I am lost...after the actions of my Loved one with BPD...Help - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-23-2019, 11:58 AM #1
Alexa Creata Alexa Creata is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Romania
Posts: 12
Alexa Creata Alexa Creata is offline
Junior Member
Alexa Creata has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Romania
Posts: 12

Default I am lost...after the actions of my Loved one with BPD...Help

Sorry for my long post but I don't know how to shorten this up.
As selfish as it may sound I am here for me and not for the person I think it might have borderline personality.
I am still verry shocked now, I am lost and I need to understand and process what happend. I am completely lost.

I have met somebody really special a time ago, a meeting full but full of coincidences like destiny. We met during a travel in Portugal. I won't describe all details of the meeting not to get lost in details cause is a lot but I will say I felt so in peace with him, so so in peace. It was not all fireworks and wow it was a peacefull feeling. Like we were supposed to meet. We spent so beautiful time. He was sincere from the begiining with certain aspects of his life, he confeesed me he did not had many realtionship, love relatiosnship and his sexual experience is even lower. He feel lost somehow in his life and he didnt had so many friends in general in his life. I was surprised, of course but I don\t know why I didn't felt the need to run. Normally that is what I would have done. I felt I really want to stay. I saw something in him. During those days I have tried to help also with advices when we were in the room and he was so crawling into my arms and saying he can't believe i am there. Ourmeeting is incredible. All days were so relaxing walking arounf the city, so beautifull, he really is an amaizing person. I saw that not only during that travel but also after. His caring, his attention, his way of seeing some things.
We weren't planning anything but when we got home from the "hello, are you ok back home" and " please send me the photos" we got to speak and we develop a relationship even like this distance one.
I have to mention that he awaken something in me..... I usually don't open so much in relationship and if I open I do it calculated and first through my logic but with hime some words came naturally, some action as well without thinking at all but at all, just as first impulse. I never cry in front of others ( i know is not good I am also working on my emotional development through therapy) but in our last day I cried without realising i will cry. It was like wow, i had tears in my eyes. I was thinking how beautiful was what happend. I thinked it was like tears from joy, i don\t know. After I really felt everything natural with him, I have opened as I wasn't doing.
Anyway we started our relationship and we were lucky because the travel between Rome ( italy) where he is from and Bucharest ( Romania ) where I am from is an easy one ( many flights per week even moree per day and good prices being a common route) and we knew that when we want is not so difficult for now to do it.
Anyway shortly after we started I have noticed certain little things in him...like how he was slightly changing mood from very litttle things. I did not stayed on that to much I was just understanding him lets say. I knew from the begininning he is not the most emotional stable person from what he told me about him during our travel also. As I don't want and I am trying not to judge people by their appearance and I try to understand we all have problems I didn't considered that things as so bad..... I am doing therapy and I got not to judge people so much and to understand there is always something behind there..... I mean not to try to understand what is it because I am not a therapist but to know that people have their own wounds and don't judge.
He always told me " you took me into your hands" and " I can't believe you didn't run away". He was always trying to find confirmation of what do I see in him and also when he didn't asked I was expressing how I feel about him and his good parts. I took all this things from him like ok, yes he has some emotional wounds maybe and that is why he is acting this but this doesn't mean I should leave him for that or judge him.
Things started to be moree and more intense on this side.
He said he doesn't know how to receive love and a lot of the times he changed mood from very unimportant aspects, sometimes I was surprised and even got to kind of fear what I say. usually exac tly when eveything was normal he needed to find something wrong. In those moments when he changed the mood he was different, is like he couldn't listed to anything, he couldn't be rational. I really had patience with him and stayed there, trying to explain. After few time he was sorry for what he did and he sayed all the time he doesn't believe I am still there with him. I took every situation as separate as itself and " worked" on each one in the meaning that ok, we spoke about it is over, lets not keep a grudge, this was becasue he is not so sure of his emotion and I can be understanding.... Than again, things started to be even more intense.... He offended me and said **** you and go to hell in one of his absurd moments.... I was decided to finish it there because I can not stand offensed from anybody and it was to much. I have tried every time he had his moments to not atke it persoanlly, to think is something deeper there, he has his own wounds I can not understand and is not my responsability to see what they are. Just to be understanding with him. But the offense was too much for me i thought because I never in any relationship allowed anybody to offend me. Even if I was aware he will be sorry and he doesn't really mean it I said is to much. He started to beg and to explain how sorry he is and to eb so close to me.... he really was trying.... I tried to tell him ok, but you need to work on this things not just be sorry.
He said he is mean, he knows and a cancer will killl him because he is mean. He used to say this before also that he is mean and he hurts people and every time i was asking him why do you see yourself mean he said because i hurt people but nothing clear.
Now was the first time he said about the cancer that will kill him, he will get a cancer because of his evil.
At the beginning he used to say I need to show you all my badness, so you don't leave in a fairytail, Alexandra. And he said forgive me, I showed you my worst now I am done.
I got over the offense and we continued.
When he came here is Bucharest first time after our travel meeting ended we spent again beautiful moments indeed amaizing.
Last night before departure we almost haven't slept, i think only one hour in the very morning. We were like loosing ourselves in each other. Very intense.
In the morning he woke up a completely different person, cold, not wanting to hug, saying just " we should get ready" It was awfull. No gut, No kissing goodbye.
After that He was sorry he didn't wanted toate feel, it was hard to say goodbye.
2 days after we already decided his next Visit and he bough the tickets.
All this was followed by 3 Nightmare nights. He started from nothing and had horrible crisis. He Started to offend again when He was angry and next day blaming himself of what he did.. i insisted that we can not continue like this, is to toxic but he was crying and ... i knew we can Not even if He was sorry. the third day it was a bottom i inisted in the fact that we need to end this. he Said He will write me Something Deep he know s a bottom He was not online the full day and i was worried, Not because he didn't wrote but because He was Not online at all. He called in the evening saying how much He Need to taalk tome and that He spent all day thinking.

next week he did not show any Deep anger moment but i knew is Just for a while and i was aware of the fact that the source of it is not solved so to say. i was pushy that week speaking about my fears, about how is not enough Just to be sorry. .... IT was the First time i allowed myself to be weak in this relationship.....
at the end of that week He had a moment again....

i haven't wrote him at all next day, I was lost in Had the Impression that i said so much everytime ...He confessed me that he Likes ttp Suffer and make people suffering. and than he realize he suffer to much but than he goes Back. He confessed that he finds sweetness in my suffering ...He took Screenshot of Mr crying on WhatsApp some of the nights before when i and after he said to calm him when he will be angry he will look at them to see He needs to Stop...now he confessed he enjoys nu suffering. he said look i told You how Devil i am..... i was more and more convinced that as much as it hurts we can't continue like this....we will get very bad ....I have Said directly to him that He needs to see a therapist If not for home for us at least...

next day we decided to Stop our rrlelatioship and He was ok meaning No crisis Anger crisis. I told him in the end that i will Always remember and i wish all the Best for his beautiful soul. ( is really beautiful besides his issue....)
In the evening he wrote me how can i Say he is a beautiful soul and he confessed me that he imagined he hitted me and i was begging and he felt even more the need to hit and i was begging more. i was shocked and I realized that the decision was the correct one. i thought that he will Stop at that confession but he Said " i am so tense now" and started to adress so many offenses horrible ones not just **** You or go to hell. he Said mit sweatness ruined him and now i pay....i could see he was on one of his "Moments" but never Seen so Bad....I have told him shortly that his offenses are not touching me because they are not about me. he Said he likes to Hurt me and continued offending...i let him to write...next evening again horrible offenses, contacted me just for this. i answered he Hurts himself Not me. he said he knows i will come begging to him. he knows i care about him so much in Love him. next day he wrote again he is sorry and he doesn't know what to do anymore to make me hate him. I reinforced again that we are not coming back so Thema circle is broken he doesn't need to make me hate him.

again he came in the evening just to offend ....

I am shocked .... i really am not hurt by the offense itself as horrible as they are... because i know is the "sickness " speaking.but i suffer because i am shocked how bad his situation is and how i didn't see it until now.

I thought that once we break the vicious circle of hurting than i am sorry than coming Back and so on, this will be over.....

He is really very Bad...

i have tried to read about borderline Just to Unserstand and i realised that maybe I didn't knew how to treat hin, to react to him i mean but i never thought he may have this....

i am not sure i am not a doctor but i find so many compatibilities.

I am shocked how he continues now and i never expected so horrible crisis.....

i am traumatized i am lost....i know for sure i am not coming there with him, i am evenimente afraid but i am traumatized and i still don't realize fully what is Happening.

i know I can't help him as much as i suffer to see him like this... but i need to help myself.... i am traumatized ........IT May Sound selfish ....but i am so bad now i need to help myself....idon't know ....
Alexa Creata is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 03-24-2019, 04:38 PM #2
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
Apparition
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 17,492
Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
Apparition
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 17,492 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
12.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: I am lost...after the actions of my Loved one with BPD...Help

Hello Alexa Creata: Thank you for sharing this difficult experience here on PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

There didn't appear to be any questions in your post. I will say that, based on what you wrote, I think you've done the right thing by ending your relationship with this man. I hope you can find the strength within to not give in & return to it. You're certainly correct that everyone has issues. But it sounds to me as though this man needs help. And if he won't or can't seek it, there's little or nothing you can do to help him. Ultimately you have to protect yourself.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
__________________
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-25-2019, 02:03 AM #3
Alexa Creata Alexa Creata is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Romania
Posts: 12
Alexa Creata Alexa Creata is offline
Junior Member
Alexa Creata has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Romania
Posts: 12

Default Re: I am lost...after the actions of my Loved one with BPD...Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello Alexa Creata: Thank you for sharing this difficult experience here on PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

There didn't appear to be any questions in your post. I will say that, based on what you wrote, I think you've done the right thing by ending your relationship with this man. I hope you can find the strength within to not give in & return to it. You're certainly correct that everyone has issues. But it sounds to me as though this man needs help. And if he won't or can't seek it, there's little or nothing you can do to help him. Ultimately you have to protect yourself.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Hi

My question was basically how to help myself now and how not to constant worry and feel guilty for him.... I am sorry if I wasn't clear but I do feel lost right now and I am storm of thoughts and feeling and everything. I am trying to process it. I know very well I can not do anything to help him, I am fully aware but I can't stop to feel completely lost in this moment and maybe guilty. Why I haven't seen this earlier. I refused to think he is sick .... I am shocked of how bad crisis did he had lately. I really love him and care for him but I know for sure is not enough. I know for sure I do not wanrt to go back there, I am even afraid but I need to understand myself...
Alexa Creata is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-26-2019, 01:24 AM #4
Alexa Creata Alexa Creata is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Romania
Posts: 12
Alexa Creata Alexa Creata is offline
Junior Member
Alexa Creata has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Romania
Posts: 12

Default Re: I am lost...after the actions of my Loved one with BPD...Help

and he really doesn't want to admit and ask for help (((((
Alexa Creata is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-26-2019, 09:19 AM #5
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,095
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Magnate
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,095 (SuperPoster!)

107 hugs
given
Default Re: I am lost...after the actions of my Loved one with BPD...Help

I think because things moved fast and there is physical distance between you you might consider taking a step back to consider whether his issues are something you are willing to deal with.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:59 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.