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Old 01-08-2019, 07:57 AM #1
MaggieRose MaggieRose is offline
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Default Am here for the adult child of an alcoholic I love

Hi guys, I'm Maggie. How are you all doing? I've been in love with a guy with an alcoholic mom for almost five years. We haven't had a physical relationship because it's taken all this time just to get him to trust me in a meaningful sense. He's pushed me away in the past, but on the most recent occasion, he's actually stopped communicating with me altogether, which is new. The last time we met up, in early October, we had a good chat - planned on going away on a hiking trip (very big deal for him as he's never had a girlfriend and has never been away with anyone except school friends). When we said goodbye, he suddenly looked very upset and distressed. In the past, that look usually meant that something had triggered him and he needed time on his own, so I gave him plenty - went on a holiday to Canada. He read the couple of messages I sent him but didn't reply. Finally, he stopped reading my messages.

I am not sure what to think. He has done this before with his friends from school (stopped talking to them). He has told me in the past that he would be unable to stop pushing me away because that is what he does. But he always came back before. Could it be because we were finally getting ready to take that next step? He himself said he wanted to explore the physical.

I know that he needs therapy and I shouldn't put myself through this as an enabler, letting him hurt me time and again, but he's pretty young still and really needs someone on his side. When I met him some years ago, he couldn't even have a conversation - he was so angry, hurt and depressed he used to push people away if they even tried to talk to him. I only knew he wanted me to keep trying because of the looks he used to give me. I wanted to give up many times but he pulled me back and we finally became friends. He told me it would take a long time for him to trust me - perhaps years - but that's all it would take. Time.

Any advice? Do I just leave him be for a while? Don't want him to feel abandoned, but also don't want to be hurt/rejected over and over. Aaargh!
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Old 01-09-2019, 12:35 AM #2
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Default Re: Am here for the adult child of an alcoholic I love

I would write him one last goodbye note and leave it at that. I know I'm saying walk away but I think that's the healthiest thing you can do in this situation, sorry.
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Old 01-09-2019, 03:41 AM #3
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Default Re: Am here for the adult child of an alcoholic I love

How does his mothers' alcoholism play into this?
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Old 01-13-2019, 11:15 PM #4
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Default Re: Am here for the adult child of an alcoholic I love

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
How does his mothers' alcoholism play into this?
Oh, he says he has a fear of rejection/abandonment because his mom was pretty absent in his life and his parents argued all the time...he says some days he remembers nothing except going to bed at night. He had significant trauma and finds it almost impossible to trust anyone.
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