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Old 03-30-2019, 02:44 PM #1
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Default How to cope with my husband's denial?

Hi,
I decided to make my first post because I am dealing with my hysband's mental illness and his denial to confront it. We've been married for 2.5 years and since the beginning of our marriage the first symptoms made their appearance. I have to say that our marriage was a disaster since the beginning. The first days after, I discovered my husband's infidelity by his lover's letter to me. After that I wanted to get a divorce, he begged me to forgive him and we had a lot of fights. Finally, I decided to give him a second chance but right after he began to tell me that this woman was spying on him, afterwards that someone wanted to harm me etc In the meanwhile we moved from his to my hometown, he denied to live in my apartment, rent one for "us" but he expects me to not use my I Phone, PC etc, though are required for my 24/7 job, because he believes that someone watches him. One day might be the police, the other even my parents. He stopped caring for himself (wears the same clothes for days), has lost a lot of weight.Moreover, every time I visit him to spend the night together, he require to sleep in the couch. The reason is that due to a salary reduction he gets some financial help by his parents for the rent, and hence he feels that he has no right to use one of the two bedrooms. I tried to convince him to visit a doctor but he insist that he has right and no mental issue. I communicate with his elderly parents and friends (he's an only-child), but they told me that they failed to convince him too. What I should do? He gets mad very easily lately, his job is a high-responsibility one, so I feel obliged to help him and protect his working environment, even though my already "messy" wedding is literally a non-existing wedding, since for 1.5 years we have no physical contact. It's a huge responsibility that fell on me due to a marriage that so far only problems and sorrows offered me.Any advice of how to handle this situation?
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Old 03-31-2019, 05:21 AM #2
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Default Re: How to cope with my husband's denial?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilly18 View Post
Hi,
I decided to make my first post because I am dealing with my hysband's mental illness and his denial to confront it. We've been married for 2.5 years and since the beginning of our marriage the first symptoms made their appearance. I have to say that our marriage was a disaster since the beginning. The first days after, I discovered my husband's infidelity by his lover's letter to me. After that I wanted to get a divorce, he begged me to forgive him and we had a lot of fights. Finally, I decided to give him a second chance but right after he began to tell me that this woman was spying on him, afterwards that someone wanted to harm me etc
I am surprised you stayed tbh. Those are red flags I could not accept.
Quote:
In the meanwhile we moved from his to my hometown, he denied to live in my apartment, rent one for "us" but he expects me to not use my I Phone, PC etc, though are required for my 24/7 job, because he believes that someone watches him. One day might be the police, the other even my parents. He stopped caring for himself (wears the same clothes for days), has lost a lot of weight.Moreover, every time I visit him to spend the night together, he require to sleep in the couch. The reason is that due to a salary reduction he gets some financial help by his parents for the rent, and hence he feels that he has no right to use one of the two bedrooms.
Wait, you are married but live in separate places and he sleeps on his couch? I think I am confused.

Quote:
I tried to convince him to visit a doctor but he insist that he has right and no mental issue. I communicate with his elderly parents and friends (he's an only-child), but they told me that they failed to convince him too. What I should do? He gets mad very easily lately, his job is a high-responsibility one, so I feel obliged to help him and protect his working environment, even though my already "messy" wedding is literally a non-existing wedding, since for 1.5 years we have no physical contact. It's a huge responsibility that fell on me due to a marriage that so far only problems and sorrows offered me.Any advice of how to handle this situation?
Personally I view the entire situation as toxic. I do not see how continuing to invest in this marriage can be good for you. You inherited a lot of issues. Was he like this before you got married?
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