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Old 02-17-2019, 07:56 AM #1
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Unhappy Clueless

I have been working with a family member for many years, half of my life. I have made so many sacrifices in every possible aspect.
So much money has been spent that i could have built a new house in it. Still we felt all those effort were worth it as we managed to achieve some stability in past 1.5 years and were looking forward to improve things further.
But almost like a plane crash, everything fell apart.
This person suffers from Aspergers with lots of maniac symptoms and is going through another episode. We had made lots of effort in setting boundaries over past 1.5 years but everything has fallen apart with this episode.
All boundaries in terms of time limit, money, rude behaviour all are gone because we want medicines to be taken. This episode started after medicine were not taken for more than a month and getting medicine back is the only hope.
Smoking is back, drinking and worst part is sex with random people which adds a lot of risk.
I am soo much tired of all this, if it is one time effort then its fine but so much effort again and again has drained me.
My own life has gone completely off track.
My worry is if i stop making sacrifices and set boundaries then everything may fall apart and this person may end up on road but then i dont know how far i can continue like this.
This person doesn't has great IQ which makes it challenging as many times reasoning may not work but surprising part is that at times this person acts so smart that we feel either we are fooled or smartness is only in some areas, is that possible?
I really want this person to start taking medication on its own but from its perspective everybody else is wrong and no amount of reasoning works especially during episode and even otherwise its very challenging.

Having said all this, i feel sad as this person had no friends and has been laughed at and ridiculed by people, called many names for the mental state. With low IQ people keep exploiting. It all pains me soo much and i want to give this person a chance to live a reasonable life.

With all my efforts, i have so far saved this person from any hospitalization as it will add a stigma here. Also this person most likely will start hating us to core and might not want to live with us. Then i feel, if there are places available where this person under supervision of Doctors but i dont think such places are available or are there only for short term rather long term or life long.

I just dont know what my options are, i want to do the best i can but this last episode makes me feel that just my efforts might not be sufficient.

Anybody knows if the kind of person i described above, can take care of themselves atleast in medication.
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:51 AM #2
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Default Re: Clueless

Quote:
Originally Posted by lokiez View Post
This person suffers from Aspergers with lots of maniac symptoms and is going through another episode.
Did you mean manic? Or did you really mean maniac?
Quote:
Smoking is back, drinking and worst part is sex with random people which adds a lot of risk.
I am soo much tired of all this, if it is one time effort then its fine but so much effort again and again has drained me.
My own life has gone completely off track.
My worry is if i stop making sacrifices and set boundaries then everything may fall apart and this person may end up on road but then i dont know how far i can continue like this.
Does this person live on their own? If not perhaps a condition of living with whomever could be that they take medication? If this person lives on their own you may have to face the facts that you cant save or change them and you cant force them to take medication. Unfortunately we have to sometimes watch our loved ones fail until they reach a point through pain and consequence that they ask for help or become willing to accept help. I know this is not an easy task. My daughter does not have asbergers but when she turned 18 last year she ran away and shacked up with a bunch of girls who did drugs and drank. And their mother was ok with it! i went over and begged the mother to send her home and she refused. We were devastated watching her f**k up her life and having to let her make mistakes. She missed prom and didnt graduate with her classmates. When it first happened like we had warned her, we towed the car away and cut off her phone. I felt so bad about that but its what we said we would do. We tried to make her life as hard as possible to raise the bottom in hopes she would give up. She showed up on our doorstep three months later, asking for help. She went inpatient then to rehab, a halfway house and now lives in sober housing. She graduated in December and feels awful regret. We had to stand by and watch it happen doing nothing to rescue her. What helped us was to go to family therapy and learn some DBT skills. It helped us reach a place of acceptance and we began to adopt a new normal. It is so hard to watch a family or friend make mistake after mistake and engage in unsafe behaviors but sometimes you have to do that in hopes that they will come around and be willing to get help.

This person doesn't has great IQ which makes it challenging as many times reasoning may not work but surprising part is that at times this person acts so smart that we feel either we are fooled or smartness is only in some areas, is that possible?
I really want this person to start taking medication on its own but from its perspective everybody else is wrong and no amount of reasoning works especially during episode and even otherwise its very challenging.

Having said all this, i feel sad as this person had no friends and has been laughed at and ridiculed by people, called many names for the mental state. With low IQ people keep exploiting. It all pains me soo much and i want to give this person a chance to live a reasonable life.

With all my efforts, i have so far saved this person from any hospitalization as it will add a stigma here. Also this person most likely will start hating us to core and might not want to live with us. Then i feel, if there are places available where this person under supervision of Doctors but i dont think such places are available or are there only for short term rather long term or life long.

I just dont know what my options are, i want to do the best i can but this last episode makes me feel that just my efforts might not be sufficient.

Anybody knows if the kind of person i described above, can take care of themselves atleast in medication.[/QUOTE]
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Old 02-18-2019, 11:46 AM #3
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Post Re: Clueless

@sarahsweets: Yes i meant manic. It seems every episode is mania , like unipolar mania.
I know it must have been so tough for you, to see your daughter go through such tough times and you cannot do much about it.

But i see your point, it is so difficult to accept and think like that and feels scary.

Here are few things which come to mind :

1. To me it appears that, many people with mental health issue don't feel that there is anything wrong with them and instead other people are wrong. Why will they ever take help or ask for it? Instead they would want to correct others.
Will approach you suggested [that let me go through consequences of their actions] work in such scenarios ?

2. I also feel at times, people who don't want help and keep suffering. Should they be left on their own. It presents such a tough scenario.
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Old 02-26-2019, 11:41 AM #4
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Default Re: Clueless

Hi, lokiez. Welcome to Psych Central! The question is whether she is a danger to herself or others. Is she suicidal? Engaging in reckless behavior such as spending money she doesn't have or having multiple flings? Or threatening to harm other people?
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Old 03-02-2019, 11:59 AM #5
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Default Re: Clueless

Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
Hi, lokiez. Welcome to Psych Central! The question is whether she is a danger to herself or others. Is she suicidal? Engaging in reckless behavior such as spending money she doesn't have or having multiple flings? Or threatening to harm other people?
She is not suicidal and in past 2 decades only on one occasion i felt she could harm herself.
Generally reckless behaviour is limited to money and flings. And its difficult to manage on these 2 fronts even when things are calm due to low IQ.
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