it is his cruelty that has made my mother what she has become. That's the reason I don't want to agree with him.

My mother's sisters do not talk with me nicely. They treat me like a piece of ****. They are money minded bad people. Just because they are all well settled and have no money problems at all, they treat me like a hungry beggar when I'm with them. They are so obsessed with their money that they don't have time for their sister. It seems that my grandfather's cruelty has spread into the whole family. This may sound crazy, but if you see the way that bastard talks then you would understand what kind of a ***** that man is. And he has instigated and instilled in others the same feeling about my mother that he himself has.

These people tell me that I am too attached with my mother. But I ask, who is not attached with their mother, especially one who has struggled so much to give me a good life? Who is not attached to the person who has spent countless days, months and years trying to give me a better life. These people wouldn't even pay for my education when I was a child. They used to tell me that I should go and work as a day wager worker somewhere if my mother doesn't have enough money to provide for my education. But my mother kept on, working hard against all odds, trying to make life normal for me.

I ask them, are you people even human? Or has money changed you into some kind of plastic people who don't care about their family members? I try to explain to them that sending her to a mental hospital would only make her more mentally disabled because in here the government mental care centres are nothing but living hell. Won't she get even more mad if she has to live in dirtiness with other totally mentally disabled people 24x7?

Only private care centres are her best bet and no one will help me put her in there. I asked my grandfather many times to provide for my mother's treatment in a private care centre in India, but he just makes excuses and tells his daughter (my aunt) to try and speak me into putting her in a government mental hospital, because he does not want to spend money on her. He has lots of money. He is a millionaire. He has many houses, properties, cars, factory, whatnot, but that sick bastard won't do a thing for his daughter. That man should burn in hell for eternity. But what's the point of sitting and cursing people? There is no God that does justice in this world. If there was a God that did justice, then that piece of **** could not have inflicted so many wounds on my mother and my life.

Last edited by nj_hi; 09-24-2018 at 01:35 AM.
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Old 09-24-2018, 12:42 AM #26
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

Someone please help me. Please tell me what I can do and what I should do. I want to see my mom alright again. Normal. She does not deserve to have this kind of a life. She deserves to be happy. What should I do?
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Old 09-24-2018, 01:47 AM #27
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

I dont know that i would sacrifice my life for a crazy person. She needs to be evaluated. Perhaps a doctor could be brought to your house? Doesnt she ever go to the doctor?
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Old 09-24-2018, 04:49 AM #28
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

She's ill and she needs treatment. If she won't see a psychiatrist would it be possible to find one who will do a home visit or talk to her over skype?
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Old 09-28-2018, 08:10 PM #29
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by nj_hi View Post
Someone please help me. Please tell me what I can do and what I should do. I want to see my mom alright again. Normal. She does not deserve to have this kind of a life. She deserves to be happy. What should I do?
Bumping this thread up, and checking in to see how you are doing
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Old 10-01-2018, 01:40 AM #30
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Default Re: I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

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Bumping this thread up, and checking in to see how you are doing
Thanks, unaluna. . Some days its fine, most days its very difficult to live with her. The days when its fine are those in which I am able to calm her down using a variety of techniques, like, talking to her with a positive attitude, agreeing with whatever she says, putting on some songs so that the atmosphere is better in the house.

But, to all my efforts, she only remains calm about 20% of the time. The rest, either she is raving like mad or preparing to fight with me.

I know that it would not be a good thing to sacrifice my life for someone who is not in their right state of mind, but that's the point, I'm trying to have a balance between my own life and her's, but its true that till now I haven't been able to achieve that.

For one, she is willing to do work but her concentration levels are very low. She is not able to put enough time in work. So that's not an option.

Apart from all the above, my own personal problem is that I am confused. I am confused between whether she is right or wrong, whether I would do right or wrong by sending her off to some care unit.

There is a good new that I contacted one of my aunts a few days back and asked her for help. She said that she there is a way, some government venture called "nari niketan" (means Women's House) that would be good for her. She told me to come talk to my grandfather and her together so that we can start some official proceedings on sending her to the "nari niketan".

But again, I'm confused. Is this some bad planning by my grandfather against his eldest daughter (my mother) again? Talking with him certainly always makes me feel that way. Because he has always been so bad to us. I remember, my mother used to beg them to pay my school fees when she couldn't pay it, and only sometimes, but her father and mother behaved like well behaved animals at that time. Why did they do that? Because they did not want to help my mother. They wanted to see her alone and friendless, and that's what she has become now. They methodically segregated her from all family and friends, one by one. And what's more, they put the blame of this on my mother herself.

That's why I am unable to believe in those people. But, apart from them, I have no one who is offering to help.

On the other hand, what my mother says sometimes feels too true, because, although her stories are quite far-fetched sometimes, the basic meaning of what she is trying to say is always right. For example, she had forbidden me to talk with one of my friends, who lives with his mom and dad in the same apartment. And after a few months it did turn out that the people had not had the best intentions at heart for me. Not though I expected any, but they showed their true colours when I stopped talking with them. I don't know what is going on here, I am highly confused. But my main argument here is that, well, she could have told me quietly and sensibly about those people, she need not have gone through months of drama to end that friendship. Or maybe it's only her drama and those people never had any bad intentions? From what little I have said above, can you tell me what's going on? Because I am getting very confused.

She says all people around us are here to do us harm. Now that's far fetched. I tell her that we need to live our own life and forget about other people. But the tiniest of noises from the surrounding people awake the devil in her. She starts beating things, to the verge of shouting out loud. She has become paranoid, IMO. I told her so.

My main problem is that my work is getting affected very much. I am not able to work. I get discouraged by her attitude and thus not able to work. I get distracted by her constant shouts and noises she makes and sits there chanting her rosary. I will loose all my work this way.
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