Seeking Advice about my mother? - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-03-2019, 04:05 AM #1
cashlak cashlak is offline
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Unhappy Seeking Advice about my mother?

Hi... My name is Ashley and I must say that my family and I are...emotionally/physically exhausted over our mother.

Back in the day which might have been about 5-9 years ago, my mom was able-bodied and she had a job and everything. Up until we had an altercation with the school district (long story short my younger brother was treated badly by one of their teachers which caused him to start acting out in school) and my mom started to spiral into depression and anxiety from all the court cases that ensued. She had accidents at work (stomach problems) and couldn't even go to work anymore because of what happened with my younger brother so she had to quit eventually because the company, sadly, was of less understanding with her familial situations.

A few months before that, she'd been going to the doctors, had been diagnosed with Diabetes (I don't know what type) and took medications for a short while. One of her medications caused a really bad allergic reaction, so she stopped taking any type of medication prescribed to her and stopped seeing doctors because when she quit, her insurance stopped working.

She stopped taking care of herself. She smoked about 3-4 packs a day until her teeth rotted (until my younger brother stopped her from smoking again, so that's a relief.) She lost so much weight from her untreated diabetes. She slept alot, and started to stop taking care of her hygiene but only once in awhile. My mom started to eat out every chance she could because house food was unappetizing to her now.

She basically messed herself up real bad and it's finally taken its toll on her.
After many fights, we finally took her to the hospital many weeks ago because now she couldn't walk and she kept urinating herself and since we shared rooms, it smelled so horrible that it started to affect my younger brothers Asthma. My older brother (having received his income tax) was saving to move out and abandon us cause he already wanted to make his own life and it really messed me up the most.

I didn't even like working anymore (I actually still don't) because of what was going on at home.

She was at the hospital and the house was peaceful, sad to say, I know. Because we knew that she was in the care of professionals and we did all that we hecking could. We've endured so much from her and she never really appreciated and never took into account how she had to change herself for the better but she never bothered to do that either. She started to use us for her own gain and it's stressed me out and I've had many panic attacks than I can count.
It's only me (22) and my older brother (30's) that are working while my younger brother (17) is being homeschooled.

She had been at the hospital for about a week or so and she had gotten herself checked and the doctor that was assigned to her was so upset that she let herself go like that.
Her legs were swollen from water retention, her sugar was out of whack, her blood pressure could've been better.

She was diagnosed with anasarca, diabetic nephropathy, nephrotic syndrome, neurogenic bladder and pleural effusion.

The staff did the best they could do and was sent home where we are in the situation now.
We've been following the diet regimen from the hospital and have been taking care of her even moreso, spending alot on medications out of pocket, and helping her take them and we can't take it anymore.

We've done so much for her and she's not trying to better herself. She's still making a mess of herself, and she doesn't want to exercise and expects everything on a silver platter and to be at her beck and call. Not even /she/ wants to acknowledge that.

My older brother has been taking the brunt of it all and so has my younger brother since he's home all the time. Working harder, cleaning harder, cooking more, and going back and forth.

I don't just don't know what to do. We don't think we can afford to take her to a nursery home or something. I just want her to be taken care of until she gets better and with the way things are, I don't think it's happening anytime soon.
I'm trying to help her apply for disability again because the first time they declined it.
What do you guys think we can do? I've been holding all of this in for so long, it's been really screwing me up.
Having no health insurance for her (and me too, but I've been paying out of my pocket) is really taking its toll.
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Old 04-03-2019, 08:04 PM #2
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Smile Re: Seeking Advice about my mother?

Hello cashlak: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post here. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult struggle with your mother. Based on what you wrote I would have to say, personally, that you've done all you can do & more. Your mother's situation is really a job for professionals at this point, in my opinion.

My suggestion would be that you reach out to the applicable human services branches of county & state government to seek help for your mother. You might also want to contact any not-for-profit social services agencies that might be in a position to provide services.

It may take some intensive telephone work to ferret out the right agency to work with your mom. But you just have to keep calling people. (I've done this a few times myself over the years.) Each time you talk to someone, if they can't be of help, ask for the names & phone numbers of other government offices, not-for-profit agencies, & the like who may be able to help. Then call them over-&-over until you find someone who can help. It can be time consuming & frustrating too. But, as I wrote above, I think the time may well have come to turn as much of your mom's care as possible over to professionals. At least this is my perspective.

I see you list yourself as being in Texas. I don't know what is available there in terms of human services. But, from what you describe, it sounds to me like your mom's condition has deteriorated to a point where it is beyond your ability to intervene successfully. Plus, at 22, you have your own life to live. And it's high time you had the opportunity to get on with it.

Here's a link to an article by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D., from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help in putting your mother's situation into perspective:

Denial is a Powerful Impediment to Treatment

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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