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Old 02-12-2019, 08:37 PM   #1
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Heart A 13 year old daughter with bipolar and borderline...

Anyone out there experiencing the same?

We are being as proactive as we know how to be. Lined up with a DBT therapist, a DBT minded psychiatrist, recently were proactive in helping our daughter get eligibility for an IEP. Her educational setting switched at the time of the IEP in late Nov. 2018 to a behavior unit at the middle school next to where I teach 4th grade.

It's been a 7th grade year of ER visits, hospital stays in the children's hospital behavior unit, some medication switches. Our daughter tends to get fixated on self harm or paranoia of others trying to harm her.

So much of it seems attention seeking. She is impulsive/argumentative. Our 14 year old daughter in high school and I tend to be the primary targets of our youngest daughter's anger. She is much kinder with her words to my husband.

When she really loses it, food is the only thing that gets her back on an even keel.

Today for example, she comes to my classroom. My students leave for the day. Once I finish dismissal responsibilities, our daughter is starving and demanding of food (a sign that she didn't eat well during the day).

I offer her snacks that I have stored in my room like microwavable mac n cheese, which doesn't interest her.

I realize that she wore 2 bras under her jacket, and I let her know that's not appropriate for school. Words quickly fly from her telling me to "go to hell."

I correct her on how she is talking and let her know that we will go get food, when she calms down.

She gets it together a bit. As we proceed to the car, she talks about how strong she is and that I am weak. I let her know that I am stronger than her in many ways (not lifting weights).

Our daughter is empowered by having bipolar. We haven't specifically talking about borderline directly, for her first diagnosis in 5th grade suggested behavior that resembled factitious disorder.

We have an appointment at the end of the week, reviewing her current medicine of abilify (15 mg per day) and buspar (20 mg per day).

Our daughter gets obsessive about things. Most recently has been about an obsession of a boy friend, who recently broke up with her. She has her eyes on someone different, but her mind is still fixated on this boy from her behavior unit, that she fell in love with her, first day in the unit.

Is anything I am saying typical or bipolar or borderline? She is resistant to therapy and strategies to help her.

Any tips on helping her to self advocate for her self. Her lack of respect she shows me is unwarranted.

I only want the best for her. Want her to care about her life once again.

So much of our energy is zapped by her. We try to live as normal of a life for our self driven and self reliant 14 year old daughter, who runs on her Varsity track and cross country high school teams.

There is a lot of good in our world, and a lot of what feels like running in circles trying to help our youngest get to a better place.

Any advice. Thanks for your time.

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Old 02-13-2019, 04:03 AM   #2
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Default Re: A 13 year old daughter with bipolar and borderline...

I have three kids- 22 year old son, 18 year old and 15 year old daughter. They all have adhd. Son has depression, 15 year old depression and anxiety. 18 year old has bipolar, addition, attention seeking behaviors and all sorts of other issues. The 18 year old is currently in a sober home. This is what she did: She turned 18 in March and left us a note on the table that she left. She went to a girls apartment who was like 20 or 21 and she moved in. She stopped her medication.The girls mother was a crazy as she was and it was a party house. We tried to get her back. We took the car and phone away. I went to the school. She didnt graduate in June and missed her prom. It was awful. Just having to live without knowing- waiting for things to fall apart. She showed back up on Mother's day. The party friend kicked her out, she had been on the streets for a day. We got her inpatient- then rehab- recovery housing and now her second sober home. Its like relearning who she is. We missed some warning signs.

She always wanted the attention and was perfectly happy if it was negative. She was the one in and out of hospitals. She would say and do things to get there and then hate being there and beg to come home. We ended up giving her the most attention. We are a very close family and all my kids are close to us but she was never happy with equal attention. I believe she checked out of our family a full year before all this happened based on what she shares now. Drugs and alcohol all that time and I never knew. I am ab alcoholic in recovery and you would think I would know and I didnt.
What we learned through this year: We should have been more firm with her. We should have called ever bluff and not let her run the house. We were able to let go of her monopolizing our minds and time and focus on our other kids once we accepted that she was going to do what she wanted anyway. We realized that we provided her with near constant mental health and medical support for years and she still had this scenario. We did the same with the other two and they are wonderful and doing great.
We now have to accept the "adult" daughter who makes mistakes. She works at a convienence store and has to pay weekly rent. She thinks 120$ a week is so tough- has very little money all the time yet we could never allow her to move home again.

I just cant put up with the chaos. I let go last March and I know its a wound that will take years to heal. I dont really know this new sober girl very well.

My long winded-all over the place share is that its important for you to provide the help but disengage from the chaos. She says she is going to kill herself or hurt herself or others? Get her to crisis and have her admittted. Call her bluff everytime. Do not fall into the desperation parenting trying to figure out what is real and what she does or doesnt have. Just take her at her word. Every single time. She will keep getting admitted. She will tire of it I promise. The more matter of fact you are and the less facilities are able to put up with her nonsense. She will be put into a place that she doesnt have power and control in and will sing a different tune I promise.
Do not give her the power. She should not be able to hijack your emotions, time, peace and family. I know this was long and a little all over but I wanted to share what I experienced in case it helps. Stay strong.
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:07 PM   #3
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Default Re: A 13 year old daughter with bipolar and borderline...

Welcome to Psych Central, Mom4hope. I have started a social group for people with adult children who are mentally ill, but I think that needs to be expanded to children of any age. Here's the link:

I hope you all can discuss your concerns and support each other there.
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